More Weddings

Enough already!! Please no one get married these few months anymore!
I ran out of money, ran out of dresses, ran out of hairstyles!! :))

I got 2 weddings this weekend, which means my whole weekend. One is a
junior high friend, and the other is a work mate.
The first one is more like a reunion, it was so funny meeting all those
friends from way back.
Most of them look the same, but some have an amazing transformation.
I'm glad to see how some people were still as friendly and clicked as we
used to.

The second one was .. well.. like working since I met most of the people
in the office as well :)) only in a different outfit.
It was pretty good and pretty windy. I think i caught the wind.
It was also rather sad when they asked us to take a picture, since it
would probably the last picture we will have together with the Groom.
The groom is resigning soon.

Oh well, congratulations to both couples. I'm happy to be a part of your
big day.

Aftermath

Sometimes people die not in the midst of the crisis.
They got through the crisis.
They die after. Some time where they've thought they've faced the worst.
But actually the worst part is not the loud chaos. It's the silence after.

Like in Titanic where Jack and Rose had survived the ship. When
everything was so much calmer, he had been to tired to hold on.

Sometimes you put every strength in your body and mind to get through
something and to win or achieve something, only to find out that when
you've won it you don't have any strength left to keep holding on.

Drowning?

I think it must be like drowning..

you find yourself suddenly choking.. wanting to scream. To say something at least.
You have a clear mind but you have no idea what to say, and how to say it.
How can you? When you're hardly even breathing?
You watch yourself getting further from the surface, from Life. And what came out of your mouth is a bubble of groan. A whimper, a pathetic bleat.

Then it's just the basic survival thing. You keep kicking and you keep gasping and even when you cannot say anything you try your best to cling to Life. Why? You asked, because the only other option was to Die. There was no logical reasoning in wanting to live, no romantic words on how you wanted so much to live. How do you talk yourself out to Life, and debate with Life to make it stay with you for as long as it could?

You can't, and because I can't, I can only try to breathe myself back to Life.


And it's so much like living,
The way I wanted to grab at any second that i have left, any minute, any days. Though it must end someday, whether in Death or in some other ugly form. But you can't help to want it to last a little bit longer.

Oh but that's only because.. perhaps.. that I consider life only with you

Challenges

I watched a short overview on television about Kyoto.
There was this very old guy who worked in one very expensive antique inn ($1000 / night). He worked as a guests' shoe care-taker and he was very proud of what he does there.

Then there were a few old workers on an abandoned railroad in one of the areas, and they build back the railroads to activity and hustles and bustles on their own initiatives. The comopany was almost bankrupt, and they thought since this would probably our last try, while we're waiting to be kicked off let's do something to prevent it! Which I think was an enermous thing to do, most of us would turn our backs and find another job. But they made it.

Success is a step away from when you feel like giving up.

Then, even still there was a girl who worked as... eerr.. I'm not sure what but it's some kind of a fishcatcher. She's still an apprentice and confesses that right now she's still learning how to pull back the rope, at which she will still need 3-5 years to master it before learning something else.

She absolutely has ambition and determination. But her ambition does not run wildly, she has ambition to be perfect in what she does. Most of us does not and will not think this way at all.

I have absolute awe and respect for this people.
Though I can never be like them, but I'd like to think that I will someday be as proud as the shoe caretaker.

Recently I've gotten numerous job from my boss. Some of it are actually my job, which I don't mind getting except that he's giving me extra load about other jobs as well. I'm trying to do it without mouthing any complaints to him or looking reluctant, it's a bit tricky to do with all the deadlines coming up.

I keep reminding myself that, this isn't much yet, I would probably need 3-5 years to be truly expert in this so I should take my time and learn everything I can while I do my tasks.

I also keep reminding myself that, when all the unfairness and petty annoyance happens around me, I need to focus and contribute 'my share' to the organization and not mind these so much. I shall not be envious, shall not be too gossipy ( a little won't hurt much right?) , shall not be sly to anyone, shall not try to make someone else look stupid. Be honest, be humble, do the job right.

I hope I can keep this challenge.

It's just me.. again..

I cannot bear to see you lying there..
I cannot bear to be helpless
I want to be the one beside you when your tears starts rolling
I want to be the wind that supports you when you fly
But I am simply reminded
How I can't..

The sad thing about weddings is...

to realize I do not have many friends at all, no one for me to be able
to say, he/she is the one who is able to propose the toast for us..
who knows enough about us, to say the truth...
one who I can ask to shop around with me, laugh, coffee, and live my
last single days with me...
Hopefully by the time I get to that point, I'll have a few ;)

qotd

Even if a tree doesn't seem to grow straight, it's still looking for the
same light...
-DW

Singapore..

I was in Singapore a few days ago for 6 days in total.
I had a good time, some extremely tiring time, some confused times.. all is good.

I went on 31st, our hotel was much much worse than my Malaysia trip. This time it's almost red light hotel hahaha. I went all over the country (read: city) and shopped a bunch of goodies for the happy people back home.

I was upset the first day coz I didn't have anyone to take me anywhere at all, and I never got a chance to meet a good friend there :( which is such a shame since he's so busy! The thing is when I got home in Jakarta I realized how much more problems there are in Jakarta, home and work. While in Singapore I've been busy with work but having a good time (until late night).


I got some piccies but I haven't really got it coz it's on my boss' camera phone..

To be continueedd..

...

Do you know
how much time passes
if you disappear
and come back again?

I would say
not a thousand years
but there simply would be
no time lost

All because
that I would
simply disappear too
and reappear with you

Do you know
what would I dream of
if I didn't dream of you?

I would say
there would be no dreams
and only sleepless nights
without you in my dreams

Do you know
how the world would sound
if you go?

I have to say
the world would simply be
a mass of noise
a scream
for you

Scotty

Here's a pic of Scotty!! My all new latest creation!! Made just for hmm hmm... with the right formula!!

I'm using a free pattern. And hopefully will get a kinda rough authentic look.
Whaddya think of Scotty!?!?!

He definitely took a while to finish. Jeans is very hard to pierce so my hands got stiff after awhile and I couldn't get the stitches as even as I wanted it to be.
But anyway.. Scotty's my maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! Love him love him love him.

A quote from Sad Love Song

Some people say if you want it badly enough you will be able to meet, how badly do I have to want you?

I am afraid that I cannot find you.. forever..

--- Joon Hyoong..

Need

1. Patience
2. Hard Work
3. Humility
4. Compassion
5. Understanding

In the end

In the end.. I was saved.. time again.. by your smile.. and your chids...
In the end.. I was saved.. by the outsiders..
by the unknown

..

If I send email would I be reprimanded
If I ignore.. would I be scolded
If I follow.. would this be worth it?

Rants

Birthday Resolution to be
1. Need to finish Scotty my dog so I'll be happier
2. People don't tell the truth so stop believing
3. Give up about the company
4. Get over bitchy and backstabbers
5. Plan next craft project, something to keep me sane !

Management & Information Management Problems

There are a bunch of problems in the office.. and not all of them are
the management's fault.. though some are!
I'm trying to juggle my way through the information passed through me,
making sure I pass the right ball to the right person, making sure I
threw the ball hard enough for him/her to catch and easy enough. We
desperately need some kind of management information flow here where
people know where to go to with what information. Right now everyone
says different things about one single issue which shows how much
information is lost on the way between one person to another.

Today I found out that I missed an important information, because my
'colleague' didn't think it was relevant to me and was relevant that if
I know that the plans would change or something.
We need more trust here!!!

Then I found uot that the production team has also missed telling the
marketing people some real critical infos... which I accidentally found
and passed through instead. The info has no important significance to me
myself but I found myself getting dissapointed of how much people missed
telling each other. Hopefully these kind of 'accidents' won't happen to
me. I have notified the proper / related people about these info flow
problem and hopefully things will get better.

Things will get better if we try to make them better, ain't it so?

Did you know.. I made a lamb..

Lol, I got a free pattern on one of the blogs on the internet and I
sewed up a small lamb doll.
Overall... well it's juat OKAY. The ears were too large, and I didn't
sew up the under gusset properly. Plus, I didn't fill up the lamb with
enough fillings.
:( It certainly isn't perfect despite everybody's comment that it looks
nice.
Frankly I want to make it better! Shall I cut it up? I'll post some
pictures later on.

The lamb is now at my bfs house, standing on a glass shelf in his and
his sister's room.
I hope next time I'll do better..

Strands Of Life

Relationships are like the pictures of chromosomes in those biology books..
Long, with strange holes that you don't recognise, and bumps or crosses
each other at some point.
Some will never cross again, some will be paired through the whole length.
No idea where the strand will go, and have no idea that however I try to
cross or pair it with another if it will ever work.
But I need to survive in the meantime, and see where it leads, don't I?
We all need to survive however our strand is filled with those holes and
never cross with any other's.

There are going to be many goodbyes soon, and it is just starting.
It's funny how nothing happens for a long time.. status quo.. and then
suddenly everything changes in an instant that you never expect it would.
Like journey(ing) through this nagai.. time tunnel and suddenly when you
got out of it everything pulls you and sucks you out in a black hole.
I just hope I'll see you at the end of the tunnel.

Called by the devil herself..?

He he..
On my first day in Soerabaja there's a few missed calls with no numbers.
At the afternoon I managed to pick up the call and it was from a woman:
Me: Hello?
Her: Hello?
Me: Yes?
Her: Who's this?
Me: Huh?
Her: Is this Dewi?
Me: Yes. Who's This?!!?!
Her: No. Nothing important.
Click
She put down the receiver..
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Who's that womannnnnnnnnnnn..
If she's a friend checking out or forgetting my number how come she
didn't say something like "oh.. it's me. Just checking out that this is
still ur number"
She said "No Nothing Important" in a chotto unfriendly way.
...
Might she be a ghost?
Or a jealous woman?
Or a predator?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaa....
----- Click ----

Eyes Open Wide

I have found a need to know my relatives better :( I've been half-asleep
living through these world.
I love the patience of my grandma..
How she is often silent, unobstrusive and doesn't ask too much questions..
She is highly attentive though, though I cannot say I'm very close to
her since I don't get to meet her that often.
I should say however, that I'd love to grow old like her
*personality-wise* if I ever get old.
:D