stranger things

Waiting for the taxi driver to come, and read a book just newly written by a distant cousin of mine. To translate literally, the title is "When Women believe". It's a religious book on her life story and her family.

Just read a few pages when i caught a paragraph / thought that interests me, she said, when you look for a spouse (in this case, a husband) do not look for wealth, look, or even good. Look for a man who fear God, because that is the only man that will be worth of you (or us). This statement is continued by a quote from a priest Good - God = 0. Of which if we play around with the equation would mean: Good = God.

Deriving from that equation, now why would a man who is good, not worth enough, if he does not fear God?

Nevertheless, reading about fear of God always invokes a certain feeling.
perhaps somewhere in my soul it is a calling, even above all the logical, illogical explanations, contradictions, and accusations. I wonder if I will ever 'leave' this belief. :)

Even though I agree with most of the argument against the greater design, etc, and most common definitions, i find that this inexplainable feeling is persistently there. And if one can be happy living with it, against logic, why shouldn't one?

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday to twooooooooo lovely guys
One whom i rarely spoke to nowadays since he's so busy.
And another one whom is always teasing me on everything

Hope the best in life for you both.

Thanks for being great friends
Hugsssssssssssss

Actually i didn't make this picture.. someone else did
:D

May the cosmos be with you

.

tired body, mind, soul, and whatever left of me.

not thinking positive

giving up on life's hopeful hopes

liike, whatever, you know?

Plastic Flower

What do you do when you find a beautiful flower..
say a rose..
it's pink, it has fragrance and all
then you find out it's made out of plastic
and the fragrance is sprayed from a can.
Do you, enjoy it while it still has the fragrance?
Do you, put it away and lose interest
Do you, put it in a water and pretend it's a real flower, or that someday it will turn real?

Killed

there are 2 ways in which we can kill someone, 1. Kill him for real, 2. format his harddisk.
 

Office haiku

paper, pen and phone
the restless mind unfolding
it's time to search life

night haiku

the tears overflow
the window closes softly
dark rises within

Why People Need Windows

I'm sure most of you have already known about this, and yet it just
bothers my mind when we take a look at this from another level and put
it in another context

In the cave eras, people don't have windows. They make a large hole
opening on their caves or huts that serves as a door and functioned as a
window as well.
Then eventually one really smart guy, or a girl in fact, closed the
opening to prevent dangerous animals to enter. And thus, doors came to be.

But why need a window? What importance does it make. Why a room with
window is preferred compared to those with only door(s)? Now we look at
what happens outside the house or the room or whatever. There's the sun,
there's the greenery, roads, your fence, maybe a little bit of the sky.
Do we like what we see outside?
If we do, and for most people there is a certain objective in knowing
the outside or having in contact with the outside, is the reason why we
have windows.
So when we do have a chance to be close to whatever good there is out
there, we want to, and yet we are scared of the negative things they
bring. The dust, the heat, the smell (if there's any), the sound.

If we again go back to comparison with the cave age, most people spend
their lives outside, with the forests, with nature etc. A hundred
century later, people stay inside the house, the building, the room, and
by choice (actually) decided not to have contact with the 'outside' as
much. Yet if you recall the question before, most of us do like to know,
interact, feel the outside world out of our room or cubicle.

People decide that they want to control how they interact with
something that they love / like. They want to touch, only when they want
to, how they want it. They want to feel, interact, hear, see, only when
they decide to. That's why, the answers are windows. They open the
window and get whatever they can out of the limited space and time and
close it once they feel it's enough or they start to feel the
consequences. They ignore negative aspects once they close the window.
It's still there, the dust, the pollution, the extreme heat, yet they
don't have to think about it. Since now they have a closed wall, a door,
and a window. Being smart and selfish at the same time works.

You decided you like something, you try to blend with it, you discover
something you don't like about it and it disturbs or hurt you in some
way, so you close everything , put little holes just in case you need
to go back and get the best sides of it and put layers and layers of
protection around yourself. And yet we would still say.. we love that
something.

Scenario

There was a man who wanted to open his own restaurant someday.
But he was not a good cook, nor was he a good manager. What he can do, is paint.
He pictured in his mind a nice restaurant with paintings of people that he met or was around him.
So he thought that he'd make the paintings to be displayed in the restaurant as he visualized in his mind. He painted his family, he painted his friends, he painted his neighbours.

After 30 years he has paintings piled in his room, and he has now enough money to build his restaurant. but then, his paintings were too many to be displayed. They wouldn't fit, he thought. He'd have to select a few that were the best and leave the rest.

He never get to open his restaurant , and he continued painting his friends because he couldn't bear to leave anyone out.

What do you think of this story and this guy?

Gali Lubang Tutup Lubang

Dibuka lagi
diintip lagi
lubang-lubang dulu
dan dicibir
dan ditangisi

Minta maaf lagi
Terima kasih lagi
lubang-lubang dulu
gundukan-gundukan dulu

Ditutup lagi
Maafkan aku lagi
Aku masih ingat
lubang-lubang itu

Taitung

And this is a photo of a large nice tree, and a lonely chair beneath it. On the seaside park in Tai Tung.

A quite cloudy day, and complete with a melancholic mood.

I thought it would be nice to sit under the tree if the chair wasn't so old. Wouldn't be nice if I fell down huh!

Off to the Republic of China

Taking off tomorrow and coming back a week later. I hope Taiwan is
going to be a nice experience.
I'm still not sure where to go to after all the planning because it
seemed there aren't many interesting place
or really nice place even for sighseeing.
But keep it hopeful and expecting some good food.

:D
Hope that my Simpati GPRS roams so I can send some emails along the way.

dComberan

Duduk di kursi bolong. Tatap lamat namar pintu. Berharap tak ada yang dengar helaan. Dan menghirup aroma anyir. Lega skaligus siksa. Genangan air di ujung kaki Saat terlihat pun terbersit. Apakah itu air mata? Dan bukan bocoran pipa? Lantai dan dinding dingin. Pandangi air yang sulit kering. Tak ada lembah tuk dialiri kembali ke laut. Tak ada selokan yang memaafkan. Air comberan tergenang layaknya hati yang tak tenang.

Shangrila

A simple place and a state. Where no pretense need enter. No love is forsaken. No shame on being human. Where being near does nt mean hurting. Being different is a gift and not a rift. Humanity as the language. And a teaspoon of shyness just to make it real. A home and not.. Just a hotel.

clouds

On certain days, like that one, like when you tell me about life, what you need to do in it etcetera. It is not for one to stop another. It is for one to wish well and good luck. It is though for me as well a knowledge of a lonesome journey that you will undertake, rewarding as it is.

That, on which no voices I sing shall be heard
Then, on which no dreams I make shall you see
There, on which no poems I make shall ever reach..

Sahabat

Aku yang tak pernah mewujud mimpi
Kau yang tak pernah mengukir angan
Ketika kau duduk di sampingku
Kubangun mimpi itu di atas senyummu
dan kau lukis angan itu di atas jemariku

Sebab
Mimpiku dan anganmu
tlah bertemu nyawanya
Dalam diri kita
dalam bersama..

25, and still a freak

Morning, tea no coffee
Grinning ear to ear
Left kiss right kiss
all the dears

Have loved
and be loved
You were right
There was nothing to cry on

Simply grateful
The past and future
It's time to look ahead
with hopefully no fear
and with surely no regrets

Still doing silly dances
Still laughing too loud
Arms too long
and limbs too thin
I'm still a freak
the grateful freak

Quoted

"Ellen Burstyn: Its alright i can become myself and strong and a woman and be loved at the same time. "

Its a wonderful quote that i have yet to really believe and say without sounding sad and fake. And people may ask why and it is the fact that my different selves are not liking each other wholly. The part that does feel the sky has no place for a girl who defies the earth to be complete.

Not Doing The Right Things Right

Gwen Stefani - 4 AM ?
Baby what are we doing all these times?
Where am I going ?
What am I doing to people?
Am I holding to the right reasons
Am I smiling at the right time?

There is nothing right in the mind
and nothing wrong in the heart
There is everything lost in space
And something that's holding us all

Back

I went to Bali and Surabaya last 4 days, spent 2 days on each place.
Bali was beautiful in its way, and I felt a calm kind of loneliness as I walked the beach.

Sby was loud, and somehow reminds me that whenever I come there, however happy that I was I would seclude myself in the bedroom sooner or later. Perhaps because I miss home, or I need to think for myself.

There are no new conclusions through the contemplations of the week. There are no dramatic enlightments.

I am however delighted with the marriage of my cousin and distant cousins. I hope they have a fruitful, joyful life together with their spouses. I enjoyed the two weddings :)

I smile today as I am back and hopefully life doesn't get harder too soon..