Kalau A bukan B

kalau A senang itu salahku
kalau B senang itu bukan salahku
kalau A tidak senang itu salahku
kalau B tidak senang itu juga salahku
kalau A diam itu salahku
kalau B diam itu salahmu
kalau A tak mengerti itu salahku
kalau B tak mengerti itu salah A
kalau A sedih itu salah A
kalau B sedih itu salahku
kalau A berkata A
kalau A berkata B
kalau A tersandung
kalau A menjerit
kalau A menangis
kalau A......
kalau A..

salah, salah, semua salah.

Ugly Blue

Saat raga begitu letih
kemanakah kau lari?
carilah elang bermata hijau
ia akan meneduhkanmu dalam tatapan

Saat jiwa begitu mati
kemanakah kau pergi?
carilah kolam mata air
airnya akan membersihkanmu dalam asa

apakah kau punya elangmu?
apakah kau temukan kolammu?
jika ya, bahagialah dirimu
jika tidak, jadikan aku
elang dan kolammu

Dreams

I had bad dreams these days..

The first one is a few days ago, my dad was swimming in some sort of
lake, and there are a few other kids swimming there too. Then somehow
there's a large crocodile at the edge of the lake.
and the kids played around and sort of touched the crocodile's nose and
quickly get away. I don't know why, but my dad approached the crocodile
too, he touched the nose with his leg, like the kids, but he didn't get
away fast enough and the crocodile at his whole right leg. It was very
gory, scary, and terrifying for me. Then I head Dad's voice saying in
his melancholic way "wah.. papa kena ni wi.. gimana dong wi.. " It was
very sad because I was so far.. and his voice sounded like he gave up.
Then Dad's struggling to get to land but the crocodile was very fast
behind him... then I woke up.
I really wanted to cry..and I kept thinking that if it truly happens
what could I do? Run to him and hit the crocodile? Shoot some stones at
the crocodile? What?
I don't think I'll forget this dream. And I am making sure of that by
putting this in the blog.

The second dream was last night.
I was talking to my boss, my dear 'brother' that I wanted to resign. And
he didn't so much prevented me to go, but he has this very dissapointed
look on his face. He was like 'You've dissapointed me after all I've
done for you and all my hopes for you' and eventually he puts up this
'whatever' attitude and he doesn't care anymore what I do.
This is very hurtful! Then I said "well I'm not sure if I can make it
there anyway, a success"
then he answered, "That's why! and We've never doubted you here." but he
didn't say that to keep me from going. He's just saying that.. 'look at
the difference between me and your future company'. And then he gave me
some simple task that I can't concentrate on doing because I was so
devastated with the way he reacts.

God Help Me.

Very scared... very sad..

Strange Remix

Utada Hikaru Kremlin Dusk VS 1.8 mm. Just in inspiration while hearing the song and reading the movie script. Text remix

All along I was searching for my Lenore
In the words of Mr. Edgar Allan Poe
Now I'm sober and "Nevermore"
Will the Raven come to bother me at home
We can kiss everything goodbye.

Calling you, calling you home
You... calling you, calling you home

By the door you said you had to go
Got it.
Couldn't help me anymore
-Just like that?
This I saw coming, long before
So I kept on staring out the window
-Just like that.
Calling you, calling you home
l don't see anyone.
You... calling you, calling you home

I am a natural entertainer, aren't we all
Holding pieces of dying ember
I'm just trying to remember who I can call
Who can I call
They're probably inside...
watching us.
Home... calling you, calling you

I run a secret propaganda
They could just take the money and kill us.
Aren't we all hiding pieces of broken anger
That's why you gotta stay in the car,
I'm just trying to remember who I can call
in case something goes wrong.
Can I call
l owe you everything.
Born in a war of opposite attraction
Everything l am, everything l'll ever be...
It isn't, or is it a natural conception
Torn by the arms in opposite directions
and if it takes me my entire life,
l will pay you back.
It isn't, or is it a Modernist reaction

Born in a war of opposite attraction
And l just don't mean the money.
It isn't, or is it a natural conception
l mean what you do for me...
Torn by the arms in opposite directions
It isn't, or is it a Modernist reaction
what you make me.
Is it like this
Is it always the same
When a heartache begins, is it like this
Without you l'm just a dreamer...
Do you like this
Is it always the same
but with you...
Will you come back again
Do you like this
there's not a thing in this world
that l can't do.
Is it always the same
point, and you pull the trigger.
Will you come back again
I will.
Do you like this
Do you like this
Swear it.
Is it like this
Is it always the same
If you change your phone number, will you tell me
l swear.

Is it like this
Is it always the same
When a heartache begins, is it like this
l love you.

If you like this
Will you remember my name
Will you play it again, if you like this

Oh God

Lemmings - The ugly Duckling.

A cute cover of a game for PSP. it works like Lemmings. Cute and stupid at the same time.

I feel like a lemming. someone out there, tell me where I lived my life wrong, and tell me what did I do right? Because i feel i'm such a mistake..

Jinsei

I.red.the.life.insert.distort.why?save.lord.love.disperse.understand.blue
indiscreet.cry.despair.death.ask.how.rainbow.innocent.accuse.because.kill
baby.remember.seperatelie.force.basic.look.misunderstood.listen.mountains
reason.sense.demand.curls.scream.alone.noiseelieve.end.God.ugly.accept
embrace.steal.bar.imagine.bliss.beyond.life.CAN'T.whisper.evil.sin.jealousy
beneath.water.deep.enter.trigger.vomit.blisters.dream.bored.who?pity.mur-
der.person.appreciate.personality.lost.bring.undead.LIVE.beast.die.grunt.
dirty.slash.drum.memories.good.indeed.try.very.much.long.distant.go.brain
expunge.esteem.where?blink.slow.heavy.berant.sick.restore.brisk.love.bean
.easter.cross.increase.defense.yin.kono.mama.de.ii.deshoo.hate.is.stupid.
best.breast.core.kiss.story.lighthouse.sea.empty.divine.search.stink.lead
translate.error.boss.job.learn.study.life.career.climb.struggle.free.buy.
survive.strange.bizarre.ANYMORE.destiny.unique?desire.originality.broken.
..........................s.i.l.e.n.c.e..................................

5h17

5h17 it's hard to be different.

It always starts with something other than me, but it's always me.

I have the thesis
I have the stupid jobs
and now I have me.

How f***ed up can I be?
Just wanna cuddle up with Polly in bed, and elegantly express my tears with The Ghost Of You.
If the world doesn't have a place for me, will heaven ?

Yin and Yang

Yin was the moon
Yang was the sun
They never met.
But then again, did not the sun rays reached the moon after all?
But then again, aren't they a perfect circle?
But then again, who cares?

Adachi Mitsuru

So now I've decided to list all the Adachi's Manga that I've read, just
so I remember.
Title : - Status - Opinion

Jinbe : - Done - OK
Katsu : - Still Going On - Good
H2 : - Unfinished - Very Good
Rough : - Finished - Very Good
Hiatari Ryokou : - Finished - Good
Itsumo Misora : - Going On - Very Good
Touch : - Going On - VERY Good
Natane/Niji No Iro Togarashi : - Finished - Good
Cross Game : - Going On - Very Good
Slow Step :- Going On - Good
Miyuki :- Text Version - Good

I might change my opinion for some though.. when I've finished the whole
series.

What I haven't read :
Nine
Short Program?

Princes Sayako

Just read in the news that Princess Sayako is getting married out of the family.

Quoting some notable stuff,

"To prepare for the dramatic shift to commoner status, Sayako has taken driving lessons and practiced shopping at supermarkets; the couple has studied catalogs to choose furniture and appliances for their new home."

"It's really hard to clean up things like closets and bureaus just after you move into a new place," the Asahi Shimbun newspaper quoted the lady-in-waiting as saying.
To which Sayako replied: "What, you have to clean up?"

"Sayako's sister-in-law, Crown Princess Masako, found the opposite transition -- from commoner to princess -- so stressful that she had to take more than a year's break from public duties, only returning to the public eye in the past few months."

Check out the news

Regrets, probably?

Dear Friends,

"Sugar we're going down swinging... I'll be your number one... "
the lyric is unrelated, but I'm definitely reminded of all of you when
I'm hearing the song.
It's like we're all standing on a high mountain, and I'll be leaving,
dropping to the midst of nowhere. Hopefully for the better.
Please pray for me good friends. Please don't get angry with me..
Although there's also a possibility that you will be happy with me gone,
I don't mind. I will miss you anyway.

I'll be doing a huge jump, hopefully if I fall, you will still be there
to catch me.

Thank you for so much good time.

Your Humble Turtle.

OSIM

Hehe I caught a man sleeping in OSIM's foot massaging machine.
The pic is blurry but I'm sure you can distinguish his figure. Lol
Enjoy.

Confused..

Once again I'm at the same fork of road.
Both roads leads to fine places, I don't know which one I should go to..
I don't want to be a materialistic girl. I don't want to be a person who
doesn't know how to bide her time.
Yet I don't want to be someone who always loses good chances, and this
is a good chance.
Should I?
Tell me, book of answers. What does my heart say?
Even without the numbers, I will be as confused. It's not about the
numbers, it's about the opportunity. It's about how life would be
afterwards.

I want to ask everyone what their opinion is, but I know everyone would
say it's up to me.
But I can't help it.. I'm just not sure.
What should I do ?!

Patrick and Polly Madagascar

This is Patrick and Polly Madagascar, the newest member of my room / family. They're so cozyyyyyyy.
Guess which is Polly and which is Patrick.

The pic is a bit blur :(

I'm sorry..

When I saw all about her
When I read everything else
When I imagined all about her
I want to forget myself
want to forget who I am, what I was, What I became..
When I remembered about her
I said sorry.. to myself.

1 year 5 months

Yay! It's been 1 year and 5 months ( + 1 if you count the posting date)
Me be very happy. Hopefully this will last years and years and years to
come.....
I adore you!

I wanna dance ballet

Blame the mangas and the movies that I watch, I now have a (short-term?) desire to learn ballet.
As usual I think it's going to be short-term. I usually found out one way or another that it's not going to come true..

But I always thought dancing.. would free me.. from something. As if I can move.. and be happy.
If only I have known this earlier.. or younger.

But I'm going to dream anyway :)

Doodle

This is my doodle to day,.. I had wanted to make it more detail but it ended up being too small to be detailed.

It's a lonely old man looking to the distance. (Yes, that's a man)

Running..

Running Running
Reaching for your Hope
Running Running
Once Again

Behind the frown
Did I see a hint of a sly smirk
Just as I pass by
I know you're holding on

Friends as we are
We'd meet while we run
saying hi
And it's morning all over again

While we run...

birthday piccies

So I finally transfered my birthday pic from my mobile.
It doesn't look too good. I think I need to clean the lenses or something, everyday it's getting even darker.

Here it is.. I'm 23.. *the pic is before I cut my hair*
I ate in Red Bean with family.. yay..looking very happy