1 year 5 months

Yay! It's been 1 year and 5 months ( + 1 if you count the posting date)
Me be very happy. Hopefully this will last years and years and years to
come.....
I adore you!

I wanna dance ballet

Blame the mangas and the movies that I watch, I now have a (short-term?) desire to learn ballet.
As usual I think it's going to be short-term. I usually found out one way or another that it's not going to come true..

But I always thought dancing.. would free me.. from something. As if I can move.. and be happy.
If only I have known this earlier.. or younger.

But I'm going to dream anyway :)

Doodle

This is my doodle to day,.. I had wanted to make it more detail but it ended up being too small to be detailed.

It's a lonely old man looking to the distance. (Yes, that's a man)

Running..

Running Running
Reaching for your Hope
Running Running
Once Again

Behind the frown
Did I see a hint of a sly smirk
Just as I pass by
I know you're holding on

Friends as we are
We'd meet while we run
saying hi
And it's morning all over again

While we run...

birthday piccies

So I finally transfered my birthday pic from my mobile.
It doesn't look too good. I think I need to clean the lenses or something, everyday it's getting even darker.

Here it is.. I'm 23.. *the pic is before I cut my hair*
I ate in Red Bean with family.. yay..looking very happy

I don't want to play games

I don't want to play games with you. I've had enough. You've had enough.
It's sometimes wrong to say the truth.
I'll hold you dear but we won't be together.
I've seen enough people trying to leave me.. and left me.. with anger,
with sadness, or just simply shut me down.
Am I so wrong?

I remembered crying, I remembered pleading, I remembered all the hurt,
but I can't learn. I'm so stupid.
But I can't understand.. how can people leave so casually?

I need people who never leave me.. I need that kind of friend...
I need you to never leave me..

A conversation

A: Wow you hit another homerun! How do you feel about this?
B: I know it's gonna happen.
A: Wow, so are you aspiring to be a no 1 batter?
B: Not really. I just really hate running.

Friendship

I've always been awed, and I always worship stories of childhood
friendship. Friendship that lasts till you're all grown up.. although
most people would think it's too mushy.
I can't imagine having a friend who totally understands me and what I
do, always there, and not fall in love with him.
Therefore I also adore these childhood friendship stories that ends up
in love. ha ha.. how naive..
My top list would be...

H2. Hiro and Hikari. Although I know it's impossible for someone
to know each other so much. It breaks my heart when they din't after all
get together.

I do SOOOOOOOOOOO want Hiro and Hikari to be together. Why don't we just
rewrite the story? It's a beautiful friendship, and more of a love story
rather than Hideo's with Hikari. aah.. regret for life..

Little Women. Laurie and Jo. Not as heart wrenching but still..

Gift (Korean). *forgot the names*. This one really did end up
together. But it's not so touching..

I'll add some more when I can remember them.

But for now.. I just don't have the energy..
because H2 has left me
bereft..

Cut My Hair!

I let a friend cut my hair for experience !!!
it's ... very japanese now HAHAHA
I loook like a japanese high school girl!!!
But it's all cute and fine :)) *altho it did took almost 3 hours for her
to finish with my hair*
Thanks Yumi!

Remember Quartet Cards?

A good friend just reminded me of a card game named quartet, actually it
has also popped into my head a few times this week, I don't know why.
It's a cute card system where you must collect 'family card' that
consists of 4 cards that would be distributed randomly to the players.

It's a creative way to play cards and the design is usually interesting.
I remembered that I had a set of card, and one of them was the 'Dewi'
family card. So in the family group there's Dewi Malam, Dewi Hutan, and
another two which I cannot recall. The pictures are interesting .. hmm
remembering the cards make me want to make my own card set. If only I
have the money and enough Photoshop skills .. lol

Happy..

Happy and black and blue
Why?
I don't know..
just happy..

Falling down the stars

Stairs.. to be exact.

Hahaha I fell down the stairs in a stupid way..
sliding and can't stop myself.. lucky I saved my glass from peril. in
the end I got just a few bruises and a 5 inch skin scrap.
nothing much except that a certain panda was behind me and laughing
saying I fell down in a funny doink doink sequence.. err..

On another note I noticed that people deffinitely work or performed
better when a certain standard or target is set. When a person is given
a standard / target to go over to, they actually believed somewhere in
their mind that it would be possible to do it or that someone else had
done it. I've seen it numerous times, especially in Fear Factor the Tv
Show. The first person is at a disadvantage, because he/she/they don't
know what would be the normal time to do a challenge so they can only do
their 'best'. But when the second person goes, he/she (apart from
already watching how the first person does his act) knows that he/she
has to break that time limit no matter what to get the prize, and
besides the first person had proved that he can do it in such a
time.When you know someone before did it, it became something human to
do. Even if the person who did it was very strong, or that you have only
1% chance of winning.

I've also seen it in my workplace, when I set something to be done in 4
days, it was done. But of course put a time limit that's feasible if we
work efficiently. Not a time limit that's feasible if we work 12 hours a
day.

Stupid Oil of Olay

So the other day Oil of Olay held a program offering to exchange old
moisturisers with their new product Total Effects+.
So mom and I went to the mall at 9.45 AM, before the shops have openned,
and we head to the stall once the doors were openned.

When we got there apparently there's already around 60 people (God knows
from where since the door has just openned). I counted around 60 people
then out of nowhere annoying people come and cut the line, friends from
those in front of us. It's pretty annoying but I thoguht it'd get only
to 70 people or so, but by the time the stall openned at 11.40 (yes it's
a 2 hours wait!) so many people had cut the line.

And guess what, Mom and I didn't get it coz we were the 101st person
from a 100 quota... bummer.

Bad marketing system.. They claimed that they're not responsible for the
line cuts and all.. and I agree, but if I got there at 11.45 and cut the
line in front of their eyes, would they let me ?

It's all probably a lie. Maybe there are some of their own people too in
the line. Cutting the quota short.

Oil Price rockets....

So the government decided to raise the price.. again..
Can't they find any other solution besides making the poor poorer and
the rich richer?

If the problem lies in too many vehicles going around then why do they
give each Representative a lux car?
And all the marketing program involves giving cars away?

Why not instead take all the illegal money from the corruptors instead?
Heck Indonesia's rich enough to let outsiders take its oil for cheap

We're happy!!! Are we?

... office is back!!!
We're happy!!! Are we?

Well first, i'm having a bit of headache + flu symptoms. Not only me, Dad's also having coughs.

Secondly, I had hopes that the office would have a positive atmosphere after all that rest but instead it's still the same thick atmosphere (maybe there are too many people working in the same floor).

Thirdly, There seems to be a number of people leaving the office. It's getting lonelier and if they haven't got the replacement yet that means more work for everyone left.

so everyday I have to drag myself from the bed, everyday thinking whether I can take the day off or not...

Are we still happy, friends?

Self-pity

Does this ever happen to you?

Sometimes I say to myself..
People don't have to like each other..
we can hate each other it doesn't matter
we have our own principles..
or.. I don't care they don't know the real me..

But the more I think about it, the more I realize
They're just an excuse of my fear of being disliked by someone.

Why can't I just say, I hate being disliked, I feel lonely.

As a matter of fact, I just did..

Scary..

I'm scared..
trapped in this illuminosity..
What's going on?
Save us..


I discovered something that made me even more disturbed, such that I cannot write it here... perhaps someday I can retell.

I have learnt something yesterday as I listened to a conversation in front of me. It is that..
When we push our principles, when we chase those others, when we fought and won... we will be the last standing person, and that must've felt lonely.

What does it mean? It means that sometimes we cannot fight for what we believe in, because we are human and we need more than just a correct principle. It is best to hold back, swallow a little bit of pride or indignancies and smile..
Our life might be a lot happier and less lonelier that way.

Idling..

Look what I've done in my 'holiday'! I finally managed to finish what i started almost a year ago. Isn't it cute!!!!!?!? Too bad the picture's a bit blurry and the lighting's all wrong.

Building such a cute thing made me proud of myself.. and gave me some of my confidence that I can finish the things I set to finish after all. It's all in our minds

Tomorrow's my mom's birthday.. and I hope we'll have a lovely time. No nags, no complaints.. just peace.. I'm looking for peace a lot these days.

Maybe it's because of this unfinished office businesses? I'm like a chicken without a head, I don't know what to do.. and everyday I felt like I had made a mistake, that I should have done so much more, guilt, fear, and regret.. of what? I'm not even sure.

How to report user?

I was pleasently surprised a few minutes ago when I saw a comment on my blog.
But then it apparently seemed to be a SPAM comment. Now I'm trying to find out how to report the Blogger user. Can't seem to find any clue on the Help section though. Anyone?

Another silly problem today is that I keep on misplacing my mom's birthday card. Actually it's supposed to be a dad to mom birthday card. I misplaced itself a year ago just near the birth Date, and it has misplaced itself again this year. What's wrong with being my mom's birthday card anyway?

Well well..

Working from home does have its pros and cons.

My Pros:
- I could wake up at 10.00 AM like I did today
- I could do whatever I want in the mean time when I don't have anything to do
- I can wear anything I like

My Cons:
- Internet connection on dial up is very .. very.. bad.
- There's no one to talk to!
- Team Coordination seemed to be reduce 80%.

So I spent my idling time to wrap my mom's presents (which I'm not very good at). I am planning to give her a handbag that she can use to go to the office. So I have to twist the bag this way and that to reduce the paper wrapper space it's taken. I hope the bag won't be ruined by Wednesday...