night haiku

the tears overflow
the window closes softly
dark rises within

Why People Need Windows

I'm sure most of you have already known about this, and yet it just
bothers my mind when we take a look at this from another level and put
it in another context

In the cave eras, people don't have windows. They make a large hole
opening on their caves or huts that serves as a door and functioned as a
window as well.
Then eventually one really smart guy, or a girl in fact, closed the
opening to prevent dangerous animals to enter. And thus, doors came to be.

But why need a window? What importance does it make. Why a room with
window is preferred compared to those with only door(s)? Now we look at
what happens outside the house or the room or whatever. There's the sun,
there's the greenery, roads, your fence, maybe a little bit of the sky.
Do we like what we see outside?
If we do, and for most people there is a certain objective in knowing
the outside or having in contact with the outside, is the reason why we
have windows.
So when we do have a chance to be close to whatever good there is out
there, we want to, and yet we are scared of the negative things they
bring. The dust, the heat, the smell (if there's any), the sound.

If we again go back to comparison with the cave age, most people spend
their lives outside, with the forests, with nature etc. A hundred
century later, people stay inside the house, the building, the room, and
by choice (actually) decided not to have contact with the 'outside' as
much. Yet if you recall the question before, most of us do like to know,
interact, feel the outside world out of our room or cubicle.

People decide that they want to control how they interact with
something that they love / like. They want to touch, only when they want
to, how they want it. They want to feel, interact, hear, see, only when
they decide to. That's why, the answers are windows. They open the
window and get whatever they can out of the limited space and time and
close it once they feel it's enough or they start to feel the
consequences. They ignore negative aspects once they close the window.
It's still there, the dust, the pollution, the extreme heat, yet they
don't have to think about it. Since now they have a closed wall, a door,
and a window. Being smart and selfish at the same time works.

You decided you like something, you try to blend with it, you discover
something you don't like about it and it disturbs or hurt you in some
way, so you close everything , put little holes just in case you need
to go back and get the best sides of it and put layers and layers of
protection around yourself. And yet we would still say.. we love that
something.

Scenario

There was a man who wanted to open his own restaurant someday.
But he was not a good cook, nor was he a good manager. What he can do, is paint.
He pictured in his mind a nice restaurant with paintings of people that he met or was around him.
So he thought that he'd make the paintings to be displayed in the restaurant as he visualized in his mind. He painted his family, he painted his friends, he painted his neighbours.

After 30 years he has paintings piled in his room, and he has now enough money to build his restaurant. but then, his paintings were too many to be displayed. They wouldn't fit, he thought. He'd have to select a few that were the best and leave the rest.

He never get to open his restaurant , and he continued painting his friends because he couldn't bear to leave anyone out.

What do you think of this story and this guy?

Gali Lubang Tutup Lubang

Dibuka lagi
diintip lagi
lubang-lubang dulu
dan dicibir
dan ditangisi

Minta maaf lagi
Terima kasih lagi
lubang-lubang dulu
gundukan-gundukan dulu

Ditutup lagi
Maafkan aku lagi
Aku masih ingat
lubang-lubang itu

Taitung

And this is a photo of a large nice tree, and a lonely chair beneath it. On the seaside park in Tai Tung.

A quite cloudy day, and complete with a melancholic mood.

I thought it would be nice to sit under the tree if the chair wasn't so old. Wouldn't be nice if I fell down huh!

Off to the Republic of China

Taking off tomorrow and coming back a week later. I hope Taiwan is
going to be a nice experience.
I'm still not sure where to go to after all the planning because it
seemed there aren't many interesting place
or really nice place even for sighseeing.
But keep it hopeful and expecting some good food.

:D
Hope that my Simpati GPRS roams so I can send some emails along the way.

dComberan

Duduk di kursi bolong. Tatap lamat namar pintu. Berharap tak ada yang dengar helaan. Dan menghirup aroma anyir. Lega skaligus siksa. Genangan air di ujung kaki Saat terlihat pun terbersit. Apakah itu air mata? Dan bukan bocoran pipa? Lantai dan dinding dingin. Pandangi air yang sulit kering. Tak ada lembah tuk dialiri kembali ke laut. Tak ada selokan yang memaafkan. Air comberan tergenang layaknya hati yang tak tenang.

Shangrila

A simple place and a state. Where no pretense need enter. No love is forsaken. No shame on being human. Where being near does nt mean hurting. Being different is a gift and not a rift. Humanity as the language. And a teaspoon of shyness just to make it real. A home and not.. Just a hotel.

clouds

On certain days, like that one, like when you tell me about life, what you need to do in it etcetera. It is not for one to stop another. It is for one to wish well and good luck. It is though for me as well a knowledge of a lonesome journey that you will undertake, rewarding as it is.

That, on which no voices I sing shall be heard
Then, on which no dreams I make shall you see
There, on which no poems I make shall ever reach..

Sahabat

Aku yang tak pernah mewujud mimpi
Kau yang tak pernah mengukir angan
Ketika kau duduk di sampingku
Kubangun mimpi itu di atas senyummu
dan kau lukis angan itu di atas jemariku

Sebab
Mimpiku dan anganmu
tlah bertemu nyawanya
Dalam diri kita
dalam bersama..

25, and still a freak

Morning, tea no coffee
Grinning ear to ear
Left kiss right kiss
all the dears

Have loved
and be loved
You were right
There was nothing to cry on

Simply grateful
The past and future
It's time to look ahead
with hopefully no fear
and with surely no regrets

Still doing silly dances
Still laughing too loud
Arms too long
and limbs too thin
I'm still a freak
the grateful freak

Quoted

"Ellen Burstyn: Its alright i can become myself and strong and a woman and be loved at the same time. "

Its a wonderful quote that i have yet to really believe and say without sounding sad and fake. And people may ask why and it is the fact that my different selves are not liking each other wholly. The part that does feel the sky has no place for a girl who defies the earth to be complete.

Not Doing The Right Things Right

Gwen Stefani - 4 AM ?
Baby what are we doing all these times?
Where am I going ?
What am I doing to people?
Am I holding to the right reasons
Am I smiling at the right time?

There is nothing right in the mind
and nothing wrong in the heart
There is everything lost in space
And something that's holding us all

Back

I went to Bali and Surabaya last 4 days, spent 2 days on each place.
Bali was beautiful in its way, and I felt a calm kind of loneliness as I walked the beach.

Sby was loud, and somehow reminds me that whenever I come there, however happy that I was I would seclude myself in the bedroom sooner or later. Perhaps because I miss home, or I need to think for myself.

There are no new conclusions through the contemplations of the week. There are no dramatic enlightments.

I am however delighted with the marriage of my cousin and distant cousins. I hope they have a fruitful, joyful life together with their spouses. I enjoyed the two weddings :)

I smile today as I am back and hopefully life doesn't get harder too soon..

Giving Us a Chance

If I may have another life
I'd do it looking for you
If I have to relive another nightmare
Why not if I could've met you

If I could be reborn
There's no reason I would refuse
For the wind and the reason
would still blow me to you

If I were to be reincarnated
why would I meditate
for it is another chance
for us in fate

If we were to die
I'd make sure we'd live
and meet just a little bit earlier
for love to live

A tiring journey...

It's a journey to the end of the world, or the beginning of the new
heaven. It's a journey to find a true light.. and when I get there, if I
ever get there. Will I look upon you beside me who walked all the way
through it, or will you be somewhere within the light, too bright to see?

I'm just tired, for being on the wrong side of the road, for sitting
across the room and on the wrong side of the table.
And if I never get to the right side, I need someone who smiled and
never gave up hope.. instead of someone who said "Whatever, I'll see
you when you arrive.." Don't we all need the same thing?

Dreams..

私は孤独の夢を見た

A Sober Cocktail

He thinks he's good
But he's not
He's just an old boot
A fantasy too tight

She thinks she's good
But she's just okay
She's just another foot
on the wooden tray

Dancing away
Yes just dancing away
Well they're having fun
A bit too much of sun

Isn't it wonderful
how love stays

The illusion was great
A martini on the ego
But they're really just
Shaking a third mambo

Dancing away
Just dance away

Swing set..

I dreamt of my two good friends... whom I rarely met because they don't live here.
I met up with them.. had a chat.. and they were both *suddenly?* married
in the dream.. and they told me that they have a child
And then somehow I was on a swing set.. and swinging away.. and a friend
pushes the swing as it comes by him.
and he pushed again.. .and then harder
Then he pushed the swing away too hard.. and I flew... and I shut my
eyes and curled
Waiting for the fall .. and the darkness after.

..

I'm running look at me
I'm smiling look at me
I'll never get tired
coz I just can't simply die

When I made the headlines
were you ever proud
When I was hit by that plane
did you ever cried

I'm tracing your steps
With a dozen roses and words
When you smiled at him
I looked at you

Thank You
Was just never enough
I thought you'd fall for a hero
If you were like everyone else

But you didn't
and you said you can't
but I've saved you a thousand times
and I would again
even if you don't
and even if you can't

So I guess it's not true
A hero doesn't make love comes true
and I'm just a hero
who loves you