dComberan

Duduk di kursi bolong. Tatap lamat namar pintu. Berharap tak ada yang dengar helaan. Dan menghirup aroma anyir. Lega skaligus siksa. Genangan air di ujung kaki Saat terlihat pun terbersit. Apakah itu air mata? Dan bukan bocoran pipa? Lantai dan dinding dingin. Pandangi air yang sulit kering. Tak ada lembah tuk dialiri kembali ke laut. Tak ada selokan yang memaafkan. Air comberan tergenang layaknya hati yang tak tenang.

Shangrila

A simple place and a state. Where no pretense need enter. No love is forsaken. No shame on being human. Where being near does nt mean hurting. Being different is a gift and not a rift. Humanity as the language. And a teaspoon of shyness just to make it real. A home and not.. Just a hotel.

clouds

On certain days, like that one, like when you tell me about life, what you need to do in it etcetera. It is not for one to stop another. It is for one to wish well and good luck. It is though for me as well a knowledge of a lonesome journey that you will undertake, rewarding as it is.

That, on which no voices I sing shall be heard
Then, on which no dreams I make shall you see
There, on which no poems I make shall ever reach..

Sahabat

Aku yang tak pernah mewujud mimpi
Kau yang tak pernah mengukir angan
Ketika kau duduk di sampingku
Kubangun mimpi itu di atas senyummu
dan kau lukis angan itu di atas jemariku

Sebab
Mimpiku dan anganmu
tlah bertemu nyawanya
Dalam diri kita
dalam bersama..

25, and still a freak

Morning, tea no coffee
Grinning ear to ear
Left kiss right kiss
all the dears

Have loved
and be loved
You were right
There was nothing to cry on

Simply grateful
The past and future
It's time to look ahead
with hopefully no fear
and with surely no regrets

Still doing silly dances
Still laughing too loud
Arms too long
and limbs too thin
I'm still a freak
the grateful freak

Quoted

"Ellen Burstyn: Its alright i can become myself and strong and a woman and be loved at the same time. "

Its a wonderful quote that i have yet to really believe and say without sounding sad and fake. And people may ask why and it is the fact that my different selves are not liking each other wholly. The part that does feel the sky has no place for a girl who defies the earth to be complete.

Not Doing The Right Things Right

Gwen Stefani - 4 AM ?
Baby what are we doing all these times?
Where am I going ?
What am I doing to people?
Am I holding to the right reasons
Am I smiling at the right time?

There is nothing right in the mind
and nothing wrong in the heart
There is everything lost in space
And something that's holding us all

Back

I went to Bali and Surabaya last 4 days, spent 2 days on each place.
Bali was beautiful in its way, and I felt a calm kind of loneliness as I walked the beach.

Sby was loud, and somehow reminds me that whenever I come there, however happy that I was I would seclude myself in the bedroom sooner or later. Perhaps because I miss home, or I need to think for myself.

There are no new conclusions through the contemplations of the week. There are no dramatic enlightments.

I am however delighted with the marriage of my cousin and distant cousins. I hope they have a fruitful, joyful life together with their spouses. I enjoyed the two weddings :)

I smile today as I am back and hopefully life doesn't get harder too soon..

Giving Us a Chance

If I may have another life
I'd do it looking for you
If I have to relive another nightmare
Why not if I could've met you

If I could be reborn
There's no reason I would refuse
For the wind and the reason
would still blow me to you

If I were to be reincarnated
why would I meditate
for it is another chance
for us in fate

If we were to die
I'd make sure we'd live
and meet just a little bit earlier
for love to live

A tiring journey...

It's a journey to the end of the world, or the beginning of the new
heaven. It's a journey to find a true light.. and when I get there, if I
ever get there. Will I look upon you beside me who walked all the way
through it, or will you be somewhere within the light, too bright to see?

I'm just tired, for being on the wrong side of the road, for sitting
across the room and on the wrong side of the table.
And if I never get to the right side, I need someone who smiled and
never gave up hope.. instead of someone who said "Whatever, I'll see
you when you arrive.." Don't we all need the same thing?

Dreams..

私は孤独の夢を見た

A Sober Cocktail

He thinks he's good
But he's not
He's just an old boot
A fantasy too tight

She thinks she's good
But she's just okay
She's just another foot
on the wooden tray

Dancing away
Yes just dancing away
Well they're having fun
A bit too much of sun

Isn't it wonderful
how love stays

The illusion was great
A martini on the ego
But they're really just
Shaking a third mambo

Dancing away
Just dance away

Swing set..

I dreamt of my two good friends... whom I rarely met because they don't live here.
I met up with them.. had a chat.. and they were both *suddenly?* married
in the dream.. and they told me that they have a child
And then somehow I was on a swing set.. and swinging away.. and a friend
pushes the swing as it comes by him.
and he pushed again.. .and then harder
Then he pushed the swing away too hard.. and I flew... and I shut my
eyes and curled
Waiting for the fall .. and the darkness after.

..

I'm running look at me
I'm smiling look at me
I'll never get tired
coz I just can't simply die

When I made the headlines
were you ever proud
When I was hit by that plane
did you ever cried

I'm tracing your steps
With a dozen roses and words
When you smiled at him
I looked at you

Thank You
Was just never enough
I thought you'd fall for a hero
If you were like everyone else

But you didn't
and you said you can't
but I've saved you a thousand times
and I would again
even if you don't
and even if you can't

So I guess it's not true
A hero doesn't make love comes true
and I'm just a hero
who loves you

Sunyi..

An old collection of my poem..

Dalam silau sinar pelangi kaleidoskop
aku kehilangan sosokmu
yang kuputar tanpa henti
tapi kau tetap tak ada

Dalam lingkaran kucari titikmu
titik itu masih ada
masih beredegup biar meredup
dan aku masih terus mencari

daun musim semi tak hentinya berjatuhan
aku baru sadar
musim gugur saat ini
saat aku menatap baju usangmu

dalam cerita sungai rindu
aku menanti tetesan suaramu
untuk kusimpan
agar aku tidak akan lupa

aku ingin waktu
agar aku lebih berbaring
mengingat hangat telapak tanganmu
yang kini tak berbekas lagi..

.

Stupidity isn't cured by working, or studying... It is cured, simply by
forgiveness.

I used to love you like rain

I used to love you like rain
I used to love you just for nothing
It's hard but I remembered
that I loved you for free

I used to bathe in your deaths
I killed you so many times
I don't know
What I became

But it's true that I remember
I used to love you forever
When the time comes you'll see
I loved you for free

What's left in the desert
No one knows
But it's not love
It might be me

I used to love you like rain
I used to love you just for nothing
It's hard but I remembered
that I loved you for free

It's hard to be happy
I don't understand why
When I open the door
I love you even more

Pursuit of Happyness

So I watched the Will Smith movie, actually half expecting to cry.
Can't say it's the best movie ever made, it's good because it's a true
story and that gives us some hint on how not to whine so much.

The movie goes around Will Smith who's a father of a 3 year old boy. He
and his wife lived in an acceptable rented house and sells bone density
scanner for a living.
He made some bad choices buying the scanners with his own money thinking
that he will be rich so soon. But life has other plans.
He couldn't sell for a few months, his wife has to work his part and
their kid ended up in a strange playgroup house.
One bad choice and luck after another, his wife left him and went to get
a new life in New York. He ended up running here and there for cash, and
even a place to stay.

It's a story about struggling, and can be frustrating to watch on a
Sunday night.
I didn't really cry but the most touching part of it was when he just
got out of the office at the end of the movie and all the crowd walking
around him.

In short it's like, you've got a wife, you've got kids to feed, you have
no job, you're homeless, you would love to have a respectable job to pay
for the family, but sometimes you gotta steal the chicken. Most people
understand and will forgive it, but not unless you're the guy who owns
the chicken. I can't help thinking what happened to a taxi driver he ran
out on, maybe those few dollars were just what he needed to pay for his
son's hospital bills, or maybe it's his dinner. Nobody knows.

Dear God

It's very simple
It's just a dot away
You're so predictable
You're just a dot away

It's life's rules
It's destiny's taunt
You don't have to choose
You'll live forever
I won't

I'm getting itchy
You're nagging me
If it's that simple
why don't you give it to me?

So I'll make my own dots
That has nothing to do with you
just wait and see
I'm going to be me

But still..
however I look at it..
you're just a dot away
and smiling so deviously
I'd forget you were God

Bitter Sweet experience..

So most of you probably knew that I went to Malaysia the other day.
It was a bitter sweet because it's a combination between the best trip
and the worst trip ever. Visit-wise it was awful, the hotel, the taxi
drivers, the flight attendants, almost everyone.
I can only say.... that don't .. ever.. ever stay at Federal Hotel in
KL. As I won't, ever again.
On the other hand I get to meet a lot of special people, who I will
always remember and miss. I totally love them :) I hope I get a chance
to come back soon and have more fun.
I only have a few pics of me there, and it didn't really show the place
hahaahaha but I don't mind at all. Go and take a peek of us :P

Anyway.. missing them everyday :)

Cleaning Up My Closet

Well, I've been on a hiatus, probably because I forgot all about the blog.
Not that anyone really noticed.

We had a great flood all over the city, and the family was forced to move out to the apartment for awhile.
Last week the flood subsided and we started cleaning up. Suprise suprise, we're not finished yet.
I lost many books, :( not just mine but also people's, and my craft thingies. I hope my weaving loom isn't affected but I have yet to see it.
I wanted to take some pictures of the wreck, but turned out my camera batteries are dead.

There's still so much to be done, and going to the office isn't helping at all. Somehow my office mood lately has been grouchy and uncooperative.

Goodbye

Rain falls ever soft
a gentle reminder of..
is the sun hiding away
from having to see you walk away?

Grey is the wet pavement
nothing is ever so wrong
for a gentle reminder of..
the day you went away

It might be easier than I thought
to let something go
maybe I already have
a few weeks ago?

When the seat is empty
and I have survived even
how anything would not be
be a reminder of you?

More Weddings

Enough already!! Please no one get married these few months anymore!
I ran out of money, ran out of dresses, ran out of hairstyles!! :))

I got 2 weddings this weekend, which means my whole weekend. One is a
junior high friend, and the other is a work mate.
The first one is more like a reunion, it was so funny meeting all those
friends from way back.
Most of them look the same, but some have an amazing transformation.
I'm glad to see how some people were still as friendly and clicked as we
used to.

The second one was .. well.. like working since I met most of the people
in the office as well :)) only in a different outfit.
It was pretty good and pretty windy. I think i caught the wind.
It was also rather sad when they asked us to take a picture, since it
would probably the last picture we will have together with the Groom.
The groom is resigning soon.

Oh well, congratulations to both couples. I'm happy to be a part of your
big day.

Aftermath

Sometimes people die not in the midst of the crisis.
They got through the crisis.
They die after. Some time where they've thought they've faced the worst.
But actually the worst part is not the loud chaos. It's the silence after.

Like in Titanic where Jack and Rose had survived the ship. When
everything was so much calmer, he had been to tired to hold on.

Sometimes you put every strength in your body and mind to get through
something and to win or achieve something, only to find out that when
you've won it you don't have any strength left to keep holding on.