Needless to say, you avoided every chance you can to being alone with Marie. You can't run away from her in the nightmares though, they were always different but held the same message. She was screaming for help, and you turned your back and walked away. You think you're going to dream like this forever.

If Marie noticed you different, she didn't say anything. She seemed preoccupied with her own thoughts, often lost. Often daydreaming, or were they nightmares like yours instead? She avoided drinking whenever possible, you supposed it was because she was too scared to go back in there except when absolutely necessary, and when she does go to the toilet she did it in rocket speed.

Before you can reconcile with your dreams of Marie, they've changed the game again. It seemed like months, but it has only been a few days since Marie's incident. There were rumors going on of rebellion coming up. There were men impatient about sitting and waiting for this condition to end. You know about it, but didn't join nor discuss it. Your father joined eventually and you warily look as he sometimes approach the other men and seemingly chatting casually. You know better though, because your father doesn't have that look when he chats casually. His face went tense and he would involuntarily raised his eyebrows every other second when he's nervous.

You were massaging your grandmother's leg when you saw your father and five other heads of families slowly approach each other. Seemingly without purpose, but definitely nearing towards one another. You stopped massaging and moved to follow but your grandma's hands gripped your wrists strongly. She pulled you in as she said,"I've gone through war before, did you know that?" I shook my head absently, still concentrating on my father.
"You, and me.. we are the same," suddenly grandma's voice grew stronger and you can't help but look at her. She was suddenly strong, and her eyes were bright.
"You and me, we are survivors. Do you know that? I know you as I know myself. The rest are brave men, they are heroes, and they will fight to death. But me, and you, we were born to survive."

You didn't understand what she was saying, but you kept silent as she continued. "Do you want to know how I survived the last time there was a war? Nobody survived from my village. No one."
"You must be so brave, Granny," you whispered.
"On the contrary, I am a coward, I am the greatest coward of them all. That is how I survived. Like you are the coward that you are, and that is how you will survive."
I looked at her in horror. Your blood simmering from being called a coward.
"It is not just a curse. It is also the blessing. People always talk about bravery and heroic deeds but in the end what's left are the cowards. This is the real secret. When other people are doing what they can to get themselves killed, you will bow down or hide. When they run towards their death, smile and be stupid instead. I tell you this because no one else can. I want you to survive."

You thought she must be crazy. This is a grandmother's love including insults packaged together in words that made your head spun. Your grandmother was asking you not to join them, to be invisible, to be as unimportant. Surely that may be justifiable for her back in her time to survive, but to think you were going to be a total loser was not so easy to accept. She seemed to read your mind as she said, "When you survive, when you live, it is justified. It is the price of living like any other things have its own price. They can say they'd rather die courageously, but the bottom line is they die. You will live to forgive yourself. To amend and make a new hope, a new life. Surely, that is also justice."

Something doesn't sound right, but somehow you knew she was at least partially telling the truth. You knew you had it in you, just like when you turned away from Marie. You knew your sins and you knew that you will consider even to betray others if it comes to it. Your face crumpled with disgust and horror. To become that.. to be so low..

Yet without it, your grandmother would not have had her daughter, and in turn she would not have had you. Her great cowardice, has made you and your brother possible. Is that then justified? She let go of your hands, and you walked away. Not to your father anymore, just away.

You walked towards the edge of the camp, wandering and just being alone with your thoughts. You found an empty spot and sat down. A young guy came, he wore the enemy's uniform and sat down beside you. At first you didn't realize he was there, then you noticed the guard was looking at you.
"Hey", he said.
You didn't recognize him, he might be new. You refused to answer. Still disgusted with the idea your grandmother has put in your head.
The guard rummaged his pocket and came up with a pack of gum. "Want some?" he offered.
You looked at him suspiciously, but your hands reached out to take one. The dirt under your nails in stark contrast with the white wrapping of the gum. You stared at it for a moment and popped it in your mouth. You tried to clean your hands on the wrapping paper.
"How did we get here anyway?" the guard muttered under his breath.
Your eyes shot up to him. The guard must be as young as you are, his face clean, his eyes were deep set. There were small signs of tiredness around his eyes and mouth. Apart from that he could be just any other kid around the block.
"You tell me," you replied.
"I guess I don't know either", he shrugged,"one day I was sitting in a class, the next day I was out here, with a gun."
"Why did you come? What is all the reason behind this? What did we do?" you started blurting the questions without caution.
He snorted, and nodded, "I came because I could, and the reason behind this, is because we are different. It's as simple as that. Being different makes you do things differently and to other people who are different than you."
You spat at the explanation, "Bull. Cut the crap. I don't believe a word of that. There's got to be something more. Some political whatever shit happening up somewhere."
He smiled and said, "You probably wouldn't believe, but that's it. That's all I know and have to tell you. There's nothing sophisticated or some great agenda going around. It's about us hurting you."
Your eyes bulged, that is just the silliest thing you've ever heard. "You're right I don't believe you. If that's all there is, why are you keeping us here for weeks, what do you intend to do with us?"
"There is no defined master plan, they'll just keep making it up and changing it every other day. They can't fail because they have no plan. I think we'll go when we're ready, when you've hurt enough."
You stared at him incredulously, trying to make some sense out of the nonsense he's feeding you. He smiled and threw the rest of the gum pack to you. "Keep it," he said as he walked away.