Happy..

Happy and black and blue
Why?
I don't know..
just happy..

Falling down the stars

Stairs.. to be exact.

Hahaha I fell down the stairs in a stupid way..
sliding and can't stop myself.. lucky I saved my glass from peril. in
the end I got just a few bruises and a 5 inch skin scrap.
nothing much except that a certain panda was behind me and laughing
saying I fell down in a funny doink doink sequence.. err..

On another note I noticed that people deffinitely work or performed
better when a certain standard or target is set. When a person is given
a standard / target to go over to, they actually believed somewhere in
their mind that it would be possible to do it or that someone else had
done it. I've seen it numerous times, especially in Fear Factor the Tv
Show. The first person is at a disadvantage, because he/she/they don't
know what would be the normal time to do a challenge so they can only do
their 'best'. But when the second person goes, he/she (apart from
already watching how the first person does his act) knows that he/she
has to break that time limit no matter what to get the prize, and
besides the first person had proved that he can do it in such a
time.When you know someone before did it, it became something human to
do. Even if the person who did it was very strong, or that you have only
1% chance of winning.

I've also seen it in my workplace, when I set something to be done in 4
days, it was done. But of course put a time limit that's feasible if we
work efficiently. Not a time limit that's feasible if we work 12 hours a
day.

Stupid Oil of Olay

So the other day Oil of Olay held a program offering to exchange old
moisturisers with their new product Total Effects+.
So mom and I went to the mall at 9.45 AM, before the shops have openned,
and we head to the stall once the doors were openned.

When we got there apparently there's already around 60 people (God knows
from where since the door has just openned). I counted around 60 people
then out of nowhere annoying people come and cut the line, friends from
those in front of us. It's pretty annoying but I thoguht it'd get only
to 70 people or so, but by the time the stall openned at 11.40 (yes it's
a 2 hours wait!) so many people had cut the line.

And guess what, Mom and I didn't get it coz we were the 101st person
from a 100 quota... bummer.

Bad marketing system.. They claimed that they're not responsible for the
line cuts and all.. and I agree, but if I got there at 11.45 and cut the
line in front of their eyes, would they let me ?

It's all probably a lie. Maybe there are some of their own people too in
the line. Cutting the quota short.

Oil Price rockets....

So the government decided to raise the price.. again..
Can't they find any other solution besides making the poor poorer and
the rich richer?

If the problem lies in too many vehicles going around then why do they
give each Representative a lux car?
And all the marketing program involves giving cars away?

Why not instead take all the illegal money from the corruptors instead?
Heck Indonesia's rich enough to let outsiders take its oil for cheap

We're happy!!! Are we?

... office is back!!!
We're happy!!! Are we?

Well first, i'm having a bit of headache + flu symptoms. Not only me, Dad's also having coughs.

Secondly, I had hopes that the office would have a positive atmosphere after all that rest but instead it's still the same thick atmosphere (maybe there are too many people working in the same floor).

Thirdly, There seems to be a number of people leaving the office. It's getting lonelier and if they haven't got the replacement yet that means more work for everyone left.

so everyday I have to drag myself from the bed, everyday thinking whether I can take the day off or not...

Are we still happy, friends?

Self-pity

Does this ever happen to you?

Sometimes I say to myself..
People don't have to like each other..
we can hate each other it doesn't matter
we have our own principles..
or.. I don't care they don't know the real me..

But the more I think about it, the more I realize
They're just an excuse of my fear of being disliked by someone.

Why can't I just say, I hate being disliked, I feel lonely.

As a matter of fact, I just did..

Scary..

I'm scared..
trapped in this illuminosity..
What's going on?
Save us..


I discovered something that made me even more disturbed, such that I cannot write it here... perhaps someday I can retell.

I have learnt something yesterday as I listened to a conversation in front of me. It is that..
When we push our principles, when we chase those others, when we fought and won... we will be the last standing person, and that must've felt lonely.

What does it mean? It means that sometimes we cannot fight for what we believe in, because we are human and we need more than just a correct principle. It is best to hold back, swallow a little bit of pride or indignancies and smile..
Our life might be a lot happier and less lonelier that way.

Idling..

Look what I've done in my 'holiday'! I finally managed to finish what i started almost a year ago. Isn't it cute!!!!!?!? Too bad the picture's a bit blurry and the lighting's all wrong.

Building such a cute thing made me proud of myself.. and gave me some of my confidence that I can finish the things I set to finish after all. It's all in our minds

Tomorrow's my mom's birthday.. and I hope we'll have a lovely time. No nags, no complaints.. just peace.. I'm looking for peace a lot these days.

Maybe it's because of this unfinished office businesses? I'm like a chicken without a head, I don't know what to do.. and everyday I felt like I had made a mistake, that I should have done so much more, guilt, fear, and regret.. of what? I'm not even sure.

How to report user?

I was pleasently surprised a few minutes ago when I saw a comment on my blog.
But then it apparently seemed to be a SPAM comment. Now I'm trying to find out how to report the Blogger user. Can't seem to find any clue on the Help section though. Anyone?

Another silly problem today is that I keep on misplacing my mom's birthday card. Actually it's supposed to be a dad to mom birthday card. I misplaced itself a year ago just near the birth Date, and it has misplaced itself again this year. What's wrong with being my mom's birthday card anyway?

Well well..

Working from home does have its pros and cons.

My Pros:
- I could wake up at 10.00 AM like I did today
- I could do whatever I want in the mean time when I don't have anything to do
- I can wear anything I like

My Cons:
- Internet connection on dial up is very .. very.. bad.
- There's no one to talk to!
- Team Coordination seemed to be reduce 80%.

So I spent my idling time to wrap my mom's presents (which I'm not very good at). I am planning to give her a handbag that she can use to go to the office. So I have to twist the bag this way and that to reduce the paper wrapper space it's taken. I hope the bag won't be ruined by Wednesday...

aftermath..

Then yesterday, all the crews have to wait a few hours to no avail. Waiting for our good boss to explain the situation. Unfortunately, he didn't come in physical (altho he was only about 2 km away) but submitted a message via one of the seniors. What? After those hours waiting without nothing to do?

Anyway from now until who knows when I'm gonna work from home whatever I could until further notice.

I slept till 10.30 AM today, felt marvelous! Haven't bathed and just brushed my hair coz someone from waterworks came.

I'm looking forward to change my blog layout but I'm still waiting for some scans I need.

People are just so...

confusing.

Sometimes we think that an old friend was ready to keep in touch again and instead we're faced with this enermous wall that we didn't know exists!

I'm bummed. But I can't do anything about it because I don't want to sound as if I can't let people go. but still..

You make me uneasy, do you know that? Like Rukia in Bleach when Gin suggested to save her... In one sentence you make my world fall apart by giving me a silent blink of hope and then you take it away again.

It's 00.14 guess what..

My detained colleagues are out from the police q. But
my bos isn't. I must commend him for his resilience
and persistence in handling the case in one day. The
head police (of that particular district) seems to be
missing or refusing to come to the office. I expect
he's taking a sudden labor/pregnancy leave haha. When
anything goes wrong we should always believe that the
country, and its people will stand by for the truth
and lawful (how lawful and truthful are we actually?).

Anyway I wonder how much loss do we suffer when we
close down the office for 1 day?

A competitor has even heard and sympathized me in
Yahoo!Messenger today. He said that they're also
preparing themselves just in case the police came to
their office too. What solidarity! I'm impressed haha.

But i'm sure that they're laughing at us from behind,
somewhere.

Certainly beyond ordinary

Well today certainly goes beyond ordinary.
Our office got closed today by the police. Why? Because of licensing, not software, but polyphonics. That's how dangerous music is.

I was just getting back from lunch. We just went into the office and saw strange people around and I thought we have strange looking guests today. We got upstairs and saw more people, and one with a uniform. Then they asked for our ID, all 29 of us. Maybe my crime records won't be so clean after this?

Things got pretty hectic especially since none of the management seemed to available until almost 3 PM. The office boy freaked out, maybe he had a bad history with the police or something? But one of the guys managed to calm him down.
When we got out the office was closed with a yellow line as if some murder happened there and the neighbor offices were looking out behind the windows. We look like a bunch of underground kids maybe running a secret operation to ruin the government.

I'm lucky I didn't get to be brought to the police quarters coz 'til now they're still there waiting for some official police to set them free. But they weren't being rude at.. that's a good thing. I bought them some drinks, I think the police wanted some too but I didn't have enough, sorry sirs.

But this makes me feel a bit useless, for apart from getting some documents to my boss I didn't really contribute anything in managing the situation.

All's well that ends well. Tomorrow we're coming to work again, hopefully with the servers ready or else I'll have nothing to do. Why don't we all take the day off?


Now I still have to do my homework, which I suck at. Let's hope tomorrow will be a better day.


PS: There's something extraordinary besides that, which is, an old friend called. It's nice to hear his voice once again :) I'm pretty happy about that. All clouds have silver linings..

Buying Book Online and stuff

I just tried to buy books online, for my uni work of course. I wanna see if it really works and they won’t run away with my money. If you’re searching for Indonesian Books and stuff do try to go to http://www.bearbookstore.com I think they need the money. They give 10% discount and a referral program that I don’t care to join. Anyway if they suck I’ll remove the link J

 

There’s a cute site if you’re looking for something to do in your spare time which is http://www.maggiemarket.com . It’s in Chinese but it’s not that difficult to look for the game since it’s right there on top.

 

I’m again using the email feature of blogger.com and it’s convenient if you can’t browse around like me in the office.

 

Remind me to..

Delete this post.

I’m testing the Sending Postings by Email feature.

Cool.

 

Tragic Incidents, Continuation

Continuing from the previous post about tragical incidents, in truth, I am scared.

I'm not too scared to admit that I'm scared, though.
When I hear news like this one, I tend to imagine how it happened, what it felt like for her, how life at that particular moment seemed.

To me, it's surreal. And when we realize that this is some normal citizens, with no strange behaviours or nothing to provoke these incidents. I feel insecure, do you?

And I can't imagine if it had happened to someone in my family, what would I do, what should I do? This makes me unbearably sad for the family. This is not something normal, this is worse than a car accident, or some other. This was murder, intent. There was no telling how frightened she was, how lonely, how she saw death.

This is going to stay and haunt her parents everyday throughout their lives, especially if the killer wasn't caught. Hey it's haunting me right now!

Yes, I too, am tainted with this person's deed. I know I'll forget it in time, those who heard about the news all will, but the family won't.

Why does this matters to me now, you ask, I don't even know her.
This matters because she matters...

Tragic Incidents

Sometimes I think I am a hypocrite, and that most of us are.
Recently there was a university student girl from Binus who was raped and then killed in her rent room somewhere in Jakarta and everyone was talking about it, how poor she was, how sad, how cruel the killer was (for I heard her neck was almost completely cut off). Anyway I know it's horrible and I felt very disturbed whenever I think about this.

But in a sense I noticed a long time ago, and now too, that we try to rationalize these things to accept reality while it's quite impossible to do. And then we feel guilty and we somehow try to identify our relationship with her and we try to find all sorts of reasons to pity her more. For example, that she is currently in her last semester, almost graduating. That she is so beautiful (in my opinion), etc etc that makes this even more tragical.

What I noticed so clearly is that usually even the family of the deceased or victim (in interviews) would say things like this (not in this event, but in others) , "He/She was my youngest,he/she was always clinging to me." Or even the opposite, "He/She was always so independent.. ". And then we'd feel 'what a shame'.

In short, we create reasons to grieve. Why do we need these reasons? Do we feel guilty to grieve without them?

it doesn't make sense when u think about it, so what if she was the youngest, even if she wasn't the youngest wouldn't we all be as sad as well? What's the difference between almost graduating and just graduated, or just enrolled? We'd still be sad, we'd still grieve, we'd still mourn.

Maybe we just love gossip, it's something to talk about. But I must admit that I too, at times agree and create these kinds of reasons in these situations.

And I wondered, whether I'm creating this reason (and this post) just to feel bad / sad about myself?

Actually today was extremely tiring, but it helps to republish an old blog every now and then doesn't it? When nobody cares it's good to know that you always have yourself...


Can we help being the person that we are?
or should we always wear that impeccable facade that we are truly not
all kings must be powerful , strong and wise,
all queens must be elegant
they made so much sacrifice
for us that could not understand who they really are..

Please understand.. who I am..

Republishing Babablue-Blues

While hearing X-Japan, I'm reannouncing the past, not renouncing. Yes it's all coming back to me.
A lovely box with a soft purple ribbon on it,
Where all the shadows that haunts
will be kept
and celebrated
each and every second