the dream

so as not to forget my dream, because i don't want to forget
I dreamt of a sheep
No
i dream of my best friend forever, or so boys say

Last day at the office
got a bundle of torn pages from a novel from my bff.. i suspect it's "Twilight"

The office turned out cool sleek and white, like an imac. with cool LCD monitors.









and then there was a party
and me wearing my photo shoot wedding dress
and i was singing with him
.. is it a graduation party?
I suppose it could be
and i was cool and calm
because i know.. i have my bff beside me
:)

Thank you

Then there were fireworks
and we looked up
and the song plays




















a whole new world
only in dreams

i wish i could make you jealous like you always made me

There are some things that can be felt
Some things that exist
even if one doesn't say it
even if one doesn't do it

There are some things I hope to reach you, felt and known.
The times when I can't say it, the times when I kept still.

Know it. Feel it.

If you tell yourself something doesn't matter... it won't, right?
If you tell yourself it won't matter.. this one tear would not mean anything, right?
If I tell myself it'll be okay.. I'm ok.. arent I?

Can you refuse a dream
so true that it's false
so brief it cannot be forgotten
so beautiful it must be unreal

Would you refuse a dream
when reality shatters it
when your heart bleeds
when it's just a dream

a beautiful one nevertheless..

Love comes

Love comes
Creeping in the daylight
Unawake and unrecognized
She robbed me off my feet

Love comes
Gently in the afternoon
slightly too late
for the sun has set and dies

Love comes
Chilling in the night
When all is silent
and the rain begun..

For Love has come with unforgiving Pain by its side..

Not Ever

Not in the same department
Not in the same company
Not in the same city
Not in the same life
Not here
Not there
Not me
Ever

speechless

Feelings left too much
Silence is the only choice
I'll speak in my dreams

stranger things

Waiting for the taxi driver to come, and read a book just newly written by a distant cousin of mine. To translate literally, the title is "When Women believe". It's a religious book on her life story and her family.

Just read a few pages when i caught a paragraph / thought that interests me, she said, when you look for a spouse (in this case, a husband) do not look for wealth, look, or even good. Look for a man who fear God, because that is the only man that will be worth of you (or us). This statement is continued by a quote from a priest Good - God = 0. Of which if we play around with the equation would mean: Good = God.

Deriving from that equation, now why would a man who is good, not worth enough, if he does not fear God?

Nevertheless, reading about fear of God always invokes a certain feeling.
perhaps somewhere in my soul it is a calling, even above all the logical, illogical explanations, contradictions, and accusations. I wonder if I will ever 'leave' this belief. :)

Even though I agree with most of the argument against the greater design, etc, and most common definitions, i find that this inexplainable feeling is persistently there. And if one can be happy living with it, against logic, why shouldn't one?

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday to twooooooooo lovely guys
One whom i rarely spoke to nowadays since he's so busy.
And another one whom is always teasing me on everything

Hope the best in life for you both.

Thanks for being great friends
Hugsssssssssssss

Actually i didn't make this picture.. someone else did
:D

May the cosmos be with you

.

tired body, mind, soul, and whatever left of me.

not thinking positive

giving up on life's hopeful hopes

liike, whatever, you know?

Plastic Flower

What do you do when you find a beautiful flower..
say a rose..
it's pink, it has fragrance and all
then you find out it's made out of plastic
and the fragrance is sprayed from a can.
Do you, enjoy it while it still has the fragrance?
Do you, put it away and lose interest
Do you, put it in a water and pretend it's a real flower, or that someday it will turn real?

Killed

there are 2 ways in which we can kill someone, 1. Kill him for real, 2. format his harddisk.
 

Office haiku

paper, pen and phone
the restless mind unfolding
it's time to search life

night haiku

the tears overflow
the window closes softly
dark rises within

Why People Need Windows

I'm sure most of you have already known about this, and yet it just
bothers my mind when we take a look at this from another level and put
it in another context

In the cave eras, people don't have windows. They make a large hole
opening on their caves or huts that serves as a door and functioned as a
window as well.
Then eventually one really smart guy, or a girl in fact, closed the
opening to prevent dangerous animals to enter. And thus, doors came to be.

But why need a window? What importance does it make. Why a room with
window is preferred compared to those with only door(s)? Now we look at
what happens outside the house or the room or whatever. There's the sun,
there's the greenery, roads, your fence, maybe a little bit of the sky.
Do we like what we see outside?
If we do, and for most people there is a certain objective in knowing
the outside or having in contact with the outside, is the reason why we
have windows.
So when we do have a chance to be close to whatever good there is out
there, we want to, and yet we are scared of the negative things they
bring. The dust, the heat, the smell (if there's any), the sound.

If we again go back to comparison with the cave age, most people spend
their lives outside, with the forests, with nature etc. A hundred
century later, people stay inside the house, the building, the room, and
by choice (actually) decided not to have contact with the 'outside' as
much. Yet if you recall the question before, most of us do like to know,
interact, feel the outside world out of our room or cubicle.

People decide that they want to control how they interact with
something that they love / like. They want to touch, only when they want
to, how they want it. They want to feel, interact, hear, see, only when
they decide to. That's why, the answers are windows. They open the
window and get whatever they can out of the limited space and time and
close it once they feel it's enough or they start to feel the
consequences. They ignore negative aspects once they close the window.
It's still there, the dust, the pollution, the extreme heat, yet they
don't have to think about it. Since now they have a closed wall, a door,
and a window. Being smart and selfish at the same time works.

You decided you like something, you try to blend with it, you discover
something you don't like about it and it disturbs or hurt you in some
way, so you close everything , put little holes just in case you need
to go back and get the best sides of it and put layers and layers of
protection around yourself. And yet we would still say.. we love that
something.

Scenario

There was a man who wanted to open his own restaurant someday.
But he was not a good cook, nor was he a good manager. What he can do, is paint.
He pictured in his mind a nice restaurant with paintings of people that he met or was around him.
So he thought that he'd make the paintings to be displayed in the restaurant as he visualized in his mind. He painted his family, he painted his friends, he painted his neighbours.

After 30 years he has paintings piled in his room, and he has now enough money to build his restaurant. but then, his paintings were too many to be displayed. They wouldn't fit, he thought. He'd have to select a few that were the best and leave the rest.

He never get to open his restaurant , and he continued painting his friends because he couldn't bear to leave anyone out.

What do you think of this story and this guy?

Gali Lubang Tutup Lubang

Dibuka lagi
diintip lagi
lubang-lubang dulu
dan dicibir
dan ditangisi

Minta maaf lagi
Terima kasih lagi
lubang-lubang dulu
gundukan-gundukan dulu

Ditutup lagi
Maafkan aku lagi
Aku masih ingat
lubang-lubang itu

Taitung

And this is a photo of a large nice tree, and a lonely chair beneath it. On the seaside park in Tai Tung.

A quite cloudy day, and complete with a melancholic mood.

I thought it would be nice to sit under the tree if the chair wasn't so old. Wouldn't be nice if I fell down huh!

Off to the Republic of China

Taking off tomorrow and coming back a week later. I hope Taiwan is
going to be a nice experience.
I'm still not sure where to go to after all the planning because it
seemed there aren't many interesting place
or really nice place even for sighseeing.
But keep it hopeful and expecting some good food.

:D
Hope that my Simpati GPRS roams so I can send some emails along the way.

dComberan

Duduk di kursi bolong. Tatap lamat namar pintu. Berharap tak ada yang dengar helaan. Dan menghirup aroma anyir. Lega skaligus siksa. Genangan air di ujung kaki Saat terlihat pun terbersit. Apakah itu air mata? Dan bukan bocoran pipa? Lantai dan dinding dingin. Pandangi air yang sulit kering. Tak ada lembah tuk dialiri kembali ke laut. Tak ada selokan yang memaafkan. Air comberan tergenang layaknya hati yang tak tenang.

Shangrila

A simple place and a state. Where no pretense need enter. No love is forsaken. No shame on being human. Where being near does nt mean hurting. Being different is a gift and not a rift. Humanity as the language. And a teaspoon of shyness just to make it real. A home and not.. Just a hotel.

clouds

On certain days, like that one, like when you tell me about life, what you need to do in it etcetera. It is not for one to stop another. It is for one to wish well and good luck. It is though for me as well a knowledge of a lonesome journey that you will undertake, rewarding as it is.

That, on which no voices I sing shall be heard
Then, on which no dreams I make shall you see
There, on which no poems I make shall ever reach..

Sahabat

Aku yang tak pernah mewujud mimpi
Kau yang tak pernah mengukir angan
Ketika kau duduk di sampingku
Kubangun mimpi itu di atas senyummu
dan kau lukis angan itu di atas jemariku

Sebab
Mimpiku dan anganmu
tlah bertemu nyawanya
Dalam diri kita
dalam bersama..

25, and still a freak

Morning, tea no coffee
Grinning ear to ear
Left kiss right kiss
all the dears

Have loved
and be loved
You were right
There was nothing to cry on

Simply grateful
The past and future
It's time to look ahead
with hopefully no fear
and with surely no regrets

Still doing silly dances
Still laughing too loud
Arms too long
and limbs too thin
I'm still a freak
the grateful freak

Quoted

"Ellen Burstyn: Its alright i can become myself and strong and a woman and be loved at the same time. "

Its a wonderful quote that i have yet to really believe and say without sounding sad and fake. And people may ask why and it is the fact that my different selves are not liking each other wholly. The part that does feel the sky has no place for a girl who defies the earth to be complete.

Not Doing The Right Things Right

Gwen Stefani - 4 AM ?
Baby what are we doing all these times?
Where am I going ?
What am I doing to people?
Am I holding to the right reasons
Am I smiling at the right time?

There is nothing right in the mind
and nothing wrong in the heart
There is everything lost in space
And something that's holding us all

Back

I went to Bali and Surabaya last 4 days, spent 2 days on each place.
Bali was beautiful in its way, and I felt a calm kind of loneliness as I walked the beach.

Sby was loud, and somehow reminds me that whenever I come there, however happy that I was I would seclude myself in the bedroom sooner or later. Perhaps because I miss home, or I need to think for myself.

There are no new conclusions through the contemplations of the week. There are no dramatic enlightments.

I am however delighted with the marriage of my cousin and distant cousins. I hope they have a fruitful, joyful life together with their spouses. I enjoyed the two weddings :)

I smile today as I am back and hopefully life doesn't get harder too soon..

Giving Us a Chance

If I may have another life
I'd do it looking for you
If I have to relive another nightmare
Why not if I could've met you

If I could be reborn
There's no reason I would refuse
For the wind and the reason
would still blow me to you

If I were to be reincarnated
why would I meditate
for it is another chance
for us in fate

If we were to die
I'd make sure we'd live
and meet just a little bit earlier
for love to live

A tiring journey...

It's a journey to the end of the world, or the beginning of the new
heaven. It's a journey to find a true light.. and when I get there, if I
ever get there. Will I look upon you beside me who walked all the way
through it, or will you be somewhere within the light, too bright to see?

I'm just tired, for being on the wrong side of the road, for sitting
across the room and on the wrong side of the table.
And if I never get to the right side, I need someone who smiled and
never gave up hope.. instead of someone who said "Whatever, I'll see
you when you arrive.." Don't we all need the same thing?

Dreams..

私は孤独の夢を見た

A Sober Cocktail

He thinks he's good
But he's not
He's just an old boot
A fantasy too tight

She thinks she's good
But she's just okay
She's just another foot
on the wooden tray

Dancing away
Yes just dancing away
Well they're having fun
A bit too much of sun

Isn't it wonderful
how love stays

The illusion was great
A martini on the ego
But they're really just
Shaking a third mambo

Dancing away
Just dance away

Swing set..

I dreamt of my two good friends... whom I rarely met because they don't live here.
I met up with them.. had a chat.. and they were both *suddenly?* married
in the dream.. and they told me that they have a child
And then somehow I was on a swing set.. and swinging away.. and a friend
pushes the swing as it comes by him.
and he pushed again.. .and then harder
Then he pushed the swing away too hard.. and I flew... and I shut my
eyes and curled
Waiting for the fall .. and the darkness after.

..

I'm running look at me
I'm smiling look at me
I'll never get tired
coz I just can't simply die

When I made the headlines
were you ever proud
When I was hit by that plane
did you ever cried

I'm tracing your steps
With a dozen roses and words
When you smiled at him
I looked at you

Thank You
Was just never enough
I thought you'd fall for a hero
If you were like everyone else

But you didn't
and you said you can't
but I've saved you a thousand times
and I would again
even if you don't
and even if you can't

So I guess it's not true
A hero doesn't make love comes true
and I'm just a hero
who loves you

Sunyi..

An old collection of my poem..

Dalam silau sinar pelangi kaleidoskop
aku kehilangan sosokmu
yang kuputar tanpa henti
tapi kau tetap tak ada

Dalam lingkaran kucari titikmu
titik itu masih ada
masih beredegup biar meredup
dan aku masih terus mencari

daun musim semi tak hentinya berjatuhan
aku baru sadar
musim gugur saat ini
saat aku menatap baju usangmu

dalam cerita sungai rindu
aku menanti tetesan suaramu
untuk kusimpan
agar aku tidak akan lupa

aku ingin waktu
agar aku lebih berbaring
mengingat hangat telapak tanganmu
yang kini tak berbekas lagi..

.

Stupidity isn't cured by working, or studying... It is cured, simply by
forgiveness.

I used to love you like rain

I used to love you like rain
I used to love you just for nothing
It's hard but I remembered
that I loved you for free

I used to bathe in your deaths
I killed you so many times
I don't know
What I became

But it's true that I remember
I used to love you forever
When the time comes you'll see
I loved you for free

What's left in the desert
No one knows
But it's not love
It might be me

I used to love you like rain
I used to love you just for nothing
It's hard but I remembered
that I loved you for free

It's hard to be happy
I don't understand why
When I open the door
I love you even more

Pursuit of Happyness

So I watched the Will Smith movie, actually half expecting to cry.
Can't say it's the best movie ever made, it's good because it's a true
story and that gives us some hint on how not to whine so much.

The movie goes around Will Smith who's a father of a 3 year old boy. He
and his wife lived in an acceptable rented house and sells bone density
scanner for a living.
He made some bad choices buying the scanners with his own money thinking
that he will be rich so soon. But life has other plans.
He couldn't sell for a few months, his wife has to work his part and
their kid ended up in a strange playgroup house.
One bad choice and luck after another, his wife left him and went to get
a new life in New York. He ended up running here and there for cash, and
even a place to stay.

It's a story about struggling, and can be frustrating to watch on a
Sunday night.
I didn't really cry but the most touching part of it was when he just
got out of the office at the end of the movie and all the crowd walking
around him.

In short it's like, you've got a wife, you've got kids to feed, you have
no job, you're homeless, you would love to have a respectable job to pay
for the family, but sometimes you gotta steal the chicken. Most people
understand and will forgive it, but not unless you're the guy who owns
the chicken. I can't help thinking what happened to a taxi driver he ran
out on, maybe those few dollars were just what he needed to pay for his
son's hospital bills, or maybe it's his dinner. Nobody knows.

Dear God

It's very simple
It's just a dot away
You're so predictable
You're just a dot away

It's life's rules
It's destiny's taunt
You don't have to choose
You'll live forever
I won't

I'm getting itchy
You're nagging me
If it's that simple
why don't you give it to me?

So I'll make my own dots
That has nothing to do with you
just wait and see
I'm going to be me

But still..
however I look at it..
you're just a dot away
and smiling so deviously
I'd forget you were God

Bitter Sweet experience..

So most of you probably knew that I went to Malaysia the other day.
It was a bitter sweet because it's a combination between the best trip
and the worst trip ever. Visit-wise it was awful, the hotel, the taxi
drivers, the flight attendants, almost everyone.
I can only say.... that don't .. ever.. ever stay at Federal Hotel in
KL. As I won't, ever again.
On the other hand I get to meet a lot of special people, who I will
always remember and miss. I totally love them :) I hope I get a chance
to come back soon and have more fun.
I only have a few pics of me there, and it didn't really show the place
hahaahaha but I don't mind at all. Go and take a peek of us :P

Anyway.. missing them everyday :)

Cleaning Up My Closet

Well, I've been on a hiatus, probably because I forgot all about the blog.
Not that anyone really noticed.

We had a great flood all over the city, and the family was forced to move out to the apartment for awhile.
Last week the flood subsided and we started cleaning up. Suprise suprise, we're not finished yet.
I lost many books, :( not just mine but also people's, and my craft thingies. I hope my weaving loom isn't affected but I have yet to see it.
I wanted to take some pictures of the wreck, but turned out my camera batteries are dead.

There's still so much to be done, and going to the office isn't helping at all. Somehow my office mood lately has been grouchy and uncooperative.

Goodbye

Rain falls ever soft
a gentle reminder of..
is the sun hiding away
from having to see you walk away?

Grey is the wet pavement
nothing is ever so wrong
for a gentle reminder of..
the day you went away

It might be easier than I thought
to let something go
maybe I already have
a few weeks ago?

When the seat is empty
and I have survived even
how anything would not be
be a reminder of you?

More Weddings

Enough already!! Please no one get married these few months anymore!
I ran out of money, ran out of dresses, ran out of hairstyles!! :))

I got 2 weddings this weekend, which means my whole weekend. One is a
junior high friend, and the other is a work mate.
The first one is more like a reunion, it was so funny meeting all those
friends from way back.
Most of them look the same, but some have an amazing transformation.
I'm glad to see how some people were still as friendly and clicked as we
used to.

The second one was .. well.. like working since I met most of the people
in the office as well :)) only in a different outfit.
It was pretty good and pretty windy. I think i caught the wind.
It was also rather sad when they asked us to take a picture, since it
would probably the last picture we will have together with the Groom.
The groom is resigning soon.

Oh well, congratulations to both couples. I'm happy to be a part of your
big day.

Aftermath

Sometimes people die not in the midst of the crisis.
They got through the crisis.
They die after. Some time where they've thought they've faced the worst.
But actually the worst part is not the loud chaos. It's the silence after.

Like in Titanic where Jack and Rose had survived the ship. When
everything was so much calmer, he had been to tired to hold on.

Sometimes you put every strength in your body and mind to get through
something and to win or achieve something, only to find out that when
you've won it you don't have any strength left to keep holding on.

Drowning?

I think it must be like drowning..

you find yourself suddenly choking.. wanting to scream. To say something at least.
You have a clear mind but you have no idea what to say, and how to say it.
How can you? When you're hardly even breathing?
You watch yourself getting further from the surface, from Life. And what came out of your mouth is a bubble of groan. A whimper, a pathetic bleat.

Then it's just the basic survival thing. You keep kicking and you keep gasping and even when you cannot say anything you try your best to cling to Life. Why? You asked, because the only other option was to Die. There was no logical reasoning in wanting to live, no romantic words on how you wanted so much to live. How do you talk yourself out to Life, and debate with Life to make it stay with you for as long as it could?

You can't, and because I can't, I can only try to breathe myself back to Life.


And it's so much like living,
The way I wanted to grab at any second that i have left, any minute, any days. Though it must end someday, whether in Death or in some other ugly form. But you can't help to want it to last a little bit longer.

Oh but that's only because.. perhaps.. that I consider life only with you

Challenges

I watched a short overview on television about Kyoto.
There was this very old guy who worked in one very expensive antique inn ($1000 / night). He worked as a guests' shoe care-taker and he was very proud of what he does there.

Then there were a few old workers on an abandoned railroad in one of the areas, and they build back the railroads to activity and hustles and bustles on their own initiatives. The comopany was almost bankrupt, and they thought since this would probably our last try, while we're waiting to be kicked off let's do something to prevent it! Which I think was an enermous thing to do, most of us would turn our backs and find another job. But they made it.

Success is a step away from when you feel like giving up.

Then, even still there was a girl who worked as... eerr.. I'm not sure what but it's some kind of a fishcatcher. She's still an apprentice and confesses that right now she's still learning how to pull back the rope, at which she will still need 3-5 years to master it before learning something else.

She absolutely has ambition and determination. But her ambition does not run wildly, she has ambition to be perfect in what she does. Most of us does not and will not think this way at all.

I have absolute awe and respect for this people.
Though I can never be like them, but I'd like to think that I will someday be as proud as the shoe caretaker.

Recently I've gotten numerous job from my boss. Some of it are actually my job, which I don't mind getting except that he's giving me extra load about other jobs as well. I'm trying to do it without mouthing any complaints to him or looking reluctant, it's a bit tricky to do with all the deadlines coming up.

I keep reminding myself that, this isn't much yet, I would probably need 3-5 years to be truly expert in this so I should take my time and learn everything I can while I do my tasks.

I also keep reminding myself that, when all the unfairness and petty annoyance happens around me, I need to focus and contribute 'my share' to the organization and not mind these so much. I shall not be envious, shall not be too gossipy ( a little won't hurt much right?) , shall not be sly to anyone, shall not try to make someone else look stupid. Be honest, be humble, do the job right.

I hope I can keep this challenge.

It's just me.. again..

I cannot bear to see you lying there..
I cannot bear to be helpless
I want to be the one beside you when your tears starts rolling
I want to be the wind that supports you when you fly
But I am simply reminded
How I can't..

The sad thing about weddings is...

to realize I do not have many friends at all, no one for me to be able
to say, he/she is the one who is able to propose the toast for us..
who knows enough about us, to say the truth...
one who I can ask to shop around with me, laugh, coffee, and live my
last single days with me...
Hopefully by the time I get to that point, I'll have a few ;)

qotd

Even if a tree doesn't seem to grow straight, it's still looking for the
same light...
-DW

Singapore..

I was in Singapore a few days ago for 6 days in total.
I had a good time, some extremely tiring time, some confused times.. all is good.

I went on 31st, our hotel was much much worse than my Malaysia trip. This time it's almost red light hotel hahaha. I went all over the country (read: city) and shopped a bunch of goodies for the happy people back home.

I was upset the first day coz I didn't have anyone to take me anywhere at all, and I never got a chance to meet a good friend there :( which is such a shame since he's so busy! The thing is when I got home in Jakarta I realized how much more problems there are in Jakarta, home and work. While in Singapore I've been busy with work but having a good time (until late night).


I got some piccies but I haven't really got it coz it's on my boss' camera phone..

To be continueedd..

...

Do you know
how much time passes
if you disappear
and come back again?

I would say
not a thousand years
but there simply would be
no time lost

All because
that I would
simply disappear too
and reappear with you

Do you know
what would I dream of
if I didn't dream of you?

I would say
there would be no dreams
and only sleepless nights
without you in my dreams

Do you know
how the world would sound
if you go?

I have to say
the world would simply be
a mass of noise
a scream
for you

Scotty

Here's a pic of Scotty!! My all new latest creation!! Made just for hmm hmm... with the right formula!!

I'm using a free pattern. And hopefully will get a kinda rough authentic look.
Whaddya think of Scotty!?!?!

He definitely took a while to finish. Jeans is very hard to pierce so my hands got stiff after awhile and I couldn't get the stitches as even as I wanted it to be.
But anyway.. Scotty's my maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! Love him love him love him.

A quote from Sad Love Song

Some people say if you want it badly enough you will be able to meet, how badly do I have to want you?

I am afraid that I cannot find you.. forever..

--- Joon Hyoong..

Need

1. Patience
2. Hard Work
3. Humility
4. Compassion
5. Understanding

In the end

In the end.. I was saved.. time again.. by your smile.. and your chids...
In the end.. I was saved.. by the outsiders..
by the unknown

..

If I send email would I be reprimanded
If I ignore.. would I be scolded
If I follow.. would this be worth it?

Rants

Birthday Resolution to be
1. Need to finish Scotty my dog so I'll be happier
2. People don't tell the truth so stop believing
3. Give up about the company
4. Get over bitchy and backstabbers
5. Plan next craft project, something to keep me sane !

Management & Information Management Problems

There are a bunch of problems in the office.. and not all of them are
the management's fault.. though some are!
I'm trying to juggle my way through the information passed through me,
making sure I pass the right ball to the right person, making sure I
threw the ball hard enough for him/her to catch and easy enough. We
desperately need some kind of management information flow here where
people know where to go to with what information. Right now everyone
says different things about one single issue which shows how much
information is lost on the way between one person to another.

Today I found out that I missed an important information, because my
'colleague' didn't think it was relevant to me and was relevant that if
I know that the plans would change or something.
We need more trust here!!!

Then I found uot that the production team has also missed telling the
marketing people some real critical infos... which I accidentally found
and passed through instead. The info has no important significance to me
myself but I found myself getting dissapointed of how much people missed
telling each other. Hopefully these kind of 'accidents' won't happen to
me. I have notified the proper / related people about these info flow
problem and hopefully things will get better.

Things will get better if we try to make them better, ain't it so?

Did you know.. I made a lamb..

Lol, I got a free pattern on one of the blogs on the internet and I
sewed up a small lamb doll.
Overall... well it's juat OKAY. The ears were too large, and I didn't
sew up the under gusset properly. Plus, I didn't fill up the lamb with
enough fillings.
:( It certainly isn't perfect despite everybody's comment that it looks
nice.
Frankly I want to make it better! Shall I cut it up? I'll post some
pictures later on.

The lamb is now at my bfs house, standing on a glass shelf in his and
his sister's room.
I hope next time I'll do better..

Strands Of Life

Relationships are like the pictures of chromosomes in those biology books..
Long, with strange holes that you don't recognise, and bumps or crosses
each other at some point.
Some will never cross again, some will be paired through the whole length.
No idea where the strand will go, and have no idea that however I try to
cross or pair it with another if it will ever work.
But I need to survive in the meantime, and see where it leads, don't I?
We all need to survive however our strand is filled with those holes and
never cross with any other's.

There are going to be many goodbyes soon, and it is just starting.
It's funny how nothing happens for a long time.. status quo.. and then
suddenly everything changes in an instant that you never expect it would.
Like journey(ing) through this nagai.. time tunnel and suddenly when you
got out of it everything pulls you and sucks you out in a black hole.
I just hope I'll see you at the end of the tunnel.

Called by the devil herself..?

He he..
On my first day in Soerabaja there's a few missed calls with no numbers.
At the afternoon I managed to pick up the call and it was from a woman:
Me: Hello?
Her: Hello?
Me: Yes?
Her: Who's this?
Me: Huh?
Her: Is this Dewi?
Me: Yes. Who's This?!!?!
Her: No. Nothing important.
Click
She put down the receiver..
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Who's that womannnnnnnnnnnn..
If she's a friend checking out or forgetting my number how come she
didn't say something like "oh.. it's me. Just checking out that this is
still ur number"
She said "No Nothing Important" in a chotto unfriendly way.
...
Might she be a ghost?
Or a jealous woman?
Or a predator?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaa....
----- Click ----

Eyes Open Wide

I have found a need to know my relatives better :( I've been half-asleep
living through these world.
I love the patience of my grandma..
How she is often silent, unobstrusive and doesn't ask too much questions..
She is highly attentive though, though I cannot say I'm very close to
her since I don't get to meet her that often.
I should say however, that I'd love to grow old like her
*personality-wise* if I ever get old.
:D

Back..

Back from Surabaya.
Had a wonderful holiday, and got tired of Indonesian food. Need
Japanese/Western and more Chinese food!!!

My sis going off on an airplane to NZ first, hope she has a safe journey
all the way and enjoyed the trips.
I hope she'll enjoy her new job as well and will tell me more about it
later.
*Sending hugs over the air*

Final Fantasy Concert

Hey Yay!
I watched Final Fantasy Concert by Twilite Orchestra last week in Tennis Indoor Senayan.
It's kinda like watching a good movie beside a little baby in the cinema. Good contents, bad environment.

But anyway the songs were good of course and it has started a Final Fantasy Fever in the office since some of our friends watched too.

We sat in the tribune while the others went for the Festival (Standing) tickets.

These are some piccies that I shot from my phone's camera.

Being the Bad Person

In our lives we make choices. Some choices are hard, some are easier to
make like what's for dinner today.What if, one day, you have to make a decision that's either way is bad. Like the silly test about who to save when you can only choose one person to save. Like what if you have to choose between bad and the worse. Can one be fair in one's choices?

Am I ready to be a bad person when the time comes? Are you?
Knowing that either way around you're going to carry a large hole in your heart, a burden in your deep soul, a tear that you might never allow to fall, can you make the decision?
And if that's not enough, you know people are going to hate you for the decisions you make, and you yourself will be haunted and will sometimes regret it. The path you took. No one might ever understand why you said what you said, did what you did.  And sometimes you would have no chance
or no strength to tell anyone. Can you make the decision?

But hey someone have to do the dirty job, someone has to be blamed.
People need to blame to rectify themselves, to reassure that however hard the decision is, it's still wrong to some people. We can't always be right. Or can we?

I always thought it's great to be a good person, but to be a 'bad' person, at least from everyone else's view, well sometimes it took more sacrifice, more courage, and more heart.

...

So happy to meet you

I want to meet new people, who so wonderfully changed me and how I live
my life in their little ways..

I have loved the experience last week.. of me meeting people in Malaysia
all by myself.. then meeting a beuatiful Korean woman.
I've learnt so much from how they talk, they present themselves and say
what they want to say.

It has particularly pushed me to be a better person.. a better person at
communicating I hope.
I used to be very passive. When there're new people around I would hold
myself back until that person is introduced by someone else or introduce
themselves.
Now I realized that I need to take a more active role, be more cheerful
towards new people and initiate myself to introduce myself.. and it has
worked I think in a much better way.

I just want to improve who I am, whom I work with, and how I work..

Thank you for those of you whom I have met.. because you have touched
and taught me things that you never realized teaching.

supermanNme

supermanNme,
originally uploaded by dewikeren.

That's Superman!! .. handsome isn't he!?!!
and who's right next to him but meeee!!!
Yay!

I got to meet the superman.. he's kakko iiiii

Would love to take a pic with my hands on his waist or chest but people are loooooooookin'!

The Happy Thursday

Relating on what happened on my trip besides the Aircraft and the hotel,
I get to see some of my friends!!
I got to meet Lulu and KahLeong!! We spent the whole day shopping, I had
lunch with Lulu in 1Utama which is now a very large Mall just outside KL.
It was a quite good ramen shop, although they gave very little sashimi
to us :(.

I bought some omiyages for the people back home, rushed over here and
there before finally getting picked up by KahLeong outside the mall.
He drove this cute Kancil that seemed small for his size hahaha. Anyway
we went to Petaling street, and shopped some more.
I bought 3 cool T-Shirts that I hope won't be ruined by washing. It has
a printed monkey face that's just catchy and good. I'll post up a pic
when I wear it.
I also gave 2 of the other T-Shirts to My Dear and he loved it!! Thank
Goodness!!

I caught a glimpse of a good oriental looking bag but didn't get to ask
how much was it for. :(

I also bought some J-Drama VCDs with Bahasa Malaysia text which I 'm
sure not many people would love reading it. Anyway it's for me myself so
I'm pretty satisfied.
I have yet to watch them though. Plus I bought an original DVD of Grave
of the Fireflies live action for RM 12 something hopefully with a good
English subtitle.

I ate a so-so Char Siew Rice with Kah Leong. They gave so many Char
Siews that we couldn't finish them all! I actually have unclear pics of
the Char Siew and the Petaling Street. Will Post them when I get home.

What a wonderful... stress-free ... day!

Here's a pic of the petaling street... just when I'm getting home.
There's a few car strangely parking. We suspect it's intel hahaha
Well, we caught YOU on the camera!

My English Sucks

After a few days over there in KL, I've realized how much my English
have deteriorated (verbally).
But, I have the amazing ability to adapt to my surroundings and within
two days have reduced myself to a sound Manglish!

Now I need to review the hotel. I stayed at Eastin Hotel in Damansara.
Overall it deserved the 4 star it has received, and I'd give them that
in any review.

First time I came it was 12 PM, and they didn't have a room ready yet
for me.. which is quite dissapointing because I had wanted to freshen
myself up.
The room was spacious but bare, kind of boring and lack of decoration.
But still the large space is good.
The bed is a bit too hard for me, but since I'm alone and it's a queen
size, I can roll around for all I want.
Then they didn't have an international adapter, which I desperately
needed for my laptop, so I headed to Mid Valley and bought myself one.
After a few days I think all the housekeeping, room service people has
known me. I've called almost to all extensions available.
The internet is 40 RM per 24 hours, that's quite a lot but I guess its
hotel rates. The speed is OK.

I had some problems with the telephone lines. On two of the three phones
in my room and bathroom, it keeps saying "You have message" but I
couldn't do anything about it.
On another phone, I could call to the other extensions but I couldn't
call outside with the 9 + Number code, so I had to bug the operators on
and on.
The good thing is , for failled calls they didn't charge me anything. I
remembered in some hotels they would charge you for trying to call even
to a busy or wrong number.

The basic amenities were ok, good packaging. They didn't check the mini
bar when we went out, they just asked me if I consume anything and they
just trust me. (Yes I'm telling the truth that I didn't consume anything!)

The conclerge were nice people, I like them the most compared to the
front desk people. So I gave them a RM 5 tip on my way off.

So that's how I gave them the 4 star they deserved. Hope my next trip
would be better (Or maybe I'll stay in a better hotel downtown)

Here's a pic of the hotel where I'm staying! bare,huh?

In KL!!

Well I'm right now in Kuala Lumpurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
used to be my 2nd home!

Everything looked almost.. almost the same.
I'm staying in the Eastin Hotel, I'll review it later, but first.. Air Asia

Well I encountered some problems with Air Asia.
First of all, they changed the flight time without telling me.. Luckily I called up the customer service to change the time and found out that the schedules have changed.
The guy who picked up my phone then changed my schedule to 17.30 and said to me that "this change is free for you since we changed the flight time" as if he was doing me a huge favour.

Secondly, they didn't open the check-in counter until like 1 hour before flight like they had stated in their ticket.

Thirdly, The plane seats were so close to each other that I'm doubting its safe .. but of course what do I know about safety.

Fourth, they didn't have the Malaysian immigration card to give to me.

On a plus point the stewardesses were quite nice, and somewhat cheerful.

I hope this doesn't happen to me on the way back!

Wedding Rush

Geez, another cousin of mine got formally proposed! Another one! In a
few months I've heard of so many weddings.
Whats the hurry gals?

Are the boys getting scarce or what?
Anyway congratulations and hope I can wear something nice for u guys
wedding

My inner Devil..

Devillish me,
originally uploaded by dewikeren.

I'm fighting my inner devil... not so cheerful like the picture.
There are many incidents many mistakes, many words that will change my mood in an instant.
Even when I'm feeling positive, I could be torn apart in the next instant.

Call it my devil in me... the one who reduced me to unhappiness. The one I'm trying to say goodbye to, with difficulty.

Let's just see what happens..

Trust, Sharing a life..

Lately I have come into a state of calmness, I'm not sure until when, but I'm glad I'm going through this stage at last.
It took a bit while to forget my insecurities, my stranger thoughts, our imperfections, and our frictions...

Actually sometimes I'm still dissapointed when I see that I don't know everything about you.. saw everything that you do... while almost nothing have passed in my recent life that you are not aware of. But I've come to accept it as a part of you that I may not touch, may never know, but respect.

But of course in time, we could try to get our lives closer and closer ..

Thank you.

Narsis2

Narsis2,
originally uploaded by dewikeren.

Those who never seen me b4.. well this is me..
Finally I'm testing Flickr and uploaded my own photo.
This is usually against me and I'll take it off soon. Dun like my boss to find out what i'm blogging!

Something Indonesian

Inspired by 20th Century Boys volume 8

Kau mendaki..
Aku tahu..
Kau berusaha begitu keras..
Walau begitu lemah

Meski jatuh..
Meski terluka..
Kau mendaki..
dan aku memandangmu..

Saat kau perlahan menghilang
dalam deru suara mesin..
Sesaat jagad raya sunyi
dan hanya nyanyian jiwamu yang kudengar

Aku terpaku hampa memandang
Ketakutan..
Kebencian..
Monster hitam..
yang kini tampak indah..
karena kau ada di sana..

Safari

I also forgot to record.. that a few weeks ago 26 May 2006 we went to Safari in Puncak.
Lovely lovely. It was a lot of fun, but I think the animals have gone lesser and timid.
We enjoyed the Sea Lion show very much, they look so friendly and cute.

I got some on my digi camera but the battery soon ran out. Dad bought us a disposable camera though.. made me feel better. We haven't process the film camera so I think I'll post more pics when we have and scan it.

In the meantime, here's a bear!And a curious zebra!

The Engagement

Just for records, last Saturday my relative got formally proposed to. I'm late in blogging.
I think she looked sweet in her kebaya dress and she looked happy in the photo. I didn't get to see the event because of some misunderstanding.

All the same I wish she has as much happiness as she can, like in Ima, ai ni yukimasu.. but not as sad as that movie..

Talking about the movie, here's a tiny token that I took from a website ... a screenshot of the film.


Alas, the movie points one of the good points of the rainy seasons. I wished it had been the winter season. Much more fatale.. much more dramatic... much more deadly...
But of course.. rainy seasons worked in the movie too.

Those of you out there

Hmm I've been wondering if there are any lost wanderers that came into this blog.
For those of you who read this post, please say hi to me in the comments.
It'd be amusing to know who actually arrived.

Anyway, I know that sometimes I just didn't try hard enough.
I'm just too lazy to do some stuff. Recently I've been asked to do a presentation for my boss
and I didn't do anything impressing and in the end the other boss stepped in and changed everything by himself. Though I suspected that he's deliberately trying to do some guilt-feeding to me, but well it kinda works after I saw some better presentations out there.

On another issue I'm totally lazy to do my studies as well. I didn't even finish a chapter on my thesis these 2 weeks and that's a real shame. Everytime I tried to do something the same sentences came out and the whole chapter looked like a pathetic chant.

I need to get my fighting spirit back, but just too lazy to even do that.. .dang I'm actually enjoying my laziness.

Web Comics

Oh yeah, Recently I've been hunting some web comics and would like to share this URL to those who are bored out there http://www.manatheater.com It contains animation of secret of mana scenes with twisted conversation. Some of them are funny! Check it out, the guys at the office loved it even if they never played.

Talking about office, I've mentioned that I'm having flu just now. I'm thinking of taking tomorrow a half-day off. Alas I couldn't manage a full day off because there's a project that needs to be started ASAP. But I'm thinking whether people would actually buy i'm having quite a flu since I could go to see the MI3 movie.

Whaddya think?

MI3

We watched Mission Impossible: 3, like the whole company together, but some people didn't show up. As usual there are regular non show ups who I'm still begging to know why.
We had quite good fun though I'm having a flu and wasn't too chatty.

MI3 is pretty good. Somehow reminded me of Dan brown's plot.
Well we get to see the rubber face mask for undercover scenes, the only thing that I remembered from MI series. I noticed that Tom Cruise is getting old, and somehow the female main character looked like Katie Holmes (is that why they're kissing for so long?)

On the Japanese side, we watched Densha Otoko series at home. It's funny in a lame sense, the plot is way pushy but anime lovers should like it, they'd find so much of themselves in the guy. I'm still waiting to see if there's any real plot in the movie. Lol.

He he....

Things does not have to go my way, they just have to be right... and I
happen to be telling you the right way to do it...

LOL

9th May 2006

I found a new destination to go. Disneyland.
A perfect place where at least I think my good dreams should come true.
Though I haven't heard people around me buzz after going there but
still... a must see.
When can we go? How can we go?
Still searching, but never gives up.

I hope I can go there .. before I'm too old to enjoy it!

Excited!

I found a tutorial on how to print on fabric directly!
Found it here!
It's so cool and I can't wait to try.. what I need is only two things now:
1. The printer and the ink
2. The freezer paper, and what IS freezer paper in Indonesian?

Still I'm excited as hell.

No Perfect Job

There's no such thing called as a perfect job.

I realized this. Everyone may realize the same thing, but it is kept as a philosophy for disillusionment.

Yet We're always looking aren't we?

When I was down there, I long to be high up, managing the important, becoming important.
Now I'm halfway up, and I don't like what I see.

People have two choices to improve in their career I think,
1. To be the most expert in whatever that is, and you stay there, only better and better and the pay gets higher.
2. To be on the top. Starting to generalize all the tasks, focused on management, etc.. and the pay gets higher as well.

I have chosen no. 2. I don't think it's possible to be 1. But now the more I see it, I begin to feel that no 2 is not the answer for me, nor is 1. What should I do then?

I don't think I'd be happy in either choices, but the fact is we gotta work, right? So I'm scared that I won't feel happy ever until maybe when I get old .. There must be some other way to spend life?!

What Women Wants

A typical title for a typical story.

Women are happy with a happy partnership life, preferrably with a good
husband or spouse.
Women are happy with a happy career life, a career where it isn't
crucial for her to have but where she can explore and test her abilities
and not be bored with life.

How many women have this? I just want to write on people I think have
what they want.
As far as I can remember I have only 2 good friends that I think have
this, one is Lulu, a happy wife with a photo studio as a job, she
travels from Bandung to KL every now and then. From her husband to her
family and job. Wonderful, simply enviable.

The other one is a pretty friend from my junior high, she is beautiful,
she is happily single, and she has a career in linguistics and joins a
drama/theatre group. Maybe not as life-fulfilling as my previous friend
but she seemed pretty satisfied.

In the end I just want to question, how happy are you, are me ? :D I'm
always in awe when I read about their lives, but actually, mines aren't
that bad either.. hah ha.. well I hope the worse part of my life proves to be well worth it.

Old Stories

There's another thing that tonight am bothering me.

I heard and was kind of involved in a long (2 hour) session discussion on religion. Yeah, the old story of answerless endless questions. Well the one who initiated the discussion seemed really happy with whatever conclusion they had.

The story / discussion is about questions like, Should we question God's plans? WHy does God creates brain if He wants us to use our heart to believe? etcetera etcetera and then moving on to some 'rules' that some religions have on their community.

I find it hard to see myself going into a religion where I don't believe ALL of its values, I mean, we can't simply choose a religion and then filters out all the things that we want? Then everyone can have their own way, they can say that rules like going to church don't have to be followed since they don't agree with it.

I don't agree with myself going into a religion when I can't agree with the religion, except maybe if I have to for technical purposes such as marrying someone, or legal purposes. If I declare myself or goes into a church community where I strike out some values that doesn't come into my logic, what's the basic difference with if I don't enter a religion and adopt some values that this church has? The difference that I can figure out is more on the social community side, which doesn't necessarily have to do with God except by doing good deeds and to do good deeds you don't have to do it to your own specific comunnity. And if you feel that you join the community just for the sake of fun / socializing, then what's the point in entering a club where you can't feel at home with, or can't discuss stuff with, or who restricts you with rules?

I may be stupid about these religion stuff, she mentioned that the other two participants were intelligent and said nothing about me-not that I mind, but Thank God I can have my own belief?!

GO!Heroscape!

I finally played my 350 thou rupiah or was it 400 thou rupiah worth of game!!
Look at this, for those you pathetic fools who don't know what Heroscape is.


I finally played my 350 thou rupiah or was it 400 thou rupiah worth of game!!
Look at this, for those you pathetic fools who don't know what Heroscape is.



Turned out really fun! But lost stupid twice to my hunny, once by a mere 10 points and the second one by 1 inch!!! Oh well I'll get there eventually!
We're trying to create more characters and game scenarios of our own with some figurines like Disney and all sorts and I found out that I haven't really bought any figurine since a long long time. Not so much of the type of toy my family is fond of. I had hoped to find at least a few old figurines but ended up with an old clown figurine (not really that interesting) and farm animal toys from my sis's old toys.

But no worries, since the other side of the family (his) are figurines maniacs.. they have all sorts of characters and miniatures and whats-the-use stuff ready for use!

I'm looking forward for my next game anyone wants to join me? A diversion from my thesis (which I may add just recently been reviewed by my counselor and was requested to change 70% of my 2nd chapter *sniff*)

V for Vendetta

A wrong movie for the wrong country to play. Though I am sure and have
witnessed that many liked the idea!
I myself am not impressed by the idea, well I must remember that it IS
from a comic book.
Exploding the parliament building (by a supposedly protagonist) is
stupid whether it's in real life or in a movie.
How does the author / writer think to impress a reader of the idea of
blowing up the parliament building?

"Wow, what a great idea, blow up the symbol of the people. Kill
government officials, then... ? Leave the reader to think what's next."

I'm giving it a C.

Indigo Children

I am exploring the subject of indigo children, crystal children and the likes on the internet.
There are about 25 questions to identify if you are an adult Indigo, and I can answer yes to at least 15 of them I'm sure. Not really counting.

But we as society and as relatives or closed ones tend to abolish the thought or repulsed or even ridiculed the idea of anyone that feels connected with this Idea.
I for one, admit felt connected although I know I don't have psychic abilities or strange behaviours.

It's just a simple thought that when I read the stuff about Indigo children, that seems that their purpose of life is a good purpose and that I, who am not Indigo, could try to achieve too.

IF , and only IF, I AM an Indigo adult, I wonder if I could be more frustrated than I already am with this world.

And again!!

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance. In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is traditional. Without saying anything, both of you communicate with your hearts. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Quiz O Mania

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything. You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life. You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you. Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace. You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life. Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times. At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you. You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others. You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperment Are You?

I'm a donut

You Are a Caramel Crunch Donut

You're a complex creature, and you're guilty of complicating things for fun. You've been known to sit around pondering the meaning of life... Or at times, pondering the meaning of your doughnut. To frost or not to frost? To fill or not to fill? These are your eternal questions.

What Donut Are You?

Hiccups

Hiccups! Why ! How! When!

I spent yesterday in 5 sessions of hiccups, I'm not sure what I did wrong. And each time I got a hiccup I drank lots and lots of water, and after the fourth time I gave up drinking since I got so bloated.

To explore on my curiousity, I Googled up "Hiccups" and got these hillarious article(s)
This site explorese the whys with cures for hiccups, a very long list and absurd

May I quote
" Jump out of a plane."
" Urinate; concentrate on both peeing and breathing."

On a safer side:
Explains the whys of hiccups in an almost understandable method

Good luck with your hiccups!
I've seen a person hiccuped for hours! Thank goodness I didn't experience that. All I know is that if it's for hours there must be something wrong with you or the medicine that you take

Ox Tongue

We went to this restaurant in Menteng, called Miranda.
I went there a few times before when I was 'younger' with my fam. And I
remembered that they sell Ox Tongue steak, and that my dad and sis liked
it quite a lot.
So I brought my dear there in hope to introduce him to the Ox Tongue world.

Surprisingly though, the word Ox Tongue now had more impact on us than
when I was younger, probably the fault of a popular TV show called "Fear
Factor".
So every bite that he took, that I took, we kept thinking about the idea
of tongue eating. Very hillarious and he named it "Psychological war" .
Very haunting, I could even feel it now.

Otherwise the Tongue was quite acceptable, though a stronger sauce could
help get rid of the "tongue aura".

Maybe if we could find another restaurant with a better concoction for
the Tongue that kept our mind above it.

Embarassing Spouses?

A friend typed to me, that he's going to a wedding being the bestman,
and went insanely annoyed with the bride and groom before the wedding.
And even the bride seemed to be annoyed at the groom, and vice versa. So
spouses-to-be went fighting in public and all. Well perhaps one party is
embarassed about the other one and tries to stop and there goes a
fight.. How many people in the world are able to say to their spouses
something like, "Honey I love you but don't do that, it's annoying"
without getting a fight going on afterwards.

Especially if it's in front of other people, and you saw a friend or
even your spouse embarassing themselves, or making other people
uncomfortable, and you just itch to tell them to stop but they can't
take a hint!

Well I pity my friend but glad he's through with it.

For the rest of the world, good luck with your friends and spouse.

Living with the universe

I'm famous for drawing inane stuff. This is one.
I'm naming it, Living with the Universe.

We all live in seperate worlds, trying to reach our own stars (version of happiness). And when we do connect and interact to each other, we reach through this small hole in the wall or window if u want to name it that way.

We do not give ourselves up completely, nor blend in with the other person. We just reach a small tentacle or hand.. and connect. This is why all of us sees a completely different universe than the other.

This is why, we're all so lonely in some way...
And in fact, is there a point in completely blending ourselves with another person? If we do, then for the rest of our lives do we see the sun, the moon, or both ? Are we happier with just a hand connection, or do we all really want to be one.

Life In A Bottle

Sometimes it's funny
Take a moment to think, really think

What did we really want to be?
Who do we look up to?
How did I ended up here?

Am I really where I would like to be?

A lot of the times maybe the answer is no. Life just keeps on putting obstacles, bends on the road and with a certain probability of probability, made us go one fork instead of the other.
And with so much happening and spinning, suddenly you found yourself in a strange remote desert where you just wish you were home.

Does it matter now? Now that we're in this new place, do we look to somehow find a place for ourselves in it? Or do we still seek to go back to the place we first wanted to be?

Which path? Tell me, which?

Status..

If life is so dissapointing, tell me why do we live? It's the little things, that keeps us going.. just a little bit longer..

I have a colleague.. who says.. that it isn't anger that's in me.. it's 'unreleased dissapointment'. To me .. unreleased dissapointment means anger. It surprises me knowing what she thinks of me..

She said, that I'm a closed person.. who doesn't tell people my private things.. (and I thought I have been complaining too much to everyone), and she sees my dissapointment from the way I talk, my sarcasm, my moods.

Well I've been seeing myself as someone pragmatic, highly negatively realistic, and somehow the things around me have turned me a disillusioned personality. Well maybe that's coz I don't want to be dissapointed more than I already am.. with everything. Maybe that's some sort of protection mechanism.

And this is the way I am right now. It's pretty useless to tell me I should change into this and that.. I'll change eventually, if it's meant to be. In the meantime, I'm trying to let me be me...

The Building Blocks

Hmm... *Doodle from neck upwards is mine, and to the bottom is Ant's.* So what is this girl thinking?

The idea was the building blocks are my office, my poor brain, and my hopes, and it's tumbling down faster than London bridge is.

These few days has been tense, full of conflicts inner and outer, in office and out office. So I'm currently emotionally hollow and has no idea what to say about the problem.

I don't even want to hope for a good solution for everyone, just a simple way out for me...

Yes I'm selfish

The Turtle and The Hippo

Got this image from one of those forwarded email.


Love is universal

Love communicates eventhough you don't even know what species the other one is

and Love..just is.

If you're hundreds of years old, like this turtle, I guess one is either living in a great denial or just so wise that you don't care anymore..

Please let me get to be a good turtle, or at least the hippo..