Kewl

Kewl~!!!
New domain. Though a bit unnecessary since nobody read my blog anyway.
I'm thinking of stuff to create for my website.
If you got some ideas let me know :)

Not sure if I have time to make them though, between the clay, the job, and the household haha

The urge to create

I know I have been slack :P I've practically left the story and have not been able to get myself back to it.
I will though. It's just a matter of time before the heart urges me again.

On the other hand, I'm also trying new things. I've been forever admiring the sellers at etsy, I'm sure you know what that is. A creative bunch, even though mostly overpriced. I am just about dying to make something that looks professional enough for it to be commercial. A secret dream of someday having my own shop that may not be as busy as Woolworths, but a special gem.

However, those creative makers always have a distinct style, something I haven't found yet, and am continuously trying to.

Wish me luck :)

It's time to talk about the toilet business again. There was some process involved in relieving yourself. The prison had a big toilet inside the building, one where there are no stalls or partitions, just toilet bowls sitting in array. The ladies toilet was in another wing, and was reserved for the soldiers. That leaves this toilet being unisex.

The process involved was approaching one of the guards and telling him you need to go. If he says it's okay, and okay would depend on how many people have already gone inside the building you will walk toward the building entrance, where there's another guard in front of the door. You will also need to tell him about your purpose and he will let you in. The toilet wasn't so far from the door, so an escort was not necessary, besides there is nothing inside where you can do anything anyway.

Needless to say, being a unisex toilet and one that doesn't have any compartments means some adjustments was needed. Intuitively, the men would go together, and they will refrain from going to the toilet if a woman was known to be inside. Apart from a few harmless incidents, this arrangement worked well.

You've lost sense on dates. You've stopped counting days for awhile now. Everyday was just another waking up to the same hot unforgiving sun, and every night was just another night to go through. There was nothing very meaningful anymore.

Food came, sparsely. It seemed that food was being brought to the city from somewhere else. There was no sign of kitchen anywhere. The ration was meager, the quality nauseating. At first you didn't want to touch it, but then common sense got the better of you. You were hungry, there was nothing else but that daily porridge-like stuff that didn't have any meat or anything in it. It was just enough to keep you alive till the next day. Sometimes they didn't give anything except water, you suspected that they haven't successfully manage the delivery time yet.

Most of the prisoners have gotten one or more sickness, diarrhea, vomiting, dehydration, the kind you would expect under similar circumstances anywhere. Within just around a week you think, everyone was visibly weakened and thinner.

You walked straight towards the girl. Your father called out to warn you, the guard tensed and eyed your steps. You glared back at them, daring them to approach.
'Marie', you said when you neared her.
She looked up, eyes as deep as the bottom of the sea answered you with questions in her eyes. You faltered, forgetting what you wanted to say. You were caught up in rage, and you forgot them when she looked back at you.
'Marie', you murmured again. The people around her begun to edge away, giving space, privacy that was impossible. There was urgency in your tone.
'Yes', she answered softly.
'Are you okay?', what a stupid question you've uttered, you wanted to kick yourself.
'As fine as I can be at this moment', she replied.
'Are you hurt anywhere?'
'Well, just scrapes here and there. You don't look perfect yourself.'
You looked down at your shoes, your dirty clothes, your dirty hands, and quickly run through your hair with your fingers to rectify your situation.
You sat down beside her, and thought you'd better make light of the situation.
'It's hot isn't it.'
She just nodded. Well, duh.

Not to say that they were aliens. No. They were just different. They have two eyes, a nose, a mouth, two ears. Everything you would have expected. But they were different in a way, that you know what this was all about. It was about the lowest kind of reason among other theories you have been thinking of. Yet, it was still the most often occurring reason. The fact that you are different itself was the cause, and the assumption that you were same with the rest of the 75 people.

How mundane are people? How susceptible? How banal? How same. You were disappointed with a different reason than the rest of the 75 people. Smiles were beginning to disappear from faces, chatters die as they adjusted their eyes and looked towards the saviors. How brief can joy be.

They lowered their stairs, and down came a few men with their weapons. Guns, big ones, not like the rifles you've seen. These guys meant business. They spoke to you with anger, as if your father had killed theirs. Go up, they said. Fast. Then they prod you and pointed at you, and off you go supporting grandma with your arms.

Up you went, to breathe the sunlight. You looked around, shocked even though you were prepared. You can imagine it in your head, a broken city, but when you see it and it's in front of your eyes it's a whole different story. There was nothing left, except ashes, dust, piles of blackened concrete. Not a speck of green. You see gray ashes in front and all around, you saw nothing of the tall office buildings and apartments. You staggered forward, dragging your grandmother. The ones who got out before you stood agape looking at the view.

To put it simply, if you cram enough people in a room without ventilation and enough food, you will take out a good glob of disease. It was hot and damp, a nasty mix of air. Coughs were the most common, because the air was putrid and nasty, because we didn't drink enough. Next is stomach problems. Your grandma got this one, possibly because she was old, and couldn't get enough sleep with these strange surroundings. Luckily, your parents still have some pills they took from the house, but your grandma was weak anyhow.

Your grandma calls you to her, and you crouched over and found her hand in yours. You rubbed her palms soothingly, and whispered stupid jokes you know she liked. She was weak and strong at the same time. You found your eyes sting after awhile, when you stroke her to sleep and her breath steadied down.

In the dark, you can hear the asynchronous symphony of breathing and snoring. You try to discern which belong to who for amusement. You know you have begun to distinguish people from their voices, it only took a few days for that. Especially for the elders, and the little children. There was little Tanya, whose voice was shrilly and sweet, she was the daughter of Fried two blocks down the road. Mrs. Fried herself was a grumpy homemaker, she ravage about everything and just couldn't stop getting mad at her husband. You wondered how her daughter would turn up, just like her mother? There was also the Greens, who are quiet most of the time. But when Mr. Green spoke he had a heavy bass voice, vibrating, and attractive. Mrs. Green was also quiet, but you heard her sob sometimes when the loudest 'rain' flew by. The list goes on for about 20 more people. You surely couldn't manage to hear the rest of the people in the room.

You believe that when a lot of people think one thought or let's say wish, it will materialize. You read that somewhere. So you started wishing and thinking. 'This will stop, and we will get out of this hole'. Continue, multiply by 76 people who would want the same thing and your wish shall come true. The catch is, wishes come true in ways that you can't imagine. You can factor in this and that, but not everything. Why? Because you are simply not god.

First, it was silent. No more rain, no more hot oven air. Hopes were rising, you can hear mothers chatter to one another. They always chatter when they're excited. You waited, patiently. After a few hours, perhaps a day even - because you've lost track of time - you heard noises. Like machines, like drills.

The noise got louder after a few hours, the men were tense. It wasn't the procedure, once it was safe, there's supposed to be a signal, and there's a latch you can pull that opens up the stairs. Were we trapped? Perhaps a big concrete fell on the opening that we wouldn't be able to open the door anyway. Your father got up slowly, trying not to trip walking between the people, he reached up to the ceiling to feel the vibrations.

'Drills?', he muttered your thoughts aloud.
'By the time they reached us we'd already be dead at that rate,' snuffed your brother.
'Shut up,' you said.

An hour later, the noise was unbearable. It seemed to resonate through the whole room, like being stuck inside a tractor machine. Drrrrrr. Drrrrrr. It went on and on, and you thought the rain was bad enough. Then there was banging, clanking, all sorts of noise for another half an hour.

Then silence for a few minutes, a creak on the door in the ceiling, and light. Too much light. You supposed it was high noon up there. There was too much altogether that everyone shouted and covered their eyes. After a minute, you looked up to see the faces that granted your wish.

The wrong kind of faces.

They didn't forget to build a toilet, at least. There were 76 people in the room, you've counted, and there was 1 toilet. There is always someone inside; the results were of course an undeniable stench coming out from that door. You thought 76 civilized decent people would be able to keep the toilet clean. The reality was, however educated you are you still shit and piss like any other person, and your smell isn't any better.

Mother tried to hold on her bladder as long as she can, everytime. She felt like retching whenever she's in there. You watch her as she held her shirt to her nose, and pulled out extra courage just to get in the toilet. She was born in a lucky era, and now she's unlucky. Grandma, on the other hand, was untouched by the filth. You wonder if she has lost her sense of smell. No, she's just seen worse days.

Finally, it was your dad; the ever loving figure. He got up, and cleaned the whole lot. Right before Mother had to go. People looked at him as though he is crazy, would you rather him be otherwise? You felt bad because it wasn't you who did it, you felt good he got up first so it doesn't have to be you.

Food was scarce now. You guessed they forgot that humans need food to live on. But you knew better, they just didn't expect it to last for so long. They did prepare some, but not enough for 76 people times five days. They thought it would soon end, but no, the rain kept coming. There was nothing else to destroy was there? There was no retaliation, no fighting back, why do they keep on wasting effort? They must really hate you.

Right after all the food were gone, the children start crying. Even Leaking Drain couldn't quiet them. Grandma was hungry, but she didn't say anything. Father, he opened his bag and found the bread mother had packed, he split it into 10 pieces. He kept four pieces; tucked it back, and gave the rest to the children. None of us stopped him, we were silent. It worked, the children were happy and forgot they were just crying a second ago.

Your brother created a new song, it's called Goddamn Fire. Funny enough, it was a cheerful tone. The children learned to sing it, and even their mothers did not stop them from repeatedly saying 'goddamn'. You laughed at your brother and the children. Yet you think he was stupid, singing instead of thinking of a plan for tomorrow, when we all resurface.

So what did you do? While your brother made a song, sang? While your father shared his food, while your grandmother stroke your mother's hand? Nothing. You thought about anger, would you be able to get revenge for your burnt down house? How? No, you won't be able to execute that, you're not even athletic. You thought about the subject you had about politics, you thought about making a change to the world once you are important enough and got a good solid job. You thought about covering your house with the world's strongest material so that it can never be destroyed. Where did your thoughts get you to? Nowhere.

But you don't know that. Because you were busy and lost in it.

You got out to the pavement with your bag, people were already out before you, and still more are coming. Everyone, without a smile, everyone walking briskly, some half running. You braced yourself against the cold wind and walked to the same direction. Like a parade of fishes in the sea meeting the same fate.

Your family beside you, you keep walking till you reach the safe room. Safe they said, from a hit if it happened. They didn't tell you it wouldn't keep you safe from sorrow. The room was packed, there was barely a spot to sit down. It smelled and there was lack of air. You found a corner with your family, and tried to get yourself comfortably sitting. Waiting.

The first one didn't come immediately, it didn't even come that day. You thought you should have taken your time and took more of your stuff with you. As if there was any room for more stuff in that shallow bunker.

When it came, it sounded like rain, because there was so many of them. At first you only heard the sounds and feel a little tremor going up your spine. Later on, it was so near and so strong you felt you went deaf. You thought it was never going to end.

They were right, you were left alive in that room. They made sure you were alive to experience the rest of your life. It went on and on for two whole days before the next worse thing. By now your ears have gotten used to it. You have learned how to drink while the room shook. Then one of them fell right above you you know by now that there was no roof above this roof, that is why this time it felt so real, so near.

The lamp died. The light was substituted with children screaming, mother hushing. In the dark- not just dark, it was pitch black-you found little to believe in. You heard prayers being said across the room, but you found little comfort with it. In the black, you noticed you couldn't tell a difference between the old and the young, the woman and the man. In the eyes of black, everyone and everything was equal.

It was your brother that broke the sobbing, he created silence. In the black, there was only one thing to do. Listen to music. He played his recently composed song on the small damn ukulele. It wasn't very good. He made mistakes here and there. But people listened, there was nothing else to hold on to. He was the lighthouse.

The song was called, "The Leaking Drain". You had laughed at it, who ever thinks a leaking drain sings. But now, you're not sure it's silly anymore.

When he finished, silence went over the room, and we slept replaying The Leaking Drain over again in our head.

Future - Part 1

One day you wake up, not knowing that someone has decided to change your life.
Not someone you personally know, someone up there, someone who doesn't know your grandmother sleeping in the next room, your parents who worked on their store everyday, your brother whom you always fought with.

One day you wake up, hearing the alarm. Not just any alarm, but The Alarm. The one that wails sorrowfully, the one people forgot on their dinner table. The Alarm, the one the authorities have warned you might some day be put to use. It's the one that they say to leave your belongings behind

You get off from bed, feeling still drowsy, not sure what it means. Your parents are smarter, they are busy packing. Your brother started going to the cupboard, finding some food because he is hungry and he doesn't care. You tried to remember what they told you in high school.

Your parents shouted you to wake up, start moving, start packing your essentials. Who knows when you will be back? Who knows if there is anything to go back to? The first thing you took was your high school diploma. You thought it was your chance back to the future. It is the ticket that is going to save you later on. That's what you think, that's only if the definition of future is still the same.

Your parents took their valuables, to save them from burglars, to rebuild their life when needed. That's what they think, that's only if life is what waits for you. Your brother now started to catch what is happening, he put some bread in his rucksack. Because he is hungry, because he doesn't care for anything else. He tuck some old shirt too, and his most precious ukulele.

You found out later on that among your family, your brother the insolent harsh brute is the smartest one. You searched open my secret cupboard, looking for a letter you had planned to give to your crush. You put it in a bag, wondering if you'd meet her on the way out. You decided you need something to eat too, so you pushed a bread in my mouth, and continued packing your clothes.

You r grandmother, bless her, she was slow. Your mother helped her up. She was too slow though, she wanted to stay behind. She was confident and fearless and old. Finally, mother packed her some water, some congee leftover, and a set of clothes. Grandmother watched us pack, mumbling that you should not forget to bring some meds. Yes, grandmother was wise too.

Cinderella's Sister

I am watching the Kdrama titled Cinderella's Sister.
It's how the sister came to be who she is, and how Cinderella came to be her. I mean psychologically.
Both had character flaws, and both had good points. The writer was quite good in portraying the twists that makes you wonder which one is actually the better person.
There isn't a better person.

One is respected because she is hardworking and does not kiss ***. She earns the respect, even if she is constantly mean towards other. The other tries so hard to match the bitterness, while deep inside she is still hungry for a sister's love. She appears shallow, useless, crybaby, but undeniably, she has a charm and honest care towards others that you can't deny.

But of course, it's just a drama. And not very realistic one at that either I must admit.

However I should say, there is no better person between you or me, and even if you hate me so. Even if I deserve it, and even if I retaliate becoming the most bitter person you would ever know someday. There's some part of me that will still wish things were different.

Super powers

I have a confession.
Like perhaps some other people whom I would laugh and shouted 'Loser' at,
I have always dreamt... of... having super powers. Here's your cue to laugh.

At certain moments in my life, I would sit down, and with my eyes open *those movies that require eyes to close for imagination, surely failed at imagining how a person would imagine* I would see myself as a super powress.

What powers, you may ask.
Anything. Anything that separates me from me, like the foolish desire to be cool or unique. It's not about unique at all, it's about knowing undeniably, that I was born to do one thing.

How does that work you may ask? Well, if I have super powers on flying, that would mean I was born to fly, because it's a responsibility for having something no one else has. If I was born a talented painter *and for me, these sorts of talents are super powers too*, I wouldn't be able to run away from painting. It's not about being different. It's about knowing who you are.

I envy those people, I envied Mozart, I envied Beethoven, I envied Da Vinci, I envied Anna Pavlova and many, many more.

I had often imagined, that I suddenly wake up one morning, and as if possessed be able to do something that I wouldn't normally be able to, like playing a very hard piece in a piano, like doing somersaults, like drawing something precisely as I had envision it, like making the world a beautiful place to be in.

Some people argue, that working hard for something, will make all the more satisfaction when you are able to do it. I have respect for people who work hard on something, no question. Some people can reach the sky by working hard, mostly though, like me, will only get so far. Neither here nor there.

That day when I will awaken has yet to come, and I know it won't, yet once in awhile, I sit down and imagine it has.

to you.

No one knows why
No one can tell you why
No one should say why
and I will not

I would have nothing to offer
but a silent moment or a tear to two
but know
that my thought flies to you

I WILL remember you.

One day in my dreams..
You will stand beside me proud, with eyes full of light. Beside me, facing all the others, and proud to be where you stand..
And I will be proud to be where I am, for I will no longer be the shame that you cover, a sin under cover, but the woman I should be. Claimed, no.. shouted.. as your one.

One day, some day.. when I deserve it.
One day perhaps in another life..

Hold on to what is good,
Even if it's a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe,
Even if it's a tree that stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do,
Even if it's a long way from here.
Hold on to your life,
Even if it's easier to let go.
Hold on to my hand,
Even if someday I'll be gone away from you.

A Pueblo Indian Prayer

Can you love someone so much you'd lie?

According to Jodi Picoult you can.

Handle with Care.

It was sort of typical Jodi Picoult story, admirably she always managed to put analogies and metaphors in completely different topic, this time she used cooking. Rather, desert cooking.

The recipes inside though looked too hard for me to try, but it's worth to keep for future references :P. Note to self: One day when I'm good enough I will try at least one of the recipes there.

In the book, the mother loved the child so much, that she'd will to stand up in court and say she wished the child has never been born. All, basically for money, but she said it wasn't for money.. what confusing story.
Even after finishing the story, even after the ending, I still wonder why she'd do that, and about the jury's final verdict. I still don't agree, because I think they'd be fine without the court case anyway.
It was too weak of a reason I had thought, "to secure her future" , "to give her a better future"

But what is the definition of a better future? Is it one where you can comfortably live.. or one where you look back and never a moment doubt that you had been loved?

Well the child did understand the mom in the end *spoiler alert.. too late.. HAHA*

And now, though it is not a good analogy, I am trying to learn.. how to love someone so much I'd lie for their future. Yet at the same time, silently wishing one day they'd understand.. Rather like Itachi, huh? :))

not as much perhaps, but enough to feel a longing
not a sun eclipse, but like a galaxy that realized it has grown to have so much more room.

dis.crep.an.cy
- noun
~the difference between the number of times you heard it and the number of times I've thought of it

I've changed history

I want to save people. But it's too much of a dream.
Tell me how when I can only silently let go of the rain that comes everytime I can't save you.

the dream

so as not to forget my dream, because i don't want to forget
I dreamt of a sheep
No
i dream of my best friend forever, or so boys say

Last day at the office
got a bundle of torn pages from a novel from my bff.. i suspect it's "Twilight"

The office turned out cool sleek and white, like an imac. with cool LCD monitors.









and then there was a party
and me wearing my photo shoot wedding dress
and i was singing with him
.. is it a graduation party?
I suppose it could be
and i was cool and calm
because i know.. i have my bff beside me
:)

Thank you

Then there were fireworks
and we looked up
and the song plays




















a whole new world
only in dreams

i wish i could make you jealous like you always made me

There are some things that can be felt
Some things that exist
even if one doesn't say it
even if one doesn't do it

There are some things I hope to reach you, felt and known.
The times when I can't say it, the times when I kept still.

Know it. Feel it.

If you tell yourself something doesn't matter... it won't, right?
If you tell yourself it won't matter.. this one tear would not mean anything, right?
If I tell myself it'll be okay.. I'm ok.. arent I?

Can you refuse a dream
so true that it's false
so brief it cannot be forgotten
so beautiful it must be unreal

Would you refuse a dream
when reality shatters it
when your heart bleeds
when it's just a dream

a beautiful one nevertheless..

Love comes

Love comes
Creeping in the daylight
Unawake and unrecognized
She robbed me off my feet

Love comes
Gently in the afternoon
slightly too late
for the sun has set and dies

Love comes
Chilling in the night
When all is silent
and the rain begun..

For Love has come with unforgiving Pain by its side..

Not Ever

Not in the same department
Not in the same company
Not in the same city
Not in the same life
Not here
Not there
Not me
Ever

speechless

Feelings left too much
Silence is the only choice
I'll speak in my dreams

stranger things

Waiting for the taxi driver to come, and read a book just newly written by a distant cousin of mine. To translate literally, the title is "When Women believe". It's a religious book on her life story and her family.

Just read a few pages when i caught a paragraph / thought that interests me, she said, when you look for a spouse (in this case, a husband) do not look for wealth, look, or even good. Look for a man who fear God, because that is the only man that will be worth of you (or us). This statement is continued by a quote from a priest Good - God = 0. Of which if we play around with the equation would mean: Good = God.

Deriving from that equation, now why would a man who is good, not worth enough, if he does not fear God?

Nevertheless, reading about fear of God always invokes a certain feeling.
perhaps somewhere in my soul it is a calling, even above all the logical, illogical explanations, contradictions, and accusations. I wonder if I will ever 'leave' this belief. :)

Even though I agree with most of the argument against the greater design, etc, and most common definitions, i find that this inexplainable feeling is persistently there. And if one can be happy living with it, against logic, why shouldn't one?

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday to twooooooooo lovely guys
One whom i rarely spoke to nowadays since he's so busy.
And another one whom is always teasing me on everything

Hope the best in life for you both.

Thanks for being great friends
Hugsssssssssssss

Actually i didn't make this picture.. someone else did
:D

May the cosmos be with you

.

tired body, mind, soul, and whatever left of me.

not thinking positive

giving up on life's hopeful hopes

liike, whatever, you know?

Plastic Flower

What do you do when you find a beautiful flower..
say a rose..
it's pink, it has fragrance and all
then you find out it's made out of plastic
and the fragrance is sprayed from a can.
Do you, enjoy it while it still has the fragrance?
Do you, put it away and lose interest
Do you, put it in a water and pretend it's a real flower, or that someday it will turn real?

Killed

there are 2 ways in which we can kill someone, 1. Kill him for real, 2. format his harddisk.
 

Office haiku

paper, pen and phone
the restless mind unfolding
it's time to search life

night haiku

the tears overflow
the window closes softly
dark rises within

Why People Need Windows

I'm sure most of you have already known about this, and yet it just
bothers my mind when we take a look at this from another level and put
it in another context

In the cave eras, people don't have windows. They make a large hole
opening on their caves or huts that serves as a door and functioned as a
window as well.
Then eventually one really smart guy, or a girl in fact, closed the
opening to prevent dangerous animals to enter. And thus, doors came to be.

But why need a window? What importance does it make. Why a room with
window is preferred compared to those with only door(s)? Now we look at
what happens outside the house or the room or whatever. There's the sun,
there's the greenery, roads, your fence, maybe a little bit of the sky.
Do we like what we see outside?
If we do, and for most people there is a certain objective in knowing
the outside or having in contact with the outside, is the reason why we
have windows.
So when we do have a chance to be close to whatever good there is out
there, we want to, and yet we are scared of the negative things they
bring. The dust, the heat, the smell (if there's any), the sound.

If we again go back to comparison with the cave age, most people spend
their lives outside, with the forests, with nature etc. A hundred
century later, people stay inside the house, the building, the room, and
by choice (actually) decided not to have contact with the 'outside' as
much. Yet if you recall the question before, most of us do like to know,
interact, feel the outside world out of our room or cubicle.

People decide that they want to control how they interact with
something that they love / like. They want to touch, only when they want
to, how they want it. They want to feel, interact, hear, see, only when
they decide to. That's why, the answers are windows. They open the
window and get whatever they can out of the limited space and time and
close it once they feel it's enough or they start to feel the
consequences. They ignore negative aspects once they close the window.
It's still there, the dust, the pollution, the extreme heat, yet they
don't have to think about it. Since now they have a closed wall, a door,
and a window. Being smart and selfish at the same time works.

You decided you like something, you try to blend with it, you discover
something you don't like about it and it disturbs or hurt you in some
way, so you close everything , put little holes just in case you need
to go back and get the best sides of it and put layers and layers of
protection around yourself. And yet we would still say.. we love that
something.

Scenario

There was a man who wanted to open his own restaurant someday.
But he was not a good cook, nor was he a good manager. What he can do, is paint.
He pictured in his mind a nice restaurant with paintings of people that he met or was around him.
So he thought that he'd make the paintings to be displayed in the restaurant as he visualized in his mind. He painted his family, he painted his friends, he painted his neighbours.

After 30 years he has paintings piled in his room, and he has now enough money to build his restaurant. but then, his paintings were too many to be displayed. They wouldn't fit, he thought. He'd have to select a few that were the best and leave the rest.

He never get to open his restaurant , and he continued painting his friends because he couldn't bear to leave anyone out.

What do you think of this story and this guy?

Gali Lubang Tutup Lubang

Dibuka lagi
diintip lagi
lubang-lubang dulu
dan dicibir
dan ditangisi

Minta maaf lagi
Terima kasih lagi
lubang-lubang dulu
gundukan-gundukan dulu

Ditutup lagi
Maafkan aku lagi
Aku masih ingat
lubang-lubang itu

Taitung

And this is a photo of a large nice tree, and a lonely chair beneath it. On the seaside park in Tai Tung.

A quite cloudy day, and complete with a melancholic mood.

I thought it would be nice to sit under the tree if the chair wasn't so old. Wouldn't be nice if I fell down huh!

Off to the Republic of China

Taking off tomorrow and coming back a week later. I hope Taiwan is
going to be a nice experience.
I'm still not sure where to go to after all the planning because it
seemed there aren't many interesting place
or really nice place even for sighseeing.
But keep it hopeful and expecting some good food.

:D
Hope that my Simpati GPRS roams so I can send some emails along the way.

dComberan

Duduk di kursi bolong. Tatap lamat namar pintu. Berharap tak ada yang dengar helaan. Dan menghirup aroma anyir. Lega skaligus siksa. Genangan air di ujung kaki Saat terlihat pun terbersit. Apakah itu air mata? Dan bukan bocoran pipa? Lantai dan dinding dingin. Pandangi air yang sulit kering. Tak ada lembah tuk dialiri kembali ke laut. Tak ada selokan yang memaafkan. Air comberan tergenang layaknya hati yang tak tenang.

Shangrila

A simple place and a state. Where no pretense need enter. No love is forsaken. No shame on being human. Where being near does nt mean hurting. Being different is a gift and not a rift. Humanity as the language. And a teaspoon of shyness just to make it real. A home and not.. Just a hotel.

clouds

On certain days, like that one, like when you tell me about life, what you need to do in it etcetera. It is not for one to stop another. It is for one to wish well and good luck. It is though for me as well a knowledge of a lonesome journey that you will undertake, rewarding as it is.

That, on which no voices I sing shall be heard
Then, on which no dreams I make shall you see
There, on which no poems I make shall ever reach..

Sahabat

Aku yang tak pernah mewujud mimpi
Kau yang tak pernah mengukir angan
Ketika kau duduk di sampingku
Kubangun mimpi itu di atas senyummu
dan kau lukis angan itu di atas jemariku

Sebab
Mimpiku dan anganmu
tlah bertemu nyawanya
Dalam diri kita
dalam bersama..

25, and still a freak

Morning, tea no coffee
Grinning ear to ear
Left kiss right kiss
all the dears

Have loved
and be loved
You were right
There was nothing to cry on

Simply grateful
The past and future
It's time to look ahead
with hopefully no fear
and with surely no regrets

Still doing silly dances
Still laughing too loud
Arms too long
and limbs too thin
I'm still a freak
the grateful freak

Quoted

"Ellen Burstyn: Its alright i can become myself and strong and a woman and be loved at the same time. "

Its a wonderful quote that i have yet to really believe and say without sounding sad and fake. And people may ask why and it is the fact that my different selves are not liking each other wholly. The part that does feel the sky has no place for a girl who defies the earth to be complete.

Not Doing The Right Things Right

Gwen Stefani - 4 AM ?
Baby what are we doing all these times?
Where am I going ?
What am I doing to people?
Am I holding to the right reasons
Am I smiling at the right time?

There is nothing right in the mind
and nothing wrong in the heart
There is everything lost in space
And something that's holding us all

Back

I went to Bali and Surabaya last 4 days, spent 2 days on each place.
Bali was beautiful in its way, and I felt a calm kind of loneliness as I walked the beach.

Sby was loud, and somehow reminds me that whenever I come there, however happy that I was I would seclude myself in the bedroom sooner or later. Perhaps because I miss home, or I need to think for myself.

There are no new conclusions through the contemplations of the week. There are no dramatic enlightments.

I am however delighted with the marriage of my cousin and distant cousins. I hope they have a fruitful, joyful life together with their spouses. I enjoyed the two weddings :)

I smile today as I am back and hopefully life doesn't get harder too soon..

Giving Us a Chance

If I may have another life
I'd do it looking for you
If I have to relive another nightmare
Why not if I could've met you

If I could be reborn
There's no reason I would refuse
For the wind and the reason
would still blow me to you

If I were to be reincarnated
why would I meditate
for it is another chance
for us in fate

If we were to die
I'd make sure we'd live
and meet just a little bit earlier
for love to live

A tiring journey...

It's a journey to the end of the world, or the beginning of the new
heaven. It's a journey to find a true light.. and when I get there, if I
ever get there. Will I look upon you beside me who walked all the way
through it, or will you be somewhere within the light, too bright to see?

I'm just tired, for being on the wrong side of the road, for sitting
across the room and on the wrong side of the table.
And if I never get to the right side, I need someone who smiled and
never gave up hope.. instead of someone who said "Whatever, I'll see
you when you arrive.." Don't we all need the same thing?

Dreams..

私は孤独の夢を見た

A Sober Cocktail

He thinks he's good
But he's not
He's just an old boot
A fantasy too tight

She thinks she's good
But she's just okay
She's just another foot
on the wooden tray

Dancing away
Yes just dancing away
Well they're having fun
A bit too much of sun

Isn't it wonderful
how love stays

The illusion was great
A martini on the ego
But they're really just
Shaking a third mambo

Dancing away
Just dance away

Swing set..

I dreamt of my two good friends... whom I rarely met because they don't live here.
I met up with them.. had a chat.. and they were both *suddenly?* married
in the dream.. and they told me that they have a child
And then somehow I was on a swing set.. and swinging away.. and a friend
pushes the swing as it comes by him.
and he pushed again.. .and then harder
Then he pushed the swing away too hard.. and I flew... and I shut my
eyes and curled
Waiting for the fall .. and the darkness after.

..

I'm running look at me
I'm smiling look at me
I'll never get tired
coz I just can't simply die

When I made the headlines
were you ever proud
When I was hit by that plane
did you ever cried

I'm tracing your steps
With a dozen roses and words
When you smiled at him
I looked at you

Thank You
Was just never enough
I thought you'd fall for a hero
If you were like everyone else

But you didn't
and you said you can't
but I've saved you a thousand times
and I would again
even if you don't
and even if you can't

So I guess it's not true
A hero doesn't make love comes true
and I'm just a hero
who loves you

Sunyi..

An old collection of my poem..

Dalam silau sinar pelangi kaleidoskop
aku kehilangan sosokmu
yang kuputar tanpa henti
tapi kau tetap tak ada

Dalam lingkaran kucari titikmu
titik itu masih ada
masih beredegup biar meredup
dan aku masih terus mencari

daun musim semi tak hentinya berjatuhan
aku baru sadar
musim gugur saat ini
saat aku menatap baju usangmu

dalam cerita sungai rindu
aku menanti tetesan suaramu
untuk kusimpan
agar aku tidak akan lupa

aku ingin waktu
agar aku lebih berbaring
mengingat hangat telapak tanganmu
yang kini tak berbekas lagi..

.

Stupidity isn't cured by working, or studying... It is cured, simply by
forgiveness.

I used to love you like rain

I used to love you like rain
I used to love you just for nothing
It's hard but I remembered
that I loved you for free

I used to bathe in your deaths
I killed you so many times
I don't know
What I became

But it's true that I remember
I used to love you forever
When the time comes you'll see
I loved you for free

What's left in the desert
No one knows
But it's not love
It might be me

I used to love you like rain
I used to love you just for nothing
It's hard but I remembered
that I loved you for free

It's hard to be happy
I don't understand why
When I open the door
I love you even more

Pursuit of Happyness

So I watched the Will Smith movie, actually half expecting to cry.
Can't say it's the best movie ever made, it's good because it's a true
story and that gives us some hint on how not to whine so much.

The movie goes around Will Smith who's a father of a 3 year old boy. He
and his wife lived in an acceptable rented house and sells bone density
scanner for a living.
He made some bad choices buying the scanners with his own money thinking
that he will be rich so soon. But life has other plans.
He couldn't sell for a few months, his wife has to work his part and
their kid ended up in a strange playgroup house.
One bad choice and luck after another, his wife left him and went to get
a new life in New York. He ended up running here and there for cash, and
even a place to stay.

It's a story about struggling, and can be frustrating to watch on a
Sunday night.
I didn't really cry but the most touching part of it was when he just
got out of the office at the end of the movie and all the crowd walking
around him.

In short it's like, you've got a wife, you've got kids to feed, you have
no job, you're homeless, you would love to have a respectable job to pay
for the family, but sometimes you gotta steal the chicken. Most people
understand and will forgive it, but not unless you're the guy who owns
the chicken. I can't help thinking what happened to a taxi driver he ran
out on, maybe those few dollars were just what he needed to pay for his
son's hospital bills, or maybe it's his dinner. Nobody knows.

Dear God

It's very simple
It's just a dot away
You're so predictable
You're just a dot away

It's life's rules
It's destiny's taunt
You don't have to choose
You'll live forever
I won't

I'm getting itchy
You're nagging me
If it's that simple
why don't you give it to me?

So I'll make my own dots
That has nothing to do with you
just wait and see
I'm going to be me

But still..
however I look at it..
you're just a dot away
and smiling so deviously
I'd forget you were God

Bitter Sweet experience..

So most of you probably knew that I went to Malaysia the other day.
It was a bitter sweet because it's a combination between the best trip
and the worst trip ever. Visit-wise it was awful, the hotel, the taxi
drivers, the flight attendants, almost everyone.
I can only say.... that don't .. ever.. ever stay at Federal Hotel in
KL. As I won't, ever again.
On the other hand I get to meet a lot of special people, who I will
always remember and miss. I totally love them :) I hope I get a chance
to come back soon and have more fun.
I only have a few pics of me there, and it didn't really show the place
hahaahaha but I don't mind at all. Go and take a peek of us :P

Anyway.. missing them everyday :)

Cleaning Up My Closet

Well, I've been on a hiatus, probably because I forgot all about the blog.
Not that anyone really noticed.

We had a great flood all over the city, and the family was forced to move out to the apartment for awhile.
Last week the flood subsided and we started cleaning up. Suprise suprise, we're not finished yet.
I lost many books, :( not just mine but also people's, and my craft thingies. I hope my weaving loom isn't affected but I have yet to see it.
I wanted to take some pictures of the wreck, but turned out my camera batteries are dead.

There's still so much to be done, and going to the office isn't helping at all. Somehow my office mood lately has been grouchy and uncooperative.

Goodbye

Rain falls ever soft
a gentle reminder of..
is the sun hiding away
from having to see you walk away?

Grey is the wet pavement
nothing is ever so wrong
for a gentle reminder of..
the day you went away

It might be easier than I thought
to let something go
maybe I already have
a few weeks ago?

When the seat is empty
and I have survived even
how anything would not be
be a reminder of you?

More Weddings

Enough already!! Please no one get married these few months anymore!
I ran out of money, ran out of dresses, ran out of hairstyles!! :))

I got 2 weddings this weekend, which means my whole weekend. One is a
junior high friend, and the other is a work mate.
The first one is more like a reunion, it was so funny meeting all those
friends from way back.
Most of them look the same, but some have an amazing transformation.
I'm glad to see how some people were still as friendly and clicked as we
used to.

The second one was .. well.. like working since I met most of the people
in the office as well :)) only in a different outfit.
It was pretty good and pretty windy. I think i caught the wind.
It was also rather sad when they asked us to take a picture, since it
would probably the last picture we will have together with the Groom.
The groom is resigning soon.

Oh well, congratulations to both couples. I'm happy to be a part of your
big day.

Aftermath

Sometimes people die not in the midst of the crisis.
They got through the crisis.
They die after. Some time where they've thought they've faced the worst.
But actually the worst part is not the loud chaos. It's the silence after.

Like in Titanic where Jack and Rose had survived the ship. When
everything was so much calmer, he had been to tired to hold on.

Sometimes you put every strength in your body and mind to get through
something and to win or achieve something, only to find out that when
you've won it you don't have any strength left to keep holding on.

Drowning?

I think it must be like drowning..

you find yourself suddenly choking.. wanting to scream. To say something at least.
You have a clear mind but you have no idea what to say, and how to say it.
How can you? When you're hardly even breathing?
You watch yourself getting further from the surface, from Life. And what came out of your mouth is a bubble of groan. A whimper, a pathetic bleat.

Then it's just the basic survival thing. You keep kicking and you keep gasping and even when you cannot say anything you try your best to cling to Life. Why? You asked, because the only other option was to Die. There was no logical reasoning in wanting to live, no romantic words on how you wanted so much to live. How do you talk yourself out to Life, and debate with Life to make it stay with you for as long as it could?

You can't, and because I can't, I can only try to breathe myself back to Life.


And it's so much like living,
The way I wanted to grab at any second that i have left, any minute, any days. Though it must end someday, whether in Death or in some other ugly form. But you can't help to want it to last a little bit longer.

Oh but that's only because.. perhaps.. that I consider life only with you

Challenges

I watched a short overview on television about Kyoto.
There was this very old guy who worked in one very expensive antique inn ($1000 / night). He worked as a guests' shoe care-taker and he was very proud of what he does there.

Then there were a few old workers on an abandoned railroad in one of the areas, and they build back the railroads to activity and hustles and bustles on their own initiatives. The comopany was almost bankrupt, and they thought since this would probably our last try, while we're waiting to be kicked off let's do something to prevent it! Which I think was an enermous thing to do, most of us would turn our backs and find another job. But they made it.

Success is a step away from when you feel like giving up.

Then, even still there was a girl who worked as... eerr.. I'm not sure what but it's some kind of a fishcatcher. She's still an apprentice and confesses that right now she's still learning how to pull back the rope, at which she will still need 3-5 years to master it before learning something else.

She absolutely has ambition and determination. But her ambition does not run wildly, she has ambition to be perfect in what she does. Most of us does not and will not think this way at all.

I have absolute awe and respect for this people.
Though I can never be like them, but I'd like to think that I will someday be as proud as the shoe caretaker.

Recently I've gotten numerous job from my boss. Some of it are actually my job, which I don't mind getting except that he's giving me extra load about other jobs as well. I'm trying to do it without mouthing any complaints to him or looking reluctant, it's a bit tricky to do with all the deadlines coming up.

I keep reminding myself that, this isn't much yet, I would probably need 3-5 years to be truly expert in this so I should take my time and learn everything I can while I do my tasks.

I also keep reminding myself that, when all the unfairness and petty annoyance happens around me, I need to focus and contribute 'my share' to the organization and not mind these so much. I shall not be envious, shall not be too gossipy ( a little won't hurt much right?) , shall not be sly to anyone, shall not try to make someone else look stupid. Be honest, be humble, do the job right.

I hope I can keep this challenge.

It's just me.. again..

I cannot bear to see you lying there..
I cannot bear to be helpless
I want to be the one beside you when your tears starts rolling
I want to be the wind that supports you when you fly
But I am simply reminded
How I can't..

The sad thing about weddings is...

to realize I do not have many friends at all, no one for me to be able
to say, he/she is the one who is able to propose the toast for us..
who knows enough about us, to say the truth...
one who I can ask to shop around with me, laugh, coffee, and live my
last single days with me...
Hopefully by the time I get to that point, I'll have a few ;)

qotd

Even if a tree doesn't seem to grow straight, it's still looking for the
same light...
-DW

Singapore..

I was in Singapore a few days ago for 6 days in total.
I had a good time, some extremely tiring time, some confused times.. all is good.

I went on 31st, our hotel was much much worse than my Malaysia trip. This time it's almost red light hotel hahaha. I went all over the country (read: city) and shopped a bunch of goodies for the happy people back home.

I was upset the first day coz I didn't have anyone to take me anywhere at all, and I never got a chance to meet a good friend there :( which is such a shame since he's so busy! The thing is when I got home in Jakarta I realized how much more problems there are in Jakarta, home and work. While in Singapore I've been busy with work but having a good time (until late night).


I got some piccies but I haven't really got it coz it's on my boss' camera phone..

To be continueedd..

...

Do you know
how much time passes
if you disappear
and come back again?

I would say
not a thousand years
but there simply would be
no time lost

All because
that I would
simply disappear too
and reappear with you

Do you know
what would I dream of
if I didn't dream of you?

I would say
there would be no dreams
and only sleepless nights
without you in my dreams

Do you know
how the world would sound
if you go?

I have to say
the world would simply be
a mass of noise
a scream
for you

Scotty

Here's a pic of Scotty!! My all new latest creation!! Made just for hmm hmm... with the right formula!!

I'm using a free pattern. And hopefully will get a kinda rough authentic look.
Whaddya think of Scotty!?!?!

He definitely took a while to finish. Jeans is very hard to pierce so my hands got stiff after awhile and I couldn't get the stitches as even as I wanted it to be.
But anyway.. Scotty's my maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! Love him love him love him.

A quote from Sad Love Song

Some people say if you want it badly enough you will be able to meet, how badly do I have to want you?

I am afraid that I cannot find you.. forever..

--- Joon Hyoong..

Need

1. Patience
2. Hard Work
3. Humility
4. Compassion
5. Understanding

In the end

In the end.. I was saved.. time again.. by your smile.. and your chids...
In the end.. I was saved.. by the outsiders..
by the unknown

..

If I send email would I be reprimanded
If I ignore.. would I be scolded
If I follow.. would this be worth it?

Rants

Birthday Resolution to be
1. Need to finish Scotty my dog so I'll be happier
2. People don't tell the truth so stop believing
3. Give up about the company
4. Get over bitchy and backstabbers
5. Plan next craft project, something to keep me sane !

Management & Information Management Problems

There are a bunch of problems in the office.. and not all of them are
the management's fault.. though some are!
I'm trying to juggle my way through the information passed through me,
making sure I pass the right ball to the right person, making sure I
threw the ball hard enough for him/her to catch and easy enough. We
desperately need some kind of management information flow here where
people know where to go to with what information. Right now everyone
says different things about one single issue which shows how much
information is lost on the way between one person to another.

Today I found out that I missed an important information, because my
'colleague' didn't think it was relevant to me and was relevant that if
I know that the plans would change or something.
We need more trust here!!!

Then I found uot that the production team has also missed telling the
marketing people some real critical infos... which I accidentally found
and passed through instead. The info has no important significance to me
myself but I found myself getting dissapointed of how much people missed
telling each other. Hopefully these kind of 'accidents' won't happen to
me. I have notified the proper / related people about these info flow
problem and hopefully things will get better.

Things will get better if we try to make them better, ain't it so?

Did you know.. I made a lamb..

Lol, I got a free pattern on one of the blogs on the internet and I
sewed up a small lamb doll.
Overall... well it's juat OKAY. The ears were too large, and I didn't
sew up the under gusset properly. Plus, I didn't fill up the lamb with
enough fillings.
:( It certainly isn't perfect despite everybody's comment that it looks
nice.
Frankly I want to make it better! Shall I cut it up? I'll post some
pictures later on.

The lamb is now at my bfs house, standing on a glass shelf in his and
his sister's room.
I hope next time I'll do better..

Strands Of Life

Relationships are like the pictures of chromosomes in those biology books..
Long, with strange holes that you don't recognise, and bumps or crosses
each other at some point.
Some will never cross again, some will be paired through the whole length.
No idea where the strand will go, and have no idea that however I try to
cross or pair it with another if it will ever work.
But I need to survive in the meantime, and see where it leads, don't I?
We all need to survive however our strand is filled with those holes and
never cross with any other's.

There are going to be many goodbyes soon, and it is just starting.
It's funny how nothing happens for a long time.. status quo.. and then
suddenly everything changes in an instant that you never expect it would.
Like journey(ing) through this nagai.. time tunnel and suddenly when you
got out of it everything pulls you and sucks you out in a black hole.
I just hope I'll see you at the end of the tunnel.

Called by the devil herself..?

He he..
On my first day in Soerabaja there's a few missed calls with no numbers.
At the afternoon I managed to pick up the call and it was from a woman:
Me: Hello?
Her: Hello?
Me: Yes?
Her: Who's this?
Me: Huh?
Her: Is this Dewi?
Me: Yes. Who's This?!!?!
Her: No. Nothing important.
Click
She put down the receiver..
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Who's that womannnnnnnnnnnn..
If she's a friend checking out or forgetting my number how come she
didn't say something like "oh.. it's me. Just checking out that this is
still ur number"
She said "No Nothing Important" in a chotto unfriendly way.
...
Might she be a ghost?
Or a jealous woman?
Or a predator?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaa....
----- Click ----

Eyes Open Wide

I have found a need to know my relatives better :( I've been half-asleep
living through these world.
I love the patience of my grandma..
How she is often silent, unobstrusive and doesn't ask too much questions..
She is highly attentive though, though I cannot say I'm very close to
her since I don't get to meet her that often.
I should say however, that I'd love to grow old like her
*personality-wise* if I ever get old.
:D

Back..

Back from Surabaya.
Had a wonderful holiday, and got tired of Indonesian food. Need
Japanese/Western and more Chinese food!!!

My sis going off on an airplane to NZ first, hope she has a safe journey
all the way and enjoyed the trips.
I hope she'll enjoy her new job as well and will tell me more about it
later.
*Sending hugs over the air*

Final Fantasy Concert

Hey Yay!
I watched Final Fantasy Concert by Twilite Orchestra last week in Tennis Indoor Senayan.
It's kinda like watching a good movie beside a little baby in the cinema. Good contents, bad environment.

But anyway the songs were good of course and it has started a Final Fantasy Fever in the office since some of our friends watched too.

We sat in the tribune while the others went for the Festival (Standing) tickets.

These are some piccies that I shot from my phone's camera.

Being the Bad Person

In our lives we make choices. Some choices are hard, some are easier to
make like what's for dinner today.What if, one day, you have to make a decision that's either way is bad. Like the silly test about who to save when you can only choose one person to save. Like what if you have to choose between bad and the worse. Can one be fair in one's choices?

Am I ready to be a bad person when the time comes? Are you?
Knowing that either way around you're going to carry a large hole in your heart, a burden in your deep soul, a tear that you might never allow to fall, can you make the decision?
And if that's not enough, you know people are going to hate you for the decisions you make, and you yourself will be haunted and will sometimes regret it. The path you took. No one might ever understand why you said what you said, did what you did.  And sometimes you would have no chance
or no strength to tell anyone. Can you make the decision?

But hey someone have to do the dirty job, someone has to be blamed.
People need to blame to rectify themselves, to reassure that however hard the decision is, it's still wrong to some people. We can't always be right. Or can we?

I always thought it's great to be a good person, but to be a 'bad' person, at least from everyone else's view, well sometimes it took more sacrifice, more courage, and more heart.

...

So happy to meet you

I want to meet new people, who so wonderfully changed me and how I live
my life in their little ways..

I have loved the experience last week.. of me meeting people in Malaysia
all by myself.. then meeting a beuatiful Korean woman.
I've learnt so much from how they talk, they present themselves and say
what they want to say.

It has particularly pushed me to be a better person.. a better person at
communicating I hope.
I used to be very passive. When there're new people around I would hold
myself back until that person is introduced by someone else or introduce
themselves.
Now I realized that I need to take a more active role, be more cheerful
towards new people and initiate myself to introduce myself.. and it has
worked I think in a much better way.

I just want to improve who I am, whom I work with, and how I work..

Thank you for those of you whom I have met.. because you have touched
and taught me things that you never realized teaching.

supermanNme

supermanNme,
originally uploaded by dewikeren.

That's Superman!! .. handsome isn't he!?!!
and who's right next to him but meeee!!!
Yay!

I got to meet the superman.. he's kakko iiiii

Would love to take a pic with my hands on his waist or chest but people are loooooooookin'!

The Happy Thursday

Relating on what happened on my trip besides the Aircraft and the hotel,
I get to see some of my friends!!
I got to meet Lulu and KahLeong!! We spent the whole day shopping, I had
lunch with Lulu in 1Utama which is now a very large Mall just outside KL.
It was a quite good ramen shop, although they gave very little sashimi
to us :(.

I bought some omiyages for the people back home, rushed over here and
there before finally getting picked up by KahLeong outside the mall.
He drove this cute Kancil that seemed small for his size hahaha. Anyway
we went to Petaling street, and shopped some more.
I bought 3 cool T-Shirts that I hope won't be ruined by washing. It has
a printed monkey face that's just catchy and good. I'll post up a pic
when I wear it.
I also gave 2 of the other T-Shirts to My Dear and he loved it!! Thank
Goodness!!

I caught a glimpse of a good oriental looking bag but didn't get to ask
how much was it for. :(

I also bought some J-Drama VCDs with Bahasa Malaysia text which I 'm
sure not many people would love reading it. Anyway it's for me myself so
I'm pretty satisfied.
I have yet to watch them though. Plus I bought an original DVD of Grave
of the Fireflies live action for RM 12 something hopefully with a good
English subtitle.

I ate a so-so Char Siew Rice with Kah Leong. They gave so many Char
Siews that we couldn't finish them all! I actually have unclear pics of
the Char Siew and the Petaling Street. Will Post them when I get home.

What a wonderful... stress-free ... day!

Here's a pic of the petaling street... just when I'm getting home.
There's a few car strangely parking. We suspect it's intel hahaha
Well, we caught YOU on the camera!

My English Sucks

After a few days over there in KL, I've realized how much my English
have deteriorated (verbally).
But, I have the amazing ability to adapt to my surroundings and within
two days have reduced myself to a sound Manglish!

Now I need to review the hotel. I stayed at Eastin Hotel in Damansara.
Overall it deserved the 4 star it has received, and I'd give them that
in any review.

First time I came it was 12 PM, and they didn't have a room ready yet
for me.. which is quite dissapointing because I had wanted to freshen
myself up.
The room was spacious but bare, kind of boring and lack of decoration.
But still the large space is good.
The bed is a bit too hard for me, but since I'm alone and it's a queen
size, I can roll around for all I want.
Then they didn't have an international adapter, which I desperately
needed for my laptop, so I headed to Mid Valley and bought myself one.
After a few days I think all the housekeeping, room service people has
known me. I've called almost to all extensions available.
The internet is 40 RM per 24 hours, that's quite a lot but I guess its
hotel rates. The speed is OK.

I had some problems with the telephone lines. On two of the three phones
in my room and bathroom, it keeps saying "You have message" but I
couldn't do anything about it.
On another phone, I could call to the other extensions but I couldn't
call outside with the 9 + Number code, so I had to bug the operators on
and on.
The good thing is , for failled calls they didn't charge me anything. I
remembered in some hotels they would charge you for trying to call even
to a busy or wrong number.

The basic amenities were ok, good packaging. They didn't check the mini
bar when we went out, they just asked me if I consume anything and they
just trust me. (Yes I'm telling the truth that I didn't consume anything!)

The conclerge were nice people, I like them the most compared to the
front desk people. So I gave them a RM 5 tip on my way off.

So that's how I gave them the 4 star they deserved. Hope my next trip
would be better (Or maybe I'll stay in a better hotel downtown)

Here's a pic of the hotel where I'm staying! bare,huh?

In KL!!

Well I'm right now in Kuala Lumpurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
used to be my 2nd home!

Everything looked almost.. almost the same.
I'm staying in the Eastin Hotel, I'll review it later, but first.. Air Asia

Well I encountered some problems with Air Asia.
First of all, they changed the flight time without telling me.. Luckily I called up the customer service to change the time and found out that the schedules have changed.
The guy who picked up my phone then changed my schedule to 17.30 and said to me that "this change is free for you since we changed the flight time" as if he was doing me a huge favour.

Secondly, they didn't open the check-in counter until like 1 hour before flight like they had stated in their ticket.

Thirdly, The plane seats were so close to each other that I'm doubting its safe .. but of course what do I know about safety.

Fourth, they didn't have the Malaysian immigration card to give to me.

On a plus point the stewardesses were quite nice, and somewhat cheerful.

I hope this doesn't happen to me on the way back!

Wedding Rush

Geez, another cousin of mine got formally proposed! Another one! In a
few months I've heard of so many weddings.
Whats the hurry gals?

Are the boys getting scarce or what?
Anyway congratulations and hope I can wear something nice for u guys
wedding

My inner Devil..

Devillish me,
originally uploaded by dewikeren.

I'm fighting my inner devil... not so cheerful like the picture.
There are many incidents many mistakes, many words that will change my mood in an instant.
Even when I'm feeling positive, I could be torn apart in the next instant.

Call it my devil in me... the one who reduced me to unhappiness. The one I'm trying to say goodbye to, with difficulty.

Let's just see what happens..

Trust, Sharing a life..

Lately I have come into a state of calmness, I'm not sure until when, but I'm glad I'm going through this stage at last.
It took a bit while to forget my insecurities, my stranger thoughts, our imperfections, and our frictions...

Actually sometimes I'm still dissapointed when I see that I don't know everything about you.. saw everything that you do... while almost nothing have passed in my recent life that you are not aware of. But I've come to accept it as a part of you that I may not touch, may never know, but respect.

But of course in time, we could try to get our lives closer and closer ..

Thank you.

Narsis2

Narsis2,
originally uploaded by dewikeren.

Those who never seen me b4.. well this is me..
Finally I'm testing Flickr and uploaded my own photo.
This is usually against me and I'll take it off soon. Dun like my boss to find out what i'm blogging!

Something Indonesian

Inspired by 20th Century Boys volume 8

Kau mendaki..
Aku tahu..
Kau berusaha begitu keras..
Walau begitu lemah

Meski jatuh..
Meski terluka..
Kau mendaki..
dan aku memandangmu..

Saat kau perlahan menghilang
dalam deru suara mesin..
Sesaat jagad raya sunyi
dan hanya nyanyian jiwamu yang kudengar

Aku terpaku hampa memandang
Ketakutan..
Kebencian..
Monster hitam..
yang kini tampak indah..
karena kau ada di sana..

Safari

I also forgot to record.. that a few weeks ago 26 May 2006 we went to Safari in Puncak.
Lovely lovely. It was a lot of fun, but I think the animals have gone lesser and timid.
We enjoyed the Sea Lion show very much, they look so friendly and cute.

I got some on my digi camera but the battery soon ran out. Dad bought us a disposable camera though.. made me feel better. We haven't process the film camera so I think I'll post more pics when we have and scan it.

In the meantime, here's a bear!And a curious zebra!

The Engagement

Just for records, last Saturday my relative got formally proposed to. I'm late in blogging.
I think she looked sweet in her kebaya dress and she looked happy in the photo. I didn't get to see the event because of some misunderstanding.

All the same I wish she has as much happiness as she can, like in Ima, ai ni yukimasu.. but not as sad as that movie..

Talking about the movie, here's a tiny token that I took from a website ... a screenshot of the film.


Alas, the movie points one of the good points of the rainy seasons. I wished it had been the winter season. Much more fatale.. much more dramatic... much more deadly...
But of course.. rainy seasons worked in the movie too.

Those of you out there

Hmm I've been wondering if there are any lost wanderers that came into this blog.
For those of you who read this post, please say hi to me in the comments.
It'd be amusing to know who actually arrived.

Anyway, I know that sometimes I just didn't try hard enough.
I'm just too lazy to do some stuff. Recently I've been asked to do a presentation for my boss
and I didn't do anything impressing and in the end the other boss stepped in and changed everything by himself. Though I suspected that he's deliberately trying to do some guilt-feeding to me, but well it kinda works after I saw some better presentations out there.

On another issue I'm totally lazy to do my studies as well. I didn't even finish a chapter on my thesis these 2 weeks and that's a real shame. Everytime I tried to do something the same sentences came out and the whole chapter looked like a pathetic chant.

I need to get my fighting spirit back, but just too lazy to even do that.. .dang I'm actually enjoying my laziness.

Web Comics

Oh yeah, Recently I've been hunting some web comics and would like to share this URL to those who are bored out there http://www.manatheater.com It contains animation of secret of mana scenes with twisted conversation. Some of them are funny! Check it out, the guys at the office loved it even if they never played.

Talking about office, I've mentioned that I'm having flu just now. I'm thinking of taking tomorrow a half-day off. Alas I couldn't manage a full day off because there's a project that needs to be started ASAP. But I'm thinking whether people would actually buy i'm having quite a flu since I could go to see the MI3 movie.

Whaddya think?

MI3

We watched Mission Impossible: 3, like the whole company together, but some people didn't show up. As usual there are regular non show ups who I'm still begging to know why.
We had quite good fun though I'm having a flu and wasn't too chatty.

MI3 is pretty good. Somehow reminded me of Dan brown's plot.
Well we get to see the rubber face mask for undercover scenes, the only thing that I remembered from MI series. I noticed that Tom Cruise is getting old, and somehow the female main character looked like Katie Holmes (is that why they're kissing for so long?)

On the Japanese side, we watched Densha Otoko series at home. It's funny in a lame sense, the plot is way pushy but anime lovers should like it, they'd find so much of themselves in the guy. I'm still waiting to see if there's any real plot in the movie. Lol.