Regrets, probably?

Dear Friends,

"Sugar we're going down swinging... I'll be your number one... "
the lyric is unrelated, but I'm definitely reminded of all of you when
I'm hearing the song.
It's like we're all standing on a high mountain, and I'll be leaving,
dropping to the midst of nowhere. Hopefully for the better.
Please pray for me good friends. Please don't get angry with me..
Although there's also a possibility that you will be happy with me gone,
I don't mind. I will miss you anyway.

I'll be doing a huge jump, hopefully if I fall, you will still be there
to catch me.

Thank you for so much good time.

Your Humble Turtle.

OSIM

Hehe I caught a man sleeping in OSIM's foot massaging machine.
The pic is blurry but I'm sure you can distinguish his figure. Lol
Enjoy.

Confused..

Once again I'm at the same fork of road.
Both roads leads to fine places, I don't know which one I should go to..
I don't want to be a materialistic girl. I don't want to be a person who
doesn't know how to bide her time.
Yet I don't want to be someone who always loses good chances, and this
is a good chance.
Should I?
Tell me, book of answers. What does my heart say?
Even without the numbers, I will be as confused. It's not about the
numbers, it's about the opportunity. It's about how life would be
afterwards.

I want to ask everyone what their opinion is, but I know everyone would
say it's up to me.
But I can't help it.. I'm just not sure.
What should I do ?!

Patrick and Polly Madagascar

This is Patrick and Polly Madagascar, the newest member of my room / family. They're so cozyyyyyyy.
Guess which is Polly and which is Patrick.

The pic is a bit blur :(

I'm sorry..

When I saw all about her
When I read everything else
When I imagined all about her
I want to forget myself
want to forget who I am, what I was, What I became..
When I remembered about her
I said sorry.. to myself.

1 year 5 months

Yay! It's been 1 year and 5 months ( + 1 if you count the posting date)
Me be very happy. Hopefully this will last years and years and years to
come.....
I adore you!

I wanna dance ballet

Blame the mangas and the movies that I watch, I now have a (short-term?) desire to learn ballet.
As usual I think it's going to be short-term. I usually found out one way or another that it's not going to come true..

But I always thought dancing.. would free me.. from something. As if I can move.. and be happy.
If only I have known this earlier.. or younger.

But I'm going to dream anyway :)

Doodle

This is my doodle to day,.. I had wanted to make it more detail but it ended up being too small to be detailed.

It's a lonely old man looking to the distance. (Yes, that's a man)

Running..

Running Running
Reaching for your Hope
Running Running
Once Again

Behind the frown
Did I see a hint of a sly smirk
Just as I pass by
I know you're holding on

Friends as we are
We'd meet while we run
saying hi
And it's morning all over again

While we run...

birthday piccies

So I finally transfered my birthday pic from my mobile.
It doesn't look too good. I think I need to clean the lenses or something, everyday it's getting even darker.

Here it is.. I'm 23.. *the pic is before I cut my hair*
I ate in Red Bean with family.. yay..looking very happy

I don't want to play games

I don't want to play games with you. I've had enough. You've had enough.
It's sometimes wrong to say the truth.
I'll hold you dear but we won't be together.
I've seen enough people trying to leave me.. and left me.. with anger,
with sadness, or just simply shut me down.
Am I so wrong?

I remembered crying, I remembered pleading, I remembered all the hurt,
but I can't learn. I'm so stupid.
But I can't understand.. how can people leave so casually?

I need people who never leave me.. I need that kind of friend...
I need you to never leave me..

A conversation

A: Wow you hit another homerun! How do you feel about this?
B: I know it's gonna happen.
A: Wow, so are you aspiring to be a no 1 batter?
B: Not really. I just really hate running.

Friendship

I've always been awed, and I always worship stories of childhood
friendship. Friendship that lasts till you're all grown up.. although
most people would think it's too mushy.
I can't imagine having a friend who totally understands me and what I
do, always there, and not fall in love with him.
Therefore I also adore these childhood friendship stories that ends up
in love. ha ha.. how naive..
My top list would be...

H2. Hiro and Hikari. Although I know it's impossible for someone
to know each other so much. It breaks my heart when they din't after all
get together.

I do SOOOOOOOOOOO want Hiro and Hikari to be together. Why don't we just
rewrite the story? It's a beautiful friendship, and more of a love story
rather than Hideo's with Hikari. aah.. regret for life..

Little Women. Laurie and Jo. Not as heart wrenching but still..

Gift (Korean). *forgot the names*. This one really did end up
together. But it's not so touching..

I'll add some more when I can remember them.

But for now.. I just don't have the energy..
because H2 has left me
bereft..

Cut My Hair!

I let a friend cut my hair for experience !!!
it's ... very japanese now HAHAHA
I loook like a japanese high school girl!!!
But it's all cute and fine :)) *altho it did took almost 3 hours for her
to finish with my hair*
Thanks Yumi!

Remember Quartet Cards?

A good friend just reminded me of a card game named quartet, actually it
has also popped into my head a few times this week, I don't know why.
It's a cute card system where you must collect 'family card' that
consists of 4 cards that would be distributed randomly to the players.

It's a creative way to play cards and the design is usually interesting.
I remembered that I had a set of card, and one of them was the 'Dewi'
family card. So in the family group there's Dewi Malam, Dewi Hutan, and
another two which I cannot recall. The pictures are interesting .. hmm
remembering the cards make me want to make my own card set. If only I
have the money and enough Photoshop skills .. lol

Happy..

Happy and black and blue
Why?
I don't know..
just happy..

Falling down the stars

Stairs.. to be exact.

Hahaha I fell down the stairs in a stupid way..
sliding and can't stop myself.. lucky I saved my glass from peril. in
the end I got just a few bruises and a 5 inch skin scrap.
nothing much except that a certain panda was behind me and laughing
saying I fell down in a funny doink doink sequence.. err..

On another note I noticed that people deffinitely work or performed
better when a certain standard or target is set. When a person is given
a standard / target to go over to, they actually believed somewhere in
their mind that it would be possible to do it or that someone else had
done it. I've seen it numerous times, especially in Fear Factor the Tv
Show. The first person is at a disadvantage, because he/she/they don't
know what would be the normal time to do a challenge so they can only do
their 'best'. But when the second person goes, he/she (apart from
already watching how the first person does his act) knows that he/she
has to break that time limit no matter what to get the prize, and
besides the first person had proved that he can do it in such a
time.When you know someone before did it, it became something human to
do. Even if the person who did it was very strong, or that you have only
1% chance of winning.

I've also seen it in my workplace, when I set something to be done in 4
days, it was done. But of course put a time limit that's feasible if we
work efficiently. Not a time limit that's feasible if we work 12 hours a
day.

Stupid Oil of Olay

So the other day Oil of Olay held a program offering to exchange old
moisturisers with their new product Total Effects+.
So mom and I went to the mall at 9.45 AM, before the shops have openned,
and we head to the stall once the doors were openned.

When we got there apparently there's already around 60 people (God knows
from where since the door has just openned). I counted around 60 people
then out of nowhere annoying people come and cut the line, friends from
those in front of us. It's pretty annoying but I thoguht it'd get only
to 70 people or so, but by the time the stall openned at 11.40 (yes it's
a 2 hours wait!) so many people had cut the line.

And guess what, Mom and I didn't get it coz we were the 101st person
from a 100 quota... bummer.

Bad marketing system.. They claimed that they're not responsible for the
line cuts and all.. and I agree, but if I got there at 11.45 and cut the
line in front of their eyes, would they let me ?

It's all probably a lie. Maybe there are some of their own people too in
the line. Cutting the quota short.

Oil Price rockets....

So the government decided to raise the price.. again..
Can't they find any other solution besides making the poor poorer and
the rich richer?

If the problem lies in too many vehicles going around then why do they
give each Representative a lux car?
And all the marketing program involves giving cars away?

Why not instead take all the illegal money from the corruptors instead?
Heck Indonesia's rich enough to let outsiders take its oil for cheap

We're happy!!! Are we?

... office is back!!!
We're happy!!! Are we?

Well first, i'm having a bit of headache + flu symptoms. Not only me, Dad's also having coughs.

Secondly, I had hopes that the office would have a positive atmosphere after all that rest but instead it's still the same thick atmosphere (maybe there are too many people working in the same floor).

Thirdly, There seems to be a number of people leaving the office. It's getting lonelier and if they haven't got the replacement yet that means more work for everyone left.

so everyday I have to drag myself from the bed, everyday thinking whether I can take the day off or not...

Are we still happy, friends?

Self-pity

Does this ever happen to you?

Sometimes I say to myself..
People don't have to like each other..
we can hate each other it doesn't matter
we have our own principles..
or.. I don't care they don't know the real me..

But the more I think about it, the more I realize
They're just an excuse of my fear of being disliked by someone.

Why can't I just say, I hate being disliked, I feel lonely.

As a matter of fact, I just did..

Scary..

I'm scared..
trapped in this illuminosity..
What's going on?
Save us..


I discovered something that made me even more disturbed, such that I cannot write it here... perhaps someday I can retell.

I have learnt something yesterday as I listened to a conversation in front of me. It is that..
When we push our principles, when we chase those others, when we fought and won... we will be the last standing person, and that must've felt lonely.

What does it mean? It means that sometimes we cannot fight for what we believe in, because we are human and we need more than just a correct principle. It is best to hold back, swallow a little bit of pride or indignancies and smile..
Our life might be a lot happier and less lonelier that way.

Idling..

Look what I've done in my 'holiday'! I finally managed to finish what i started almost a year ago. Isn't it cute!!!!!?!? Too bad the picture's a bit blurry and the lighting's all wrong.

Building such a cute thing made me proud of myself.. and gave me some of my confidence that I can finish the things I set to finish after all. It's all in our minds

Tomorrow's my mom's birthday.. and I hope we'll have a lovely time. No nags, no complaints.. just peace.. I'm looking for peace a lot these days.

Maybe it's because of this unfinished office businesses? I'm like a chicken without a head, I don't know what to do.. and everyday I felt like I had made a mistake, that I should have done so much more, guilt, fear, and regret.. of what? I'm not even sure.

How to report user?

I was pleasently surprised a few minutes ago when I saw a comment on my blog.
But then it apparently seemed to be a SPAM comment. Now I'm trying to find out how to report the Blogger user. Can't seem to find any clue on the Help section though. Anyone?

Another silly problem today is that I keep on misplacing my mom's birthday card. Actually it's supposed to be a dad to mom birthday card. I misplaced itself a year ago just near the birth Date, and it has misplaced itself again this year. What's wrong with being my mom's birthday card anyway?

Well well..

Working from home does have its pros and cons.

My Pros:
- I could wake up at 10.00 AM like I did today
- I could do whatever I want in the mean time when I don't have anything to do
- I can wear anything I like

My Cons:
- Internet connection on dial up is very .. very.. bad.
- There's no one to talk to!
- Team Coordination seemed to be reduce 80%.

So I spent my idling time to wrap my mom's presents (which I'm not very good at). I am planning to give her a handbag that she can use to go to the office. So I have to twist the bag this way and that to reduce the paper wrapper space it's taken. I hope the bag won't be ruined by Wednesday...

aftermath..

Then yesterday, all the crews have to wait a few hours to no avail. Waiting for our good boss to explain the situation. Unfortunately, he didn't come in physical (altho he was only about 2 km away) but submitted a message via one of the seniors. What? After those hours waiting without nothing to do?

Anyway from now until who knows when I'm gonna work from home whatever I could until further notice.

I slept till 10.30 AM today, felt marvelous! Haven't bathed and just brushed my hair coz someone from waterworks came.

I'm looking forward to change my blog layout but I'm still waiting for some scans I need.

People are just so...

confusing.

Sometimes we think that an old friend was ready to keep in touch again and instead we're faced with this enermous wall that we didn't know exists!

I'm bummed. But I can't do anything about it because I don't want to sound as if I can't let people go. but still..

You make me uneasy, do you know that? Like Rukia in Bleach when Gin suggested to save her... In one sentence you make my world fall apart by giving me a silent blink of hope and then you take it away again.

It's 00.14 guess what..

My detained colleagues are out from the police q. But
my bos isn't. I must commend him for his resilience
and persistence in handling the case in one day. The
head police (of that particular district) seems to be
missing or refusing to come to the office. I expect
he's taking a sudden labor/pregnancy leave haha. When
anything goes wrong we should always believe that the
country, and its people will stand by for the truth
and lawful (how lawful and truthful are we actually?).

Anyway I wonder how much loss do we suffer when we
close down the office for 1 day?

A competitor has even heard and sympathized me in
Yahoo!Messenger today. He said that they're also
preparing themselves just in case the police came to
their office too. What solidarity! I'm impressed haha.

But i'm sure that they're laughing at us from behind,
somewhere.

Certainly beyond ordinary

Well today certainly goes beyond ordinary.
Our office got closed today by the police. Why? Because of licensing, not software, but polyphonics. That's how dangerous music is.

I was just getting back from lunch. We just went into the office and saw strange people around and I thought we have strange looking guests today. We got upstairs and saw more people, and one with a uniform. Then they asked for our ID, all 29 of us. Maybe my crime records won't be so clean after this?

Things got pretty hectic especially since none of the management seemed to available until almost 3 PM. The office boy freaked out, maybe he had a bad history with the police or something? But one of the guys managed to calm him down.
When we got out the office was closed with a yellow line as if some murder happened there and the neighbor offices were looking out behind the windows. We look like a bunch of underground kids maybe running a secret operation to ruin the government.

I'm lucky I didn't get to be brought to the police quarters coz 'til now they're still there waiting for some official police to set them free. But they weren't being rude at.. that's a good thing. I bought them some drinks, I think the police wanted some too but I didn't have enough, sorry sirs.

But this makes me feel a bit useless, for apart from getting some documents to my boss I didn't really contribute anything in managing the situation.

All's well that ends well. Tomorrow we're coming to work again, hopefully with the servers ready or else I'll have nothing to do. Why don't we all take the day off?


Now I still have to do my homework, which I suck at. Let's hope tomorrow will be a better day.


PS: There's something extraordinary besides that, which is, an old friend called. It's nice to hear his voice once again :) I'm pretty happy about that. All clouds have silver linings..

Buying Book Online and stuff

I just tried to buy books online, for my uni work of course. I wanna see if it really works and they won’t run away with my money. If you’re searching for Indonesian Books and stuff do try to go to http://www.bearbookstore.com I think they need the money. They give 10% discount and a referral program that I don’t care to join. Anyway if they suck I’ll remove the link J

 

There’s a cute site if you’re looking for something to do in your spare time which is http://www.maggiemarket.com . It’s in Chinese but it’s not that difficult to look for the game since it’s right there on top.

 

I’m again using the email feature of blogger.com and it’s convenient if you can’t browse around like me in the office.

 

Remind me to..

Delete this post.

I’m testing the Sending Postings by Email feature.

Cool.

 

Tragic Incidents, Continuation

Continuing from the previous post about tragical incidents, in truth, I am scared.

I'm not too scared to admit that I'm scared, though.
When I hear news like this one, I tend to imagine how it happened, what it felt like for her, how life at that particular moment seemed.

To me, it's surreal. And when we realize that this is some normal citizens, with no strange behaviours or nothing to provoke these incidents. I feel insecure, do you?

And I can't imagine if it had happened to someone in my family, what would I do, what should I do? This makes me unbearably sad for the family. This is not something normal, this is worse than a car accident, or some other. This was murder, intent. There was no telling how frightened she was, how lonely, how she saw death.

This is going to stay and haunt her parents everyday throughout their lives, especially if the killer wasn't caught. Hey it's haunting me right now!

Yes, I too, am tainted with this person's deed. I know I'll forget it in time, those who heard about the news all will, but the family won't.

Why does this matters to me now, you ask, I don't even know her.
This matters because she matters...

Tragic Incidents

Sometimes I think I am a hypocrite, and that most of us are.
Recently there was a university student girl from Binus who was raped and then killed in her rent room somewhere in Jakarta and everyone was talking about it, how poor she was, how sad, how cruel the killer was (for I heard her neck was almost completely cut off). Anyway I know it's horrible and I felt very disturbed whenever I think about this.

But in a sense I noticed a long time ago, and now too, that we try to rationalize these things to accept reality while it's quite impossible to do. And then we feel guilty and we somehow try to identify our relationship with her and we try to find all sorts of reasons to pity her more. For example, that she is currently in her last semester, almost graduating. That she is so beautiful (in my opinion), etc etc that makes this even more tragical.

What I noticed so clearly is that usually even the family of the deceased or victim (in interviews) would say things like this (not in this event, but in others) , "He/She was my youngest,he/she was always clinging to me." Or even the opposite, "He/She was always so independent.. ". And then we'd feel 'what a shame'.

In short, we create reasons to grieve. Why do we need these reasons? Do we feel guilty to grieve without them?

it doesn't make sense when u think about it, so what if she was the youngest, even if she wasn't the youngest wouldn't we all be as sad as well? What's the difference between almost graduating and just graduated, or just enrolled? We'd still be sad, we'd still grieve, we'd still mourn.

Maybe we just love gossip, it's something to talk about. But I must admit that I too, at times agree and create these kinds of reasons in these situations.

And I wondered, whether I'm creating this reason (and this post) just to feel bad / sad about myself?

Actually today was extremely tiring, but it helps to republish an old blog every now and then doesn't it? When nobody cares it's good to know that you always have yourself...


Can we help being the person that we are?
or should we always wear that impeccable facade that we are truly not
all kings must be powerful , strong and wise,
all queens must be elegant
they made so much sacrifice
for us that could not understand who they really are..

Please understand.. who I am..

Republishing Babablue-Blues

While hearing X-Japan, I'm reannouncing the past, not renouncing. Yes it's all coming back to me.
A lovely box with a soft purple ribbon on it,
Where all the shadows that haunts
will be kept
and celebrated
each and every second

You may be surprised
but it wasn't you at all
when these times came by
only the past make me whole
only the past understood
only in the past i can dwell
swimming in the dark

not the tragic past
not also the confusing past
that sweet innocent past
where there was nothing else
not even you

so it wasn't you at all
although i was laughing
and they think me insane
a hypocrite by the name

but i can't help it
if it wasn't you at all
right now
right then
until when?

I have no candles to blow
no song to sing
no falling stars
but i did smile

Somehow the tears flow by
and the window stayed dry
the thoughts afar
i wished i was as wise as you are

hearing old voices
seeing old faces
making me smaller
I'm fading why

it doesn't matter
if i laugh or cry
i only wished
your fragrance was there

Testing. I wonder if My blog works now :(

Does blogger works? does it? does it?

As you may guess, yes I've been playing instead of making my project. Why? because the project sucks big time.

I got stuck with every error, the people I ask don't have any solution, the people at java.sun.com don't answer my topic in the forum. And each error solved gives another problem *AAAAAA* why did I choose jsp .. *sigh*

You know you played too much Harvest moon when:

1. You brush your dog everyday at least 15 times a day and talk to it
2. You give flowers to every male and female that you meet.
3. You make spaboiled eggs
4. You fish for garbage.
5. You sleep at 5.50 and wake up at 6.00
6. You dream cows

consumption of McDonald's French Fries can cause cancer/tumor ?? That's the 'in' thing now among the guys in the college. My friends have been known to prefer McD"s fries compared to any other, but read this article anyway http://www.charlotte.com/mld/charlotte/news/local/3128245.htm
And any boiled and baked/fried Rich carbohydrate food. What are you saying, now we can't even eat proper baked stuff ?!?! DO you mean.. I can't eat CAKE?!
OH NO!

Anyway.. I shall go and sulk ..
While trying to manage why my jswdk keep giving me "Problem Creating Admin Registry"

I'm getting mushier by the minute. I re-watched Kamisama, Mou sukoshi dake and it's still as sad :( I like some of the logic in it but dad doesn't seem to agree. There's this Korean drama in the tv endless love, and it's also enermously sad everytime I watch it. *sniffles* I don't remember me being this fragile when I was a kid, what's wrong with me now..
Obviously I realize it's just a movie, etc, but it's still sad.

Sometimes when I watch a movie I wonder why does this movie have soooooooo manyyyy crying scene. I mean does it have to be that dramatic.. then I thought well if I'm in that big of trouble I guess I could cry too. But I still prefer non shouting scene. I mean if you have to fight with someone you don't really have to scream on top of your lungs everytime, do you?

There's a replica of Itazurana Kiss here, called Ciuman Pertama. Sux! What happen with all the creative brain existing now? What happened with all the script writers? And I just know it will turn out really weird if you've watched the real version and can't help comparing.

It's time to re-blog. There's so many things that I did and didn't do that I kind of forgot which one to write.
I went to the dentist, since the dentist was busy I was relocated to another dentist who deffinitely gain my favour.
No, it's a she! She just look as if she really knows what she's doing and tells me all the things she does and what's happening with me teeth. I got a couple of small cavities but the old dentist seemed reluctant to patch it up cuz she's busy thingking of her "nasi liwet" so she said.. I don't think it's important at all to patch it, either way it's jsut a little one.. *what m i supposed to do , force her to make a most probably lousy job to my teeth? so I just nodded happily and got relieved pretty fast from the room.

Had a haircut.. looks like matsu takako. the bangs are giving me a bit of trouble, and I didn't know what to do with them as opposed to looking at so many similar hair cuts on the movies. Then again I don't have a hairdresser running at me everytime someone says "CUT!"

Do you believe in fortune telling? Palmistry, etc all those stuff. I am not sure whether to believe in them or not. A friend of mine got fortune telled and it seems that it's not that nice though it's not that bad either. So if we follow what the fortune tellers advices us, would we be putting ourselves in someone else's hands or into our own?

dreams: inspiring murder, party, pool, school, dormitory, ..
A particularly interesting dream was about a commercial.. making one actually.

The product is i think some kind of handphone / sms service. The idea was making a short movie... where there I also become one of the actresses *ahem* hehe. i m supposed to have these two girlfriends and there are three guys.. somehow with conflicts or something else I didn't remember all of us got married.. *not to each other I mean three marriages* .. then somewhere in the movie then one of us will ask but where should we contact to get the arrangements done (I dont' remember too clearly), then there's a cellphone shoot with one of us typing the number. Then the movie continues and so on. So the real commercial is sort of disguised, natural. It may sound cheesy to you but it was nice in my dream at least.

Days full of games. Blissful!
Downloaded Pizza Tycoon, Princess Maker 2, Secret of Mana 1 and 2, Live a Live, 7 Cities of Gold. My life is gonna be busy. :P
I wanted to download Quest for Glory 3 since it brings back good memories of the game, but it's 7 megs... which is actually less than PM2 but finally I downloaded the latter.

Smurfie's stuck with his stories... actually glued to the screen instead of football ... WOW!

OOAD is hard, GDSS is hard. What else is going to be hard.
Friend is getting married, wow.. it seems such a short time since he's been a lousy flirter to the opposite sex. Anyway, people do change and do get seriously serious.
All the best and cheers to him.

I lost my silly exam docket which was fortunately re-printable. I watched the game while writing GDSS and all the rest of the gang down.
I still can't memorise some of the explanations needed. Sniff.

I finished Mists of Avalon. Tragic, but nonetheless beautiful.
The priestess of Avalon may not be as beautiful but I hope the difference may not be so large.
We shall see :)

"he worships the ground she walks on" .. where did that phrase first come from? or she worships the ground he walks on?
I have grown to like the phrase. Though I know not why, only some encounters on books have I met the phrases.

One exam has passed, it was not easy as the question trends change. I hope not to meet the same fate with the rest two.
I have never understood DSS before, even as we went through the questions over and over again it remains alien to me.
But now as I try to memorise them, slowly some understanding came, but not much I'm afraid, and I can only hope that I can understand enough by the time Sunday comes.

Senegal France 1 0 .. as if the rest of the world did not know this.
LOL. Sunday exam. Now internet. Live for today, yeah!!!!
I dreamt of Kudinar, again. But I forgot what the dream was about.
Only now can I recall that I dreamt of him. Is something wrong with him? somewhere? out there?
I surely hope not.

Watched Monday.
Crazy Funny Japanese Movie. Go figure.
About time I start revision.
When revision starts, everything else but time stops. Sniff!
Started reading Priestess of Avalon. Still in the middle of Mists of Avalon but I'm always ready for new books.

Watched Star Wars II. Attack of the Clones.
Well. where are the clones actually?
Nice aircrafts!

The college is full of footballitis people. Baloons everywhere now for the virtual FIFA thingy. It's a game, I suppose?
I'm too ignorant to notice.

I'm reading Mists of Avalon.
Good for practice not to mind things so much. I'm trying not to delve my feelings to the book so much. It's a lot about religion. Good for those who have good faith!

Performed.
Almost fell down cuz I jumped too high.
Besides that everything was ok.
Very hot.
Very sweaty.
The silly MRC people lost my library card.
i'm enjoying free full access to any computer though now.
So I don't want to really complain.
HA HA HA

The waiting was much so much longer than the practice.
But it turned out better than I had expected.
Sleepy eyes and full stomach, what else can a girl want?

Passed up the assignments.
Saturday is dancing day again.
Para para. this time without the Macarena part, but instead I fly around clapping hands.
How crappy it is? just imagine.
Ayumi Hamasak's I am.. is haunting me.
AAAAAAAAA get me off it!!!

Watched Spiderman. Well..spiderman! What else do you expect? Lol
Two more days,two more assignments to go. GO BABA!

Someone just said Baba the witch. Cool, so now I"m a witch ?!

Dreamt about Para Para Sakura. We were dancing again with a lot more people. The instructor now is a girl who danced perfectly (or so supposedly). I kept missing my time count and I danced horribly.
Anyway, it was just a dream.

The anticipation was not mine alone, it seems.
But the knowledge that there are others who anticipated the same with me, is not such a beautiful fact.

A few days ago I dreamt about riding a cartwheel or something that's similar, with Starky and Smurf. We were going towards a bridge, and somehow there is a fog (probably) and I can't see a thing in front of me, or even beside me. So there I was alone riding the cartwheel and everyone else just dissapeared. Somehow the cartwheel brought me to some place and my phone started ringing. Starky called, it seemed that she's been at her house forever and she was telling me some things I can't remember now. The phone rang again while Starky was still online and Smurf called. He also reached home way before, saying like, I've been home since 6 o'clock or something. So the question remains who was I riding with all this time?

I started getting confused about my phone, both were talking at the same time and none can hear my voice, so I wanted to disconnect the line and pressed and pressed the red button. But their voice kept reaching me, they kept talking....

Kowai. Jibun de kizutsuita, ikiru tame ni.
Minna ushinatta toki ha namida mo iran, sono tame ni de, ima kizutsuketeita.
Sore de ore no jinsei da.

Watched Kenshin again. Always left me stunned afterwards. Sacrifices, struggles, honor, left me in bitter sadness.

Blogger's nuts it refused to post my last post. But anyway I'm rewriting it again for the second time.

Happy. Verrry happy.
Nightmares doesn't matter anymore. I don't even remember the dreams. I think I'm where I want to be.
I haven't been online much, and I'm enjoying it. I'm tired at nights and fell down asleep instantly, it's great compared to the almost-insomnia nights.

I handed in the proposal. He said, "What? I'm your supervisor!?" Then I was "Yeah, who else?"
He reluctantly signed under the word "SUPERVISOR". I pity him.

Flying with umbrella to Ipoh in a storm wind. I held three umbrella, let go of two, and held on fast to one, which is my kero keroppi umbrella! YAY!
Then I saw two teachers and a professor sitting down discussing a new mathematical/physic formula!?!?!?!?
Before I knew it, my parents were watching Pokemon on TV?

Long walks are revelations.
Two more days to proposal deadline. I'm stuffed. I'm lazy. I'm in a cyber cafe.
We don't have much time. I have to keep focusing on what's now instead of being insecure of what's going to come next.
I keep forgetting, but I am trying.
It's pathetic that I got sad again on and off when I think of 'time'.

New Problem: I can't stand being away too long.
Everything turns quiet and silent.
I'm not playing because I don't like to play. I always end up losing.
So why doesn't anyone believe that?
As much as it hurts I'm trying to cover it up with my hyperactivity.

Still isn't quite well yet, but somewhere there.
Anyone who knew my daily activity since a few days ago would have thought that there is no way to recover soon.
Pretty-Not is gone.
She went at 5.30 AM and I didn't wake up to see her off.
We knew that we shouldn't get attached to anyone because here we are in impermanent state.
It's either build a wall, or just blew the wall and get on with life as each person goes.
I found that the choice are not much of a choice after all.

PS: Don't forget to smile today. It does so much good in shooing the negative sparks away.

Nauseatic.
Raining.
Dozing again.
Sleeping becomes a hard task. I'm no longer enjoying the luxury.

I posted up the two poems. You can see them in the 'write' page or just click here .
The topmost two are those.

Give me the ability to trust myself again. I need this, I think.

I watched The Kid on VCD yesterday while I keep dozing on and off. It was funny. Bruce Willis sure did the 'look' and the 'smile' well.
Preethi-Not liked the kid, but I wished there were more climax towards the end.

I'm wishing for a sleep although I know I've been sleeping too much, so now I'm gonna be smarter than myself and refuse to sleep.

Now I'm sort of down with a flu and a sore voice but other than that I'm still kicking. Starky's also down with a fever, whoa what happen to everyone in the country?!

Sleep was dozing in and off and I couldn't concentrate on the dream. *hehe* If there was any.

Preethi-Not is going away :( on Friday. I should get her a farewell present, but I have no idea what. She's going to US, and nobody knows when we'll see each other again.

Today's going to be a mess, nobody says anything that makes total sense. My roommate talks and humms to herself, I have strange messages coming and now I'm blur. Blur and blogging.

Too much dejavus make life bitter again. I have to watch what I say to people before they start misunderstanding again.

Wow, I miss library. It's been quite a time since I came here :P.
After all the training for Para Para the performance was OK I guess? I didn't make any mistake that I can remember, I don't know about the others. My two housemates started asking me to teach them the dance, and somehow gave up everytime in the middle.
It's easier to learn directly with the song rather than make it slow at first since people seemed to get surprised with the speed although it wasn't really that fast after all when you get used to it.
I saw my fave lecturer with his wife and son :(, what a seriously happy family. Duh. They look like one of those in the movies, the dad holding the son lovingly while the wife feeds it or whatever. The son looked smart, I'm sure he will be. He's gonna be a hit with the ladies somehow I'm sure.
Mr. Johnny danced with Lulu, she dances great by the way. I tried my hand and obviously can't get as good as her but I got a Neopon for that!

I could sing till my throat croaks
I could dance till my feet creaks
or I could just sit and watch you
I made two pieces of poems but they're not up yet because I haven't put them up yet *duh*. One's called "Worlds ....." and the other is "Is You"
Life has been bearable and sweet. I always wished for the sweeter, but now I'd be satisfied with things as they are.

I had three dreams, all three of the same person. Papa Smurf.
In the first, I was sick, or had to get a check, and he accompanied me. Somehow he got himself a number, and it was before me. He went and laid himself on the hospital bed and they pierced this big needle on his arm and they took out a litre of his blood. It was a very big container. I saw him cringe and I cringed as well. Then suddenly it was my turn, they did the same thing to me, and I had expected it to hurt a lot, but in fact it didn't and the blood flew freely and I fainted. I woke up feeling aghast.

In the second, I was in a college probably, and somehow got this knowledge that I'm going to U.S very soon, Papa Smurf accompanied me, brought me to the airport faster before I can think. Then after all the hustle and bustle of the unfamiliar airport I found out I had no luggage, except of what in my pocket and on me. I called mom and she said she'd send the baggage asap but turned out it was too late, the plane was going to leave. I got myself a seat beside a transvestites, and then I recognized Papa Smurf on my other side. I talked with him and the plane moves, it flew but somehow it went through another city, a some sort of hidden airport, with lots of strange buildings. There are buildings painted with large cactuses on the front, there are buildings that has diagonally moving elevator, there are weirder buildings. Then the transvestite it seems, that sat beside me started telling us about the buildings, that those were made by him, and it's a breakthrough of architecture.But they still lose of the building that a U.S company has made, the next building will beat that. I have no idea what the US building's so special about but it was large, red, has lots of towers connecting each other, but I acknowledged that it was after all, beautiful.

Then I started to concentrate back on Papa Smurf, and I was surprised that he was there after all?? He was supposed to stay not accompany me straight to US. Then I somehow thought that the plane wasn't directly going to US, but stopping somewhere else?? I got confused... and finally... woke up.

In the third dream, I was just simply in a very boring classroom and I picked up the phone and messaged him, saying that i'm going to get out of this classroom, wondering whether he would have a meal. The reply never came, and I woke up.

I watched Big Shot's Funeral. I thought it was one of those silly comedy chinese? Not to say that they're silly, but they act silly to make the comedy, but this one's funny without the actors losing their seriousness. That's something rare in chinese movies. :)
Thank you papa smurf.

Slept too early in the morning at about 4.30 AM and so did not get any chance to dream a lot of things, or remember anything about it either. But I sure was reluctant to wake up, plus it turned out the due date was postponed! So much for all the work spent last night. Housemates watched Bandits in my room, and I seek refuge on my housemate's laptop, trying to force myself to open and at the same time aligning dozens of stubborn rectangles to show up properly, which turned out to be a total waste since when I moved it to my PC, it rebels on me. Note to self: Pay roommate for the print ink, and re-do the state diagram.

There were a debut of new rap singers around the area, and they came to my doorstep. We opened the door to see the manager, introducing the 3 rap singers, who look as if they're from the college. They said this is promotion, so they're coming door to door, singing so that we'll give them support when they actuall make the formal debut. So they started singing. The song was ok, the dance lame, the voice was.. well, it's rap, what can you say?
Then after they're gone, my roommate came back in panic mode, saying that somehow she has to go back to her home asap and she asked me to pack up her stuff for her. I asked how long is she going to be away, and what should I put in the bag, she said some items including lotion? toothbrush, etc. I can remember the lotion clearly because I openned her closet and there were so many lotions I didn't know which one to pack! between all the confusion, I got an sms from papa smurf saying I better wake up now. I was going to reply to him that I already woke up when I heard a distant voice of my roommate calling me. She wanted to borrow my handphone. Anything before that was a dream.

Mole's apartment got robbed, i'm not sure about the details and she hasn't given me any news as of yet, but when we were in the class she got a call from her sister and the sister said someone broke into the apartment. Big shock to her and she wrapped up quickly and ran back home. I haven't know anything since. Unfortunately her fiance went to Japan a few days ago maybe? So Nun notified another friend of ours which is not from the class to go and take care of her.

I dreamt I went with Nun and Pit to see Pit's mom in a hospital.
We were waiting, the rest of Pit's family was there, with the uncle or something. So I was sitting on the floor on the carpet, we were all passing time by chatting or watching a TV set up on the waiting room. I accidentally bumped to this very little girl so I quickly hugged her and said I'm Sorry. I turned around and saw her mom sitting near by with two other little girls, they were all wearing cute white dresses and they have a little carpet of their own, blue bear shaped with white buttons. So this girl whom I hugged somehow clung to me, she wanted me to read her a fairytale from a book, and I politely refused since I'm not there exactly for her. But the look in her eyes and the pleading made me surrender and I asked her if I can see the book first. She went into her room (a hospital room) and came out, bringing this huge book, turned out the fairy tale is a series of fairy tales .. 8 or so. So I felt I had to refuse, since I'm there to see another patient. I refused gently, and the kid started crying. The mother quickly hug her and asked me in a hurt look and voice, please not to bother her child anymore, and asked me to go. I refused to go as well since my being in the room actually has nothing to do with them, i have another purpose, then this mom had the nerve to ask Nun to ask me out of the room. And Nun actually did!! Which I refused as well. But I looked in shock at Nun, before I woke up...

Watched Wesley's Mystery. I don't know if it was meant for comedy, but I certainlly did laughed.

Found out that guys (my friends that is) prefer big women (not to say fat) instead of really thin ones. So there you go girls out there, stop your dieting right now and rejoice. They want you! And those really thing girls out there, either start eating, or be happy that you might still pass for model looks, and I know some actors/stars don't really prefer big women.

I have to be careful of what I say now, because Papa Smurf found out my old homepage (I think), where did he get the url from anyway? He said it's a year ago, or so, (maybe the previous version?) and it has more than one pics of me, that means.. um.. hopefully yeah the red previous version, not the snowland, please, no..

Here's my little thought last night.
There are a few types of guys which you an identify from the phone when they're busy.
"Hi, Are you busy? Am I bothering anything?"
Eg. He's playing a computer game.

Type A: Oh you're not bothering me but I'm sorry, I'm playing a game here, can I call you back later? - Sensitive, he isn't really bothered he just wants to continue the game, a lot of credit on his phone.

Type B: Oh, I'm playing a game, call me later. -Straightforward, common sense, irritating because you won't know when he would finish his game anyway.

Type C: Actually, I'm playing a game. - Indirect, not answering the question, he assumes that we should know how he actually feels - obviously unexperienced.

Type D: I'm busy right now ...(Diciples III music fades in the background) - He probably thinks girls can't understand the need to play.

Type E: No, not at all, I'm not doing anything, really, go on .. (A voice from the background said, "Hey why do you suddenly shut down your PC?") - Either the girl's extra special, or he's the submissive pleasing-everyone kind

Type F: I'm playing here, but do go on. -He works in the computer department or IT thing. These types of guy are used to multitasking, they force their brain on 256 MB RAM.

Somehow my lecturer got this idea that I have good time-management. ?!?!?!?!!
The reason I have so much time is because I'm not doing anything. Not because I'm busy but I schedule everything. if only she'd seen my room!
And she actually has faith that I can make something spectacular for the disabled children and the APICT award. HUH? I don't even know programming languages that well.

I have some strands of Papa Smurf's hair, anyone knows how to put spell on people based on hairstrands?
If I can't have a picture, nor can I have a lasting memory, this hair will keep me remembering at least hopefully his face.

It is such a happy moment, I just found out. To watch people eat.
I watched Papa Smurf eat just now, and I realised whoever cooks for him would be very happy. His future-wife, whoever she is, I congratulate you first for finding him. And his depth astonished me!

I dreamt of blood, a lot, and a cancelled wedding, mine. I cancelled my wedding a few days before it.
Then I went to the bathroom and saw a lot of blood, mine it seemed. I wonder what to interpret of that.

Site of the day : Terato.com
This site won the Asia Pacific ICT Award. Built by teenagers, for teenagers. Boy don't I feel ashamed I couldn't do something as good as that. OK so both of the guys were in University, one in Inti College, what the hey are they doing in the "Best Students Project (Schools)" category, aren't they supposed to be the "Best Students Project (Institute of Higher Learning)"?

If you want to know the rest of the winners, here. ITA Awards winners 2001

I'm going to like cucumber for a long time from now. Sweet Memories of the cucumber. Lol
Bribery seemed to be getting into me, now I need bribes for a lot of things. He . . He.
My MSS lecturer said that if the project coordinator said "I'm not sure because I haven't seen something like this before" it means scary. Scary is good.

Found out the comment in this page doesn't work well in IE 6.0 some javascript error because of prohosting's banner. But it does work in Opera. That's a good thing.

The Asia Pacific ICT Awards is way too high to reach. But I do intend not to make a fool of myself.

Watched Resident Evil.
Nice and fake.
Milla Jovovich is pretty enough though. The police officer's character wasn't strong enough, so I have no whatsoever sympathy on him.
Went through rain to get a bowl of Soto Ayam. Which was nice but doesn't taste exactly like Soto Ayam. It's Madura-nese anyway.
I asked whether they eat it with Lontong and everyone laughed at me, saying this is not Sate, making me look like some fool.

I watched Showtime.
Comment: It was supposedly funny.

I went to An Australian online shop Wishlist.com.au and the Last Minute Gifts section and the Best Wedding Gifts was cool
I would really love those things in my home:
1. The Napkin Rings looked cool!
2. The Garden TeaLight Holders with Carrier. I dont' know what I would do probably I would just put them in a corner but it looked really nice.
3. The silver vase. Looks like silver, steel look is 'in' these days.
4. THere's a tin looking bird house which can be used as a good postbox (if it has the construction to support it).
5. I saw a wine holder somewhere it was made from steel as well and it's smooth. It's in the Best Wedding Gift Metro Style Wine Holder. Not that I drink any wine but I can use them for other things!
6. Georg Jensen Pass Me Bowls - It looks really artistic!
7. I love fruit bowls, the pure glass, flowery wide bowls
8. Champagne glasses .. Wine glasses.. yeah.. the whole family.
9. Here's something I saw from somewhere else. It's a wooden cupboard sort of thing with glass windows on 2 of the sides. What for? I'll put lots of dried flower and little fruits there, make it look litter-ish. Great for room seperators!
10. A soft japanese lantern-like lamp. You know the square lampshades with some sort of pattern with yellow or soft blue light coming from within. They used to sell those stuff in pyramide I wish I had bought one. But yeah they are sort of expensive. Or the Eva Solo Kitchen Utensils - Fruit Peeler.
OH I found the pic. Here it is

I dreamt of Owen. He was a new friend in the dream and I didn't know much about him. We went to a university together and we did our last year project presentation at the same day. Then I found out, he had a wife after my presentation (I don't know the judges and how the presentation went). This wife also went to the same university but they are seperated. She went away with their daughter one day because of some mistake/misunderstanding. I got to know the wife and she's showed me their baby's picture. The baby's a pretty little thing. Owen's still tring to get his wife back but the wife seemed to ignore his pleadings and I got a bit upset because he didn't tell me he's married with children before. Then the wife told me that Owen's a phd and she herself is a master student. Surprise.

I went out and there were lecturers giving short tutors for the students who would go and do their presentation. I went and sat with a female lecturer, and a girl asked the lecturer about some error messages in programs but the lecturer threw the question at me. So I answered the question for her, trying my best and this lecturer pointed a nail at my cheek and dug into my skin, until I was bleeding. I wasn't moving and I just stared at her showing her that it doesn't really have any effect on me.

Then she got upset seeing Owen who came and stood beside me. She started accusing him of being stupid, and she always knew he was stupid from a long time ago, etc. Owen just looked back at her, but I got really upset. I stood and told her off, saying that "Don't call him stupid, he's not stupid, you don't call a phd person stupid, OK? And He's my friend!!!!" By then everyone was looking at me including the female lecturer and Owen and his wife, and Starky came out of nowhere taking me with her to get the attention off me, since some judges went out from the presentation room and she was worried they would see me in a fit and I would do something to jeopardize my marks.

Dinner with 6 other people makes life today complete. I top up the home style chicken with a roasted chicken set. Surely that would last till tomorrow afternoon.
I've ate with more numbers than that but I realized this is one of the most comfortable dinner I've had with people.

I ate one and a half rice which is a lot for my measure at least. Blame it on the "Home Style Chicken" which was spicy enough so that I just have to eat more rice to balance the ratio. Oh and two full glasses of chinese tea. I'm deffinitely not hungry right now.

I found a good review on Kama Sutra with some pictures from the movie (not naked of course)
I better write the url here before I lose it.

Kama Sutra Review

Anyway, site of the day is Good Housekeeping and House Beautiful from Women.com The url goes to goodhousekeeping but there's an url for House Beautiful down there.

I found a dorm decorating article on the net and it made the room so colorful it looked like it belongs to a 7 year old. Simply speaking, not my style. Not that it was a bad decorating or anything, it looks comfortable but I never did love such fancy colors. Plus the room walls as I remember in the photo was yellow?

I'm daydreaming of my own apartment, empty of all furniture. And a lot of cash. And a trip to the furniture store!

I'm searching through the net for a Kama Sutra literature. My housemates were talking about it, and when I said I saw it somewhere on a site where you could read it, they got very interested. As far as I can remember, the book teaches how to act in front of your partner, how to sit, where to sit, where you put your hands, what to say, to look or not to look. It may be pathetic in a way, but I remembered the book was especially hard to understand, and somewhat uninteresting to me unless you're really keen on the language.

Well, I found the book, but I thought there should be two, one for the male and one for the female, anyway I found it.
If you're that keen on the URL ask me personally, I won't put it up here. (Duh)

This morning a call from a classmate woke me up. I wonder where she got my phone. She was one of the most disliked girl in the Class, since she was a snob, too dilligent by borrowing other people's work, and basically just a pain, or so everyone said. I personally have nothing against her although yes sometimes she does talk too much.
Anyway she wants to borrow my assignments tomorrow and begged me to come and meet her in the library about 3. PM. Will I show up? We'll see tomorrow. I haven't even finish the assignments.

I need a lot of help for my new project title. It is about research support and I am not sure at all whether I can or can't do it. I need to find a research body who would be willing to be interviewed and give me a letter stating I am doing this all for their sakes because I'm such a sweet angel. Right now I have only sis to bug, even the lecturers rejected me. One says we'll see, the other says he had 21 teaching hourse besides I got a leak information that he's getting married. That would surely consume even more time he he he.
But I feel better because now I have two alternatives of projects to do and it seemed no one else did that project.

I haven't done most of my assignments so no more gaming in the nights *sniff* All the diagrams are starting to sicken me. And I still have an 8-page essay to do.

Doing my best to survive my education, and so good luck with your days as well.

Happy birthday Sista!!!!!!!
Another one I didn't get to congratulate here at the day. :(
Anyway I hope you like the whatever it is mom sent you he he
I joined my housemate on a short aerobic at the hostel and she said I look pathetic? well that's the end of whatever it is hehe
I dreamt the other day (can't remember what I dreamt last night), of a big family reunion and there were cousins that I never knew existed from way far down the family line. There were cute male cousins ^_^
Jounetsu - Kinki Kids always sound like a Dance Revolution song thingy, and Preethi-Not confirmed that it's usable for aerobics as well! She sort of liked the song now since it's applicable to her daily diet.
He he

Last night I ate fried rice without taste. Lol. It has all the carrot, the peas, the chicken, but it has absolutely no taste. It was like eating white rice, the others didn't fare much either with nasi kapsah or whatever it is from arab and homos which looked like guana ?! The meal was hopeless.

When the lady came to calculate how much we should pay, she asked me what I ate.
"Fried Rice"
"With what? With chicken ka, with beef ka?"
I had wanted to say Fried Rice without anything but what came out from my mouth was "Nasi goreng tanpa.. rasa" which basically means Fried Rice Without Taste. She sort of grinned and the guys laughed at me. Duh.

Later on that night I felt uneasy in the stomach, I am not sure that the fried rice was to blame.

Then I had a dream about a dirty guy (housemate of Pit) getting married to I-don't-know-who. And I was busy with the preparation, I get to be a bridesmaid! And my dress was beautiful, at least I thought so in the dream. I had a veil thingy but smaller and not over my face of course, a white plump dress with pink layers (since when had i liked pink?) I held a little bouquet. My partner to walk down the aisle is the third bestman, the tallest, who I think was Starky's brother although he doesn't look anything like Starky's brother and apparently his name is Arthur. (I dont' think I know any arthur after kindergarten). I was very happy but Arthur walks unbeliavably fast and I fidgeted to tidy up my dress, fumbling with the bouquet he gave me and also trying to smile my best at the camera.

Went to the cimp talent nite, it was funny and the performance are good. I hardly noticed the time and it took like 3.5 hours! I wish I had lecturers like those. They're good sports and goodlookin' too! At least compared to my lecturers that is.
There was one band who's particularly nervous, the singer. His voice was ok and the song wasn't bad but he was really nervous until he forgot the words. But the crowd cheered on him and sang along with the band so it got on well. It was pretty sweet for the guys to sing along. Really boosted the band up!

The ones singing actually have nice voices so they actually have talents (darn I wish I could sing and dance like 'em).

Pudding Yam Milk Tea Rules!!!

Watched Save the last dance on VCD. She dances beautifully (for me). I always thought that people shouldn't dance alone, like in the talent nite. They somehow look strange, as if they're the only one worked up. But since I saw the movie I realized that that's especially not true for ballet. Ballerinas actually fill the whole stage with them, you just focus on their movements that you don't get to think about the oddities of dancing alone.

Watched "The Family Man" Nicholas Cage? as a diversion to stop my mind from wandering, it seems to be extra active lately.
Well the movie sure fits into the occasion. Why don't I ever have a glimpse anyway??

A new addition to the pictures that has not yet been added yet, this is a sneak peak although it might not be something new to some of you anyway. Warning: People with heart difficulties should not try at any cost to look at it. Don't say I didn't warn you okay? Here it is. I did smile.. I swear, I guess she clicked just when I thought it was over.

I watched Legally Blond.... Euuuummm.... I don't .. like it so much.
What with the overacting? Ok I know it's not as much overacting like Corky Romano.
But I did get to laugh at Corky and not at Legally Blond?!
She's too.. um... noisy maybe?

I dreamt something about the airport again, being late, finding the gate to the waiting room, and the plane left without me.
The other day I dreamt about stones, lots and lots of stones, what significance would that be I wonder. The story was about Starky, somehow becoming the daughter of my mom's friend, and we were in a car with her dad. She wanted to have a wall of stones .. or decorate her house with stones or something. So we went around and round to search for ideas from other houses. I suggested small stones that you stuck together with cement or anything and then spray it so that it's a bit shiny, or stones for garden paths, etc. Somehow though she wasn't satisfied. I forgot how it ends I just remembered there are a lot ... of .. stones.

I fought nature, or at least I thought so ha ha. It's a mind blowing experience. We were walking around the complex and from afar we heard thunder and rain. Someone said the rain is coming towards us and someone else was running, the guards were rushing to their tiny houses and I ran as well. I was never a great runner, not even a sufficient runner, but I ran as fast as I could with that someone else. I asked, "Is this real?" a dozen times or so to her, and she replied "YES!! It's coming!" Coz somehow I can't believe that any rain could be chasing anything, but I heard the rumbles getting closer and I ran even faster. So what if I got wet actually.. but I ran because I wanted to know if I could get to my place dry. All the time I was ordering myself not to fall. I can feel the wind blowing harder and the rumble getting louder and nearer every second. It was one of the most exciting experience in a long time I think. Just as I arrived at the bottom of my apartment, free from the threat of rain the rumble came and drench the place. Gasping for breath I was so proud to win. It's difficult to understand why it's really exciting or anything at all, but I feel great. Deffinitely.

Yesterday was daddy's bday!!! :) I wish I could've posted this on THE day. They're having blackforest and I wished I was there too :(
Well nyways.. Happy bday dad!!
Smooches and hugs.

It meant nothing than dinners and lunches together, that's what we are. There was no gang, no group, or anything significant to allow us to say 'we'. As always I couldn't stop myself from hoping and as always couldn't stop things to dissapoint me. I have too many demands for anyone to fulfill, I have to learn to control my selfishness.

Went and see Ice Age. It was cute. And somehow I found myself being matched by the others as Sid, or whoever the idiot animal's name. I don't have eyes like aliens, I don't have big stomaches, I don't walk as if I'm pregnant, what resemblance could there possibly be.

So it's holiday, but I deffinitely don't feel any change.
Still in college, in the library, still eating the same food. The difference is I don't have to go to classes but instead have about 6-8 assignments waiting to be done, which I don't have the slightest inclination to do.
I'm getting confused again about my project just as everyone else is getting clearer about theirs. Life has just got to be great at this point of time.

I'm searching all over the net for a good Indian girl baby name which has a nice meaning as well. Purpose? Secret, but not for my baby deffinitely

I had a fine dream last night I was working in some magazine company again maybe or maybe not but I have to shoot a cover photo for a magazine or something. Actually it's a team work kind of thing with my SEM lecturer (whoa I dreamt about my lecturer!) and the gang so we wore some sort of costume? and take shots for the magazine cover.